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Old 07-25-2019, 08:55 AM
 
7,736 posts, read 3,032,095 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanMarlton View Post
Let me put this in perspective for everyone on here.
....
Last night I decided to go the extreme route and blindly swiped through everyone while I was watching a ballgame. And I literally did swipe through the entire local pool without looking at anyone. As of 3 pm today, I have received exactly one match - some African-american TG person.

So yeah, dating in US is apparently resting in peace. At least on Tinder, anyway.
Ok now me. If I log onto pof, (which I didn’t delete, but switched to Bumble) I find: Oh boy One thousand three hundred plus guys have swiped right and want to meet me! No wonder I have such a huge head and outrageous ego! I’m going to pick chad bc he’s in that top 20%! (Not really, I’m going to pick Wut)

Guess what that means?!? You’ve just helped to skew the numbers into inoperable land for me too! (no pun intended). The chances of my getting a response in real life numbers however, are not 100%. More like 1 in 5. That’s great, right? Well I can just message back and forth forever with those, then I’ll get impatient after a week or two and finally insist of one: “Ok, where irl would you like to meet, then I’ll send ‘more pictures’, after we meet in real life and hit it off, ok?” Finally I pick a day/place/time. Almost EVERY time. I do.

Know what my point is? At that point 1-2 weeks have gone by, and out of that 1,300 swipes, I got one of them to leave their house. Men just want to entertain themselves with their phone. If I sent revealing pics, that would be enough, we would probably not get to the meeting point, as they’d have more “material” to stay home with!

Now I don’t mean alllll men of course, I have recently approximated my number of first dates to be around 50 in 3 years. There was a year long relationship in there, a couple of FWB I could still call right now, and a few short term less than 2 month “relationships”.

It’s still fun for me, I enjoy meeting people, I don’t even look at ANY of it as rejection, even if it ended with I wasn’t their type. I usually am the one to pass though bc I neeed real chemistry, not just “nice”.

I wonder how much effort you actually put into an irl meeting?
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We Americans and our online dating apps-87020e3b-fd6d-4ae5-8682-63ec4bfc044e.jpeg  

Last edited by RbccL; 07-25-2019 at 09:04 AM..
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Old 07-25-2019, 09:12 AM
 
2,145 posts, read 587,518 times
Reputation: 1407
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post

I wonder how much effort you actually put into an irl meeting?
Oh man, don't get me started on the whole "Pulling teeth to get them to meet" thing. LOL

When I was doing online dating, there was this woman that SPECIFICALLY listed that she didn't want text buddies, didn't want long email exchanges, no ghosting, etc....wanted to meet pretty soon with the men that contacted her.

Guess what, she was acting the VERY SAME way as she specified what she DID NOT want in a man when it came to corresponding on the site.

She kept lingering, didn't want to talk on the phone...didn't believe in giving out her # (I have a policy of talking on the phone before meeting).

What was funny is she agreed to talking on the phone, and I said, "Oh okay, may I get your #?" "Sorry, I don't like to talk on the phone"

I was like "But you JUST said..."

So turns out she was playing games with me, a hypocrite and I called her on it.
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Old 07-25-2019, 10:27 AM
Status: "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ..." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Boulder, CO
516 posts, read 159,900 times
Reputation: 956
PoF cleaned up the 'bots that spammed me with porn messages after I swiped some profiles under "Meet Me" (usually a url to some live site). These accounts had pics of 20-30 year olds listed as 50 or 52 and the account names always ended in a 4 digit hexadecimal value (i.e., "a13f").


Now I get "Meet Me" 's from women whose location is ",10 miles away" or ", nearby" ... dead giveaway, no city/state. And every one of them is an "upgraded" member, "MsX is serious, and only wants to hear from upgraded members. Upgrade now!" ... um, how obvious can you be, PoF ? I cannot be tricked into subscribing.


I usually try to move directly to a f2f meeting, since I live near a pretty trendy walkable downtown with TONS of restaurants, shops, bars, pubs, dessert joints, coffee shops, tea houses, lots of live street shows from musicians to jugglers, acrobats and magicians, so picking a place out of all that is the only challenge (a good problem to have).
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Old 07-25-2019, 06:10 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,711 posts, read 33,602,337 times
Reputation: 32526
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl View Post
All of this is why I don't really "date" in the sense of going out and purposefully meeting strangers to see if there can be a romantic connection.

I just wait for connections to naturally occur. And when a connection does naturally occur, usually you only notice it because it's powerful. The sort of connection I want is something so rare and special that when it does happen, both people are not likely to be thinking about seeing anyone else.

I think people who are constantly out looking for love and sorting through a million people trying to find "the one" have a very different approach. But still, it's the same. A real connection only comes around once in a while whether you stay single for years in between or fill the time by dating random people.
I want to agree with this. Technically, I met my two most significant romantic experiences in completely different fashions. One, randomly through a dating app while I lived in VA and she in KY. The other, met through music fandom and being at the same festival. If a connection is meant to happen, love will find a way.

I’ve kinda given up the OLD life. Sure I’ll swipe if I’m really bored but just dating randoms and wasting time with superficial connections just is not the move for me.
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Old 07-26-2019, 02:54 AM
 
Location: around
731 posts, read 250,343 times
Reputation: 651
Ha, here , the whole meeting pressure thing was why l was only on it a mth or so.
l suppose l might sound like one of those guys but as l said l was only lookin around at the time and that was because l just wasn't ready. And l explained something to that effect on my page too,
But every time l'd start talking to someone , often 4 or 5 , l'd get all this pressure to come and meet. Some were relentless no matter how much l explained where l'm at.

