So many men say they want“No drama” or “Drama free” in their profiles (wives, girlfriends)

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by RbccL

Yep! Those are the drama-causers I’ve met. Just want to do dumb stuff, get away with things, and not deal with consequences. Instead if the reaction is: “You did what?!” The person reacting is “full of drama”. Otherwise known as gas-lighting.

Yep. THEY create the drama, but get mad when someone else reacts.

[scribbles76]

The only way to avoid ‘drama’ is to keep human interaction to a minimum and avoid romantic entanglements altogether. I recommend it.

[Sydney123]

Originally Posted by scribbles76

The only way to avoid ‘drama’ is to keep human interaction to a minimum and avoid romantic entanglements altogether. I recommend it.

Do you do it by choice or circumstance?

[scribbles76]

Both. ��

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by scribbles76

Both. ��

But you are an extreme. You protect yourself from pain, but on the flip side, you are not available for love.

Romantic, I know you have friends. It's a choice. For some it is worth it to give up one for the other.

But just a note, it looks like 90% of your posts have to do with romantic relationships. Read into that what you will.

[Fifty Seven]

Originally Posted by Harpaint

They only want the drama THEY create though.

Maybe they create enough drama for an entire relationship?

I think the person earlier in the thread who said they are probably looking for someone who doesn't tend to create mountains out of molehills had it right. Saying you're looking for someone who doesn't create drama may be the wrong way to express that though. Instead of highlighting a negative trait you don't want to see, mention a positive trait that you would like to see. Like saying you're looking for someone who is "laid back" or something like that. People are more likely to recognize positive traits within themselves than negative ones anyway.

[hawk101]

l think it's near impossible meeting a woman 40's early 50 that doesn't have crap, big crap, if not drama even just in their ways, or just being with her one way or another just brings on a whole new world of complications and often bs. Or it's just her own head stuff and issues, or just the way she does things, or wants things, any of it call it all whatever you like .
l've got 6 sisters and 5brothers, the sisters are pretty well all a nightmare that most of us avoid.
The brothers, nothing. We mostly have about the easiest most hassle free thing , even if we haven't seen each other in a few yrs. l could count our 50yrs of any drama with all 6 of us on one hand. The sisters , ha, one hand wouldn't even cover a week, even if you don't see them it still somehow effects you.

So basically a guy would just like to meet someone , just one, without the stuff.

[athena53]

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm female and included "no drama" in my profile and said I wanted the same from a man. I'm 66 and at this age most of us have track marks on our back from where people ran over us. I've survived marriage to a verbally abusive, alcoholic and financially irresponsible first husband. My wonderful second husband died in late 2016, a month after my mother. I've been downsized. I spent about $50,000 in 1997-2003 to get my son the education he deserved when he was falling through the cracks in the public school system.

But- I'm happy. That's my "default" setting. When bad stuff happens in my life and I can't change it, I figure out where I go from there. I can talk about the bad episodes in my life without going on and on or expecting pity or having it drive my attitude towards life. I'm dating a lawyer who burned out (criminal defense attorney) mostly because he cared too much, and resigned from the bar and divorced at age 61 (about 7 years ago). He lives in a crappy apartment because he let his wife have the house- he'll get half when she sells it but no deadline. He's smart and kind and we just made our first trip together- long weekend at a B&B and we travel together very well.

An overused but very true theme in Toastmasters contest speeches: it's not what happens to you in life. It's how you let it affect you.

[riffle]

Originally Posted by srjth

I don't need to have a bunch of dates to weed the incompatible out. Sometimes all it would take is to read their profile and see simple things that make us incompatible, or a message or two would weed them out (or they would weed themselves out). I didn't have a go on a bunch of dates. I know what I want and what I don't want enough to screen before we even meet.

But your advice to men was to make a generic profile. Wouldn't this make it harder for you to screen before replying to a first message?

Originally Posted by Carly1983

How can you know what is coming up in your life, though? What if your partner gets really sick or gets into legal trouble through no fault of their own, to give a couple of examples. Life involves drama on occasion.

There's a difference between drama that happens to you and drama that you create for your own amusement.

[Sonic_Spork]

I feel that the relationship I have with my boyfriend is drama free. I mean, as much as it can be since we are human. We have little bumps in the road now and then but they are VERY infrequent, and they are generally not explosive.

When I think of wanting a drama free partner, I think of a couple of things. First, obviously, my ex husband. Duh. I mean, we got through so many hardships in life that I felt could have justified his miserable bad attitude... The point we were at, he was able to retire if he wanted and do whatever he wanted with his life, all of our debt was paid off (except like the mortgage) and we had a lovely house in a nice suburb. We lived near one of his best friends and had other friends for him to spend time with. There was never going to be more space or freedom for him to find happiness. And what happened? In the absence of crisis, he BECAME the source of constant crisis. Smoking weed and drinking every day, throwing tantrums, constantly yelling at the kids, saying humiliating things about me, in front of me, to his friends and our sons, threatening violence to himself and others... DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.

When you can't relax in your own home because somebody is a ticking time bomb ready to go off at any second, all the damn time... No, that is some drama I do not need.

And then secondly, there is the fact that I am also attracted to women, and have considered forming a secondary relationship with one...and yet when I look around at the women in my life, even though they are intelligent, successful, beautiful people that I love to spend time with, they have problems that damn near define them. Chronic pain, unpredictable emotional instability, bipolar disorder, alcoholism... No, I'm not inviting that into my day to day life, or my home. Not a freakin' chance. I'll still hang out with them, but I cannot be invested in them really. Sure as hell not the kind of partnership where they become all up in my closest circle, my home, around my sons. Nope. I mean when we had plans but someone cancels last minute because they are just weepy and don't want to see anyone for no particular reason, or they tell me they've destroyed most of their belongings in a rage at one point or another so they don't buy themselves anything nice anymore...what the hell?

I want my HOME to be a haven of peace and quiet and harmony. I will never again tolerate anyone living there who disturbs that on a regular basis. Thankfully my boyfriend is a very Zen kind of dude. Sure, we both have rough days and we can vent and be heard, but that looks like a conversation, not an explosion. We have health problems we support one another through now and again. But I guess I am saying that neither of us is the sort of person who makes problems all the time that do not have to exist, nor generates negative vibes all the time. Neither of us wants to live like that, and both of us appreciate that about one another.