Is this Life?? (wife, girl, loyalty, single)

[veuvegirl]

Get out; and get out now. Anyone who demeans you or treat you like this man has, is not worth your life. Trust me, you will be so much happier when you get away from him. It will be hard at first, but each day will get better; and soon you will wonder what took you so long.

You need to feel comfortable in your own skin, and know who you are. Don't let some a**hole dictate to you who you are, who your friends are and what you should do. It sounds like he has chipped away every aspect of your life making you into his own plaything.

The children are a sad part of this story, that I don't know how to give you advice.....

Just find the strength within yourself.....

[Tzaphkiel]

He is very controlling and abusive.
Get out while you can, as it only gets worse.

Don't be the woman I know who is 74 and now that her husband died, she is free to live her own life and she is "trying to remember how competent and capable she was when she was 18."

There are no victims, only volunteers. Getting together with him can be called a mistake. Staying with him is a choice. You deserve better.

I had to develop cancer after 13 years with the guy I was with, before it dawned on me I was killing myself to get out of the marriage I refused to leave. One way or another I was getting out. I chose to do it alive.

[Tzaphkiel]

NO HE WILL NOT CHANGE.
Get out of fantasy land and into the real world.
He is manipulative, controlling, and abusive.

Get yourself into counseling, get yourself into a 12-step group like Al-Anon, talk to someone at a women's crisis center or women's shelter about what you are going through and the resources that are available.

[Tzaphkiel]

This is the you that is confident, capable, resourceful, and successful:

I got married when I was 18 years old. I already had a year of college behind me for pre-med (I graduated high school early) and had moved into my own place, had my own car, my own computer, my own cell phone, camcorder, t.v., I even had my own light, water, rent, and gas bill! I was living 500 miles away from my parents and loving every minute of it. Ill have you know that all these things were not just given to me either I did have help but I worked my butt of as a CNA in a rehabilitation hospital.

Don't lose her. You'll end up hating yourself and resenting him and miserable. You have skills and talents and a license that can get you employment in health care (do you have any idea what LPNs and RNs make, if you go that route? And that CNAs are in demand? you can write your own ticket!)

He is using you and he is destroying you and undermining your belief in yourself. At the very least read some books on abusive relationships. Please talk to a counselor.

[60-minutes-II]

It's like this. They are not your children and you are young. It may seem hard but the best thing is for you to leave. You don't want to deal with him and his children most of whom will be like him.

[MotleyCrew]

Run Amy run. You are comfortable because he "takes" care of you. You are so young and life spins by so fast. You will wake up in your thirties married to an even meaner older man. Go find someone that will worship you!!!!! Best of luck.

[miu]

22 is too young to be stuck in a marriage with kids, especially since they are not your kids and your husband isn't supportive of your personal growth. Go find that wonderful young woman that you were at 18. You have so much potential. Your hubbie has none. His kids are unhappy, but it's not your fault.

[JesusisTruth]

Originally Posted by Amy08

Im usually not one to complain, but I have no one to talk to about this and Im really confused.

I got married when I was 18 years old. I already had a year of college behind me for pre-med (I graduated high school early) and had moved into my own place, had my own car, my own computer, my own cell phone, camcorder, t.v., I even had my own light, water, rent, and gas bill! I was living 500 miles away from my parents and loving every minute of it. Ill have you know that all these things were not just given to me either I did have help but I worked my butt of as a CNA in a rehabilitation hospital.

I met this gorgeous man, 10+ years my senior, I dont believe in the age thing so please leave that alone, He was very romantic