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Old Today, 07:04 AM
 
14,470 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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I’m talking about DATING PROFILES.

The fantasy of the “No drama” relationship.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/20/o...pid-drama.html

Last edited by srjth; Today at 07:26 AM..
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Old Today, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,704 posts, read 11,110,503 times
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I disagree with that writer. I think when people say “no drama” they’re not necessarily talking about life events that happen. I think they’re referring to superficial games people often play in dating. Or they can be referring to a busy body personality that has to be involved in every online discussion or every confrontation on social media.

I think we all probably know someone who’s like this. Who every little perceived slight results in a “i won’t be disrespected like that!” And so on. Or the busy body who isn’t happy until he or she has weighed in on everyone else’s business (but also balks when someone else weighs in on his or hers). I’ve been in relationships and friendships with people like that and I’m telling you it is effing exhausting to be around them.

I’m sure this writer feels very smart for pointing out the things she pointed out in her article. But I highly doubt she’s any more intelligent than any of the “no drama” profiles she swiped past. Life is full of drama. We all know that. But real life events are probably not what these people are talking about.
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Old Today, 07:40 AM
 
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Saying "No drama" is clearly super subjective and "drama" it could be interpreted in so many ways. So it's silly and useless to even write that, because someone would have to be a mind-reader to know exactly what they meant by drama. All it does is NOT communicate exactly what he wants by leaving the reader clueless about what he means, while at the same time making him seem insensitive and soul-less. He should state exactly what he doesn't want instead of using that lazy term.
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Old Today, 07:43 AM
 
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When I read "no drama" I instantly get the impression "this person doesn't want to be bothered with other people or relationships"... just a judgment my mind makes before I even have time to think about it. Not sure if it's true though.
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Old Today, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Florida
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I always interpret it to mean making a mountain out of every molehill. I'm sure others see it differently.
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Old Today, 07:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
I always interpret it to mean making a mountain out of every molehill. I'm sure others see it differently.
I tend to agree with this viewpoint.

I divorced myself from drama years ago. Serves no purpose in an amicable relationship.

Take it easy ..works.
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Old Today, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Saying "No drama" is clearly super subjective and "drama" it could be interpreted in so many ways. So it's silly and useless to even write that, because someone would have to be a mind-reader to know exactly what they meant by drama. All it does is NOT communicate exactly what he wants by leaving the reader clueless about what he means, while at the same time making him seem insensitive and soul-less. He should state exactly what he doesn't want instead of using that lazy term.
Perhaps but how much detail can one provide on a dating profile? Can he legitimately define “drama” by giving examples? I think if he does that he runs the risk of appearing petty. Maybe drama doesn’t adequately capture what he is looking to avoid, but it’s not like he gets to write a biography on his profile either. Same goes for women who use the term in their profiles. Sure, they run the risk of confusing people with what they mean but I’d consider that risk minimal. It’s probablt understood well enough that we wouldn’t even think to talk about it here had some columnist not overthought it enough to do a write up on it.
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Old Today, 07:59 AM
 
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I wonder how many people write under "What I'm Looking For": Drama.
Might as well add in: addiction, baggage, debt, narcissism, criminal record, etc.
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Old Today, 08:12 AM
 
14,470 posts, read 17,399,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
Perhaps but how much detail can one provide on a dating profile? Can he legitimately define “drama” by giving examples? I think if he does that he runs the risk of appearing petty. Maybe drama doesn’t adequately capture what he is looking to avoid, but it’s not like he gets to write a biography on his profile either. Same goes for women who use the term in their profiles. Sure, they run the risk of confusing people with what they mean but I’d consider that risk minimal. It’s probablt understood well enough that we wouldn’t even think to talk about it here had some columnist not overthought it enough to do a write up on it.

Of course he can't put it down in detail, but saying "No drama" is going to scare away some women who he would find good because the definition is so broad.


Years ago, a wise male friend of mine told me to write a dating profile that was general, unspecific and happy/positive, and that I would attract EVERY kind of male, because I would just look like a cute happy woman and all men like that. And then after they come (to my inbox), I can weed out the ones that don't fit my specific criteria. So that is what I did and it worked. I believe men should do the same. Don't write what you don't want, be positive and filter later. I don't think men get hundreds of messages from women to filter through anyway, so they should take this approach. I'm talking about single men here. I believe you are married.
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Old Today, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,654 posts, read 33,477,720 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
I disagree with that writer. I think when people say “no drama” they’re not necessarily talking about life events that happen. I think they’re referring to superficial games people often play in dating. Or they can be referring to a busy body personality that has to be involved in every online discussion or every confrontation on social media.

I think we all probably know someone who’s like this. Who every little perceived slight results in a “i won’t be disrespected like that!” And so on. Or the busy body who isn’t happy until he or she has weighed in on everyone else’s business (but also balks when someone else weighs in on his or hers). I’ve been in relationships and friendships with people like that and I’m telling you it is effing exhausting to be around them.

I’m sure this writer feels very smart for pointing out the things she pointed out in her article. But I highly doubt she’s any more intelligent than any of the “no drama” profiles she swiped past. Life is full of drama. We all know that. But real life events are probably not what these people are talking about.
I do think there is part of your statement that has truth. But I do think the writer, very clumsily, makes a valid point. BOTH men and women who use that phrase, tend to be full of drama themselves, IMO. A lot of that drama comes from the fact that they have a natural inclination to be so sensitive to not dealing with drama, they will cut bait at the first hint of drama.

I myself am very sensitive to not being with someone who is going to turn a small event into World War III. I grew up with it in my home and I work in a field that happens often and it is a draining experience.

However, I’m not going to be willing to be with someone who is not inclined to support me through a drama and just interprets me working through a legitimate drama as “drama.” Just this year, I’ve seen someone get shot, I was demoted at work, and a close friend took his own life. I wasn’t the best person to be around while I was working through all that. If a partner interpreted me not being the most personable through those events as drama they don’t want to deal with, that would be the death knell for any connection with them.

I think this story and article should remind everyone we are human and need to be with other humans who understand that drama is part of the human experience and not something that we can shut down,
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