Though , there was one , we clicked so nicely and talked on the phone a lot, l probably should've took a leap of faith with her and met.
And actually l would've and not only did we get along really well but she sounded pretty hot to just quietly. But you know what, in 3wks she wouldn't show me a pic, it was getting ridiculous, kept saying with her job she can't have pics floating round out there but l dunno.
She'd say listen to us, take a punt, come for coffee, if ya don't like me take off no hard feeling.
But she was an hour away and it seemed mad to be so close by now yet still no pic.
And get this, no first name either, l use to just call her t t .

l ended up shutting it down , no pic no damn name, you kidding.
later though l got to thinking she might've been a cop. She'd talk about her work but not specific, and often she was on duty she'd call it, on wkends.
But who knows. Anyway , couldn't live with a cop if that was the case, frown.
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Old 07-30-2019, 12:08 AM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,351 posts, read 2,990,555 times
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I don't really understand online dating.

I've looked through profiles on POF, when they allowed you to do that without signing up, and I found many people who were sexually attractive to me, but I didn't feel the emotional drive to meet them. All the people I've had feelings for were people I met in real life. Unfortunately none of them liked me back...

But I also feel like it's kind of backwards. To me, you should get to know someone first, in a platonic context, then if there are feelings, tell them and potentially be together. But not just online dating, the whole concept of dating a stranger. I've never been on a date, really, unless you count what happened between celesbian and I...but that isn't really a date because she's a lesbian. What I'm saying though is that dating assumes you don't know the person and yet you're spending time together for romantic purposes. I want to meet someone as a friend, in a platonic context, get to know them as a friend, and if things develop, I want it to happen naturally...like we are doing an activity as friends and accidentally kiss, that kind of thing.

Not that it has ever worked for me...but dating, especially online dating...it just seems too artificial and backwards to me.
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Old 07-30-2019, 11:52 AM
Status: "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ..." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Boulder, CO
516 posts, read 159,900 times
Reputation: 956
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
I don't really understand online dating.

But I also feel like it's kind of backwards. To me, you should get to know someone first, in a platonic context, then if there are feelings, tell them and potentially be together. But not just online dating, the whole concept of dating a stranger.
OLD is Bizarro world dating. Back in the day you went on a date because there was attraction. You might have known a little about them, from friends in common etc, but not a lot - they were an unknown, and you'd find out more over the course of several dates.

With the upside-down of OLD, you know everything about a possible dating interest college degree, current occupation, sports likes, musical tastes, hobbies/pastimes, books they like, their pets everything EXCEPT if there is attraction. Need to meet up f2f for that.

At least three-fifths of the time, women I've met where I thought there could be attraction, there hasn't been, on the parts of one of us or both. On paper (or screen), these seem like great matches. It is the oddest thing, "no spark", "no tingles", "no lightning bolt". Is it because of the nonchalant attitude "well, I have dates Thursday and Saturday, if this one doesn't work out" ? Or am I just jaded after so many "meh" meet-ups ? Or too quick to dismiss on account of one or two things I might not like ("Oh geez she has a rose tattoo on her chest, yuck") ?

It is truly odd and something I spend a lot of time thinking about.
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Old 08-03-2019, 01:37 AM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,351 posts, read 2,990,555 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADogNamedSam View Post
OLD is Bizarro world dating. Back in the day you went on a date because there was attraction. You might have known a little about them, from friends in common etc, but not a lot - they were an unknown, and you'd find out more over the course of several dates.
Yes but you see, I don't even like that. I would rather get to know someone outside of a romantic context, then if something develops, great. But in my view, the knowledge should come first, then the feelings, then the dates. Not that it has ever worked for me.

I do have a woman in the Philippines who says she would be interested in a relationship. She is VERY attractive, but I would say I feel more friendship than anything else. Plus I am in the USA, so going to the Philippines would be very expensive. I would love to visit her someday, though. Hopefully soon. But as of right now, it's still true that nobody for whom I had romantic feelings has liked me back. Unless I go there and I have feelings for her and she still feels that way about me.

But I dunno, I told her a relationship is impractical. Better to call each other friends until we can meet, at least. And I explained that I wouldn't be able to fly out there often.

Quote:
At least three-fifths of the time, women I've met where I thought there could be attraction, there hasn't been, on the parts of one of us or both.
Yeah, I just don't have a desire to meet any of those people on OLD, so far. I don't know how people find profiles which give them that feeling. I can only assume a lot of people are meeting based on how attractive the person is physically?

Of course, I have a lot of piratical impediments...I share a one bedroom apartment (it's Silicon Valley! expensive), I only make 20% above minimum wage, I don't have a car and don't know how to drive, I only have time for myself on weekends (due to commute), etc.
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Old 08-03-2019, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Moving?!
216 posts, read 50,312 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
Yeah, I just don't have a desire to meet any of those people on OLD, so far. I don't know how people find profiles which give them that feeling. I can only assume a lot of people are meeting based on how attractive the person is physically?
If I see similar interests, values, relationship goals, vocabulary, etc. that's enough for me to reach out. Physical attraction will usually be there with any reasonably fit girl around my age (unless she has lots of tats/piercings).
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Old 08-10-2019, 12:50 AM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,351 posts, read 2,990,555 times
Reputation: 2107
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle View Post
If I see similar interests, values, relationship goals, vocabulary, etc. that's enough for me to reach out.

You see, to me that would make someone a potential friend. It wouldn't inspire that spark of desire for a relationship. I don't know where people are getting that. I looked through lots of profiles and didn't feel a desire to meet anybody. Sleep with them, yes. Date them...no I didn't find that.
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