U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-21-2019, 10:48 AM
 
2,162 posts, read 1,710,387 times
Reputation: 2709

Advertisements

Plethora of choice can be a problem, but it is not limited just to dating. How many cars do you test drive? How many homes do you have your realtor show you? We run the risk of after having saw the 50th house, later learn that the 3rd house we felt was the one but decided to keep searching was sold a month ago. Many smart people have analyzed the Optimal Search problem and some suggest, based on conditions, to limit the size of the possibility set at outset.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-21-2019, 11:39 AM
 
2,076 posts, read 571,533 times
Reputation: 1356
Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx View Post
Plethora of choice can be a problem, but it is not limited just to dating. How many cars do you test drive? How many homes do you have your realtor show you? We run the risk of after having saw the 50th house, later learn that the 3rd house we felt was the one but decided to keep searching was sold a month ago. Many smart people have analyzed the Optimal Search problem and some suggest, based on conditions, to limit the size of the possibility set at outset.
WEll, it's more in the context of a "kid in the in the candy store" or "Husband store" mentality. You see one thing, and you're like "OOOH, that's cool!" and run over there. "Oh, look at that one!" and run over there.

The problem with online dating is that there are so many to choose from that you wind up not making a decision. This is why you sometimes hear stories of people running into constant texters, pen pals, and never wind up actually meeting in person.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 12:25 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 28 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,911 posts, read 3,765,276 times
Reputation: 20140
Unless you are engaged to marry someone, expect that they will probably still be dating around. If you don't want them to see anyone else, put a ring on their finger.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 01:35 PM
 
2,076 posts, read 571,533 times
Reputation: 1356
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Unless you are engaged to marry someone, expect that they will probably still be dating around. If you don't want them to see anyone else, put a ring on their finger.
Or just both agree to not see anyone else and go exclusive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 01:51 PM
 
Location: San Jose, CA
236 posts, read 255,575 times
Reputation: 294
I've been on and off dating apps since 2010. And my last two relationships and my current one, I met my partners organically. I've been lucky.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 02:38 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,088 posts, read 71,015,833 times
Reputation: 77173
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I

Then there are the ones that constantly text and never end up meeting. Some do it just for an ego fix, an extension to their social media. "Look at all these guys that want me!" as they show off their inbox to their real life friends.
Men do this too, especially on gamer sites. Some guys really "work the room", and get charming with the women one by one, and string them along. I find it interesting, that you either don't see those threads, or somehow filter them out of your memory, when posting here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 02:51 PM
 
Location: California
910 posts, read 246,706 times
Reputation: 2560
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post

"Here in Belgium, if we go on one date and we like that person, we donít date anyone else until weíre done seeing if that is going to work out. If we kiss someone, we are a couple until we break things off. We donít go out with anyone else.Ē.
Uh yeah, that's what I would do as an American, too.

I don't know what she's smoking but these generalizations are stupid.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 02:53 PM
 
2,241 posts, read 769,699 times
Reputation: 5717
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Or just both agree to not see anyone else and go exclusive.
That was my tactic- I even narrowed it down to "Can we agree that the physical relationship is exclusive?" and he agreed. I trust him. I REALLY don't want a ring (neither of us is interested in remarrying anybody) but I did want it to be a sexually monogamous relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 03:25 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 28 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,911 posts, read 3,765,276 times
Reputation: 20140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Or just both agree to not see anyone else and go exclusive.
Well, sure it could be done as a verbal agreement.

But if a man has only gone out with me a few times and then gets livid when he finds out I'm seeing others, that makes no sense to me. He hasn't told me he wants to be exclusive or made any commitment himself to stop seeing others.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2019, 03:49 PM
 
Location: California
910 posts, read 246,706 times
Reputation: 2560
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Well, sure it could be done as a verbal agreement.

But if a man has only gone out with me a few times and then gets livid when he finds out I'm seeing others, that makes no sense to me. He hasn't told me he wants to be exclusive or made any commitment himself to stop seeing others.
I've been reading various relationship forums for years now, and there seems to be two distinct camps on this. People who think like you, and people who assume that exclusivity is automatic when there's an obvious connection between two people.

I've noticed that your mindset is much more common in bigger cities, and the second mindset is more common in small towns. I grew up in a small town and dating multiple people at once was never considered acceptable (aside from people who were out about being polyamorous or in open relationships, which was pretty rare). People in my town would get together and be 100% exclusive from pretty much day one. There didn't seem to be a lot of dating in the sense of going out with strangers. People would fall in love with the people they knew from their social circles.

Growing up this way, I've never been one to date more than one person at once. It just doesn't really make sense to me. Connections between people are rare. When it happened with someone, it was always really special and exciting, and neither of us would have been seeing other people at the time anyway. So this "having the talk about exclusivity" has never really been something I've had to deal with. If someone is into me, I'd just assume they were only into me unless they told me otherwise.

I much prefer this way of thinking, myself. The idea that connections could be so meaningless that someone could be vibing with me all night yet still interested in seeing someone else... I don't know. Just very strange to me. Of course there are some people who do that sort of dating even in small towns, but we always referred to them as "players" and it was rather frowned upon.

It's a problem when people of these two mindsets attempt to get together without discussing these different views beforehand. I could understand being livid when you think you've found something special with someone and then you find out it was rather meaningless to them and they are still seeing multiple other people. But it's just two very different ways of viewing romance/sex and no one is really in the wrong, I guess.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top