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Old Today, 10:10 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,864 posts, read 1,820,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
I always interpret it to mean making a mountain out of every molehill. I'm sure others see it differently.
This is exactly how I interpret it. For example coming home from work everyday and spending a half hour complaining about every little trivial thing that happened that day. I dated a woman like this years ago and needless to say it didn't last long.
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Old Today, 10:22 AM
 
156 posts, read 26,334 times
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On a personal level, I am put off by "no drama" on a profile. It's not a clever thing to write, because of what I wrote earlier - people who thrive on drama aren't going to read it and deselect themselves. Such people typically have poor boundaries - they don't care about other peoples' preferences. Or they don't even realise they thrive on drama.

'No drama' could well mean: "I want a shallow relationship where my needs get taken care of but I don't want to deal with any emotional stuff or have to provide support." I'm probably not going to date the person who writes that, to find out.

I also agree that it's best to keep dating profiles positive. I've seen a fair few profiles with rants about the opposite sex or people they've dated. Ironically such people tend to state 'no drama' while coming across as a bit dramatic themselves.
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Old Today, 10:24 AM
 
7,420 posts, read 11,579,662 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turf3 View Post
Well, I think the first part of this is what people are trying to avoid; not the second part.


If you are casually dating someone and you go through REAL drama (not the invented stuff), how they respond to you during that time will be an excellent test of what they would be like as a long term partner.


But I think "no drama" means "I don't want to deal with someone who's constantly upset about something someone supposedly did to them, or who throws a giant hissy fit at the least provocation", NOT "I want someone who never has any of life's difficulties or tragedies happen to them".
Agreed and well illustrated.

And again I say ... interpreting writing "100% drama free" on a dating profile as "I'll have absolutely no empathy in our relationship" is jumping to conclusions at best.
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Old Today, 10:28 AM
 
14,472 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
If that worked for you great. I personally would never write a dating profile that was general and unspecific. When I was on OKC a few years ago, I wrote a very detailed profile stating exactly what I was looking for and I answered a lot of the questions (probably like 500-600) to further filter out ones that I would not be compatible with. To me having a bunch of dates with women that aren't compatible with me especially on big issues like having children was a total waste of time. And guess what? It worked perfectly for me! I've read quite a few posts on here where OKC has changed quite a bit the last few years which is a shame. If I ever broke up for whatever reason I'm not sure what I'd use.

Regarding the op, I'm usually able to tell pretty well by profiles whether someone is high drama, and I just avoided those.
I don't need to have a bunch of dates to weed the incompatible out. Sometimes all it would take is to read their profile and see simple things that make us incompatible, or a message or two would weed them out (or they would weed themselves out). I didn't have a go on a bunch of dates. I know what I want and what I don't want enough to screen before we even meet.
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Old Today, 10:44 AM
 
14,472 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turf3 View Post
But it really does illustrate how women shoot themselves in the foot despite having the luxury of options.

If they have a luxury of options (your words, not mine) then they naturally will just pick one who doesn't have an ambiguous statement like that in his profile.
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Old Today, 10:46 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,962 posts, read 70,771,627 times
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Stating "no drama" in a profile isn't going to eliminate the drama queens (or kings). People who have a need to create drama don't recognize that quality in themselves, so stating a zero-tolerance for drama is useless. All it achieves, is that it alerts others to the fact that the owner of the profile has had a pattern of involvement with drama queens, or possibly that they're judgmental and condescending. I would tend to avoid those people.
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Old Today, 10:51 AM
 
14,472 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Stating "no drama" in a profile isn't going to eliminate the drama queens (or kings). People who have a need to create drama don't recognize that quality in themselves, so stating a zero-tolerance for drama is useless. All it achieves, is that it alerts others to the fact that the owner of the profile has had a pattern of involvement with drama queens, or possibly that they're judgmental and condescending. I would tend to avoid those people.

Yep


My first question is, Why are you dating so many drama queens?, Why are you attracted to them?

It's like if a woman says, "No felons!". It's like, why are you dating felons?!?!

It just shows that something is wrong with you and your picker.
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Old Today, 10:55 AM
 
2,131 posts, read 1,697,261 times
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I understand why people put in there profile. I know I bring nothing but tranquility to a relationship (no unhealthy co-parenting, no crazy ex, no disrespectful friends, financial assets, etc. --with exception of a silly picardlx online alter ego ) and I demand the same. Nothing wrong with articulating this in a succinct phrase: no drama. Did I ever use it myself when on OLD, no. But, I get it.
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Old Today, 11:00 AM
 
14,472 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx View Post
I understand why people put in there profile. I know I bring nothing but tranquility to a relationship (no unhealthy co-parenting, no crazy ex, no disrespectful friends, financial assets, etc. --with exception of a silly picardlx online alter ego ) and I demand the same. Nothing wrong with articulating this in a succinct phrase: no drama. Did I ever use it myself when on OLD, no. But, I get it.

It's true that some people say "No drama" because they are referring to themselves. They perceive themselves as a person with no drama. But that's different than asking for your date to have no drama in their lives. If you don't make it clear that you are referring to yourself or you are referring to what your partner brings, then that's just another layer of ambiguity to add to the phrase.
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Old Today, 11:03 AM
 
2,131 posts, read 1,697,261 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
It's true that some people say "No drama" because they are referring to themselves. They perceive themselves as a person with no drama. But that's different than asking for your date to have no drama in their lives. If you don't make it clear that you are referring to yourself or you are referring to what your partner brings, then that's just another layer of ambiguity to add to the phrase.
I think when the phrase is used it implicitly means both things. I can't imagine a true 'no drama' person advertising that fact but expecting different in a partner.
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