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Old Today, 08:58 AM
 
14,470 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Hell, if I had a dime for every profile that stated that...also I could stack a whole LIST of commonly said thing in dating profiles.

"Life's too short to sweat the small stuff"

"Looking for my partner in crime"

"I love to laugh" (Honestly, has anyone ever stated in a profile that they dislike laughing?).

"Must not be hung up on their ex"

"Looking for a nice guy!"

"Where are all the nice guys?!"

(The 90s profile) "Dance like no one's watching!"

I could go on...but those are the few that come to mind. LOL

The thing is though, women are just as bad at writing the "No drama" thing in their profiles.

All in all, it's negativity in the profile. I'd seen full paragraph rants about the opposite sex in their profile.

Another one, "Well, I"m trying this again...didn't have much luck before, so now giving it another shot"

Yeah, that sounded enthusastic. :P

Even though this thread is not about all those phrases, I will go off topic anyway. I don't see all of those as negative. They may be unoriginal, but I see no crime in that. I don't need someone to entertain me.

"Life's too short to sweat the small stuff" = not negative. Just trying to appear easy going.

"Looking for my partner in crime" = not negative. Just trying to say they want to find a mate

"I love to laugh" (Honestly, has anyone ever stated in a profile that they dislike laughing?). = not negative. They couldn't think of anything else to say and yes they like to laugh.

"Must not be hung up on their ex" = now this is similar to what I made this thread about. It is stating what they don't want. I don't think it's wrong though if you're willing to take that risk. At least it's specific.

"Looking for a nice guy!"= not negative. Just may be stating that they want a nice guy. It's ineffective as a weeding out device though. ALL men think they are nice.

"Where are all the nice guys?!" = this is negative. No way around that.

(The 90s profile) "Dance like no one's watching!" = not negative. Just trying to appear to be fun.


Most of these are just people filling in something cliche because they can't think of anything original to say and the dating site makes you fill it in. You don't have to believe the image they are trying to portray until you meet them in person, but at least they are trying. I honestly see nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is Oscar Wild or Marilyn Monroe.
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Old Today, 09:01 AM
 
14,470 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joee5 View Post
I'd think the no drama deal would refer to head games

That's interesting. You and someone else above said the same thing. This would have never occurred to me to no drama is in reference to the dating-get-to-know-you process.
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Old Today, 09:02 AM
 
14,470 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCal_Native View Post
If you see wine bottles and cat bowls: RUN.

Are you talking about me???
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Old Today, 09:03 AM
 
155 posts, read 26,334 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joee5 View Post
I'd think the no drama deal would refer to head games
It's so funny though to assume that because someone is asking for no head games, those who play head games will instantly deselect themselves. People who play head games have weird boundaries and will step over the 'no drama' boundary. So for that reason I think it's a totally useless addition to a profile, and is more likely to cause nice people who want a supportive, loving partner to deselect themselves, if they have had any life drama at all.
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Old Today, 09:05 AM
 
14,470 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I think this story and article should remind everyone we are human and need to be with other humans who understand that drama is part of the human experience and not something that we can shut down,

Exactly.
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Old Today, 09:12 AM
 
14,470 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
It's so funny though to assume that because someone is asking for no head games, those who play head games will instantly deselect themselves. People who play head games have weird boundaries and will step over the 'no drama' boundary. So for that reason I think it's a totally useless addition to a profile, and is more likely to cause nice people who want a supportive, loving partner to deselect themselves, if they have had any life drama at all.

Yessssssss. I'm convinced that there is a universe rule that whatever you say you don't want, the universe brings exactly that to you. Because you are focusing on that. Just yesterday I reactivated my dating profile (I do that when I'm trying to muster up the will power to stay no contact with my ex) and I specifically updated it to state that I only want to date men within a certain mile radius, and I indicated that in the blurb that you write as well, and what do I get? A bunch of men outside of that radius telling me that they see that we are looking for the same thing. No we are not! Well, I brought all that on myself for focusing on that.


PS - as a PSA, don't binge-watch '90 Day Fiance' like I did.
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Old Today, 09:49 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,864 posts, read 1,820,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Of course he can't put it down in detail, but saying "No drama" is going to scare away some women who he would find good because the definition is so broad.


Years ago, a wise male friend of mine told me to write a dating profile that was general, unspecific and happy/positive, and that I would attract EVERY kind of male, because I would just look like a cute happy woman and all men like that. And then after they come (to my inbox), I can weed out the ones that don't fit my specific criteria. So that is what I did and it worked. I believe men should do the same. Don't write what you don't want, be positive and filter later. I don't think men get hundreds of messages from women to filter through anyway, so they should take this approach. I'm talking about single men here. I believe you are married.
If that worked for you great. I personally would never write a dating profile that was general and unspecific. When I was on OKC a few years ago, I wrote a very detailed profile stating exactly what I was looking for and I answered a lot of the questions (probably like 500-600) to further filter out ones that I would not be compatible with. To me having a bunch of dates with women that aren't compatible with me especially on big issues like having children was a total waste of time. And guess what? It worked perfectly for me! I've read quite a few posts on here where OKC has changed quite a bit the last few years which is a shame. If I ever broke up for whatever reason I'm not sure what I'd use.

Regarding the op, I'm usually able to tell pretty well by profiles whether someone is high drama, and I just avoided those.
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Old Today, 09:52 AM
 
5,278 posts, read 2,365,391 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCal_Native View Post
If you see wine bottles and cat bowls: RUN.
What's the matter with wine and cats?


Straight middle aged long-time married guy here. If I didn't have a dreadful cat allergy, wine and cats would make a good start for me. I like wine, I love cats (but unfortunately, only at a distance - see cat allergy).
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Old Today, 09:56 AM
 
5,278 posts, read 2,365,391 times
Reputation: 15036
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
...
I myself am very sensitive to not being with someone who is going to turn a small event into World War III. I grew up with it in my home and I work in a field that happens often and it is a draining experience.

However, I’m not going to be willing to be with someone who is not inclined to support me through a drama and just interprets me working through a legitimate drama as “drama.” Just this year, I’ve seen someone get shot, I was demoted at work, and a close friend took his own life....
Well, I think the first part of this is what people are trying to avoid; not the second part.


If you are casually dating someone and you go through REAL drama (not the invented stuff), how they respond to you during that time will be an excellent test of what they would be like as a long term partner.


But I think "no drama" means "I don't want to deal with someone who's constantly upset about something someone supposedly did to them, or who throws a giant hissy fit at the least provocation", NOT "I want someone who never has any of life's difficulties or tragedies happen to them".
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Old Today, 09:58 AM
 
7,418 posts, read 11,579,662 times
Reputation: 8216
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I’m talking about DATING PROFILES.

The fantasy of the “No drama” relationship.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/20/o...pid-drama.html
First point. 'No drama' is just a generalized statement that means men want to avoid in general ... a lot of fighting in a relationship.

2nd point. Eliminating a man who is otherwise perfect (as she herself said) because of mentioning that sentence is just about the pinnacle of stupidity.

Especially if you've been through a divorce after 23 years, and you're in your 50s probably?

At that point you should realize what's important is the base character, not overanalyze one ambiguous sentence on a person's profile.

But it really does illustrate how women shoot themselves in the foot despite having the luxury of options.
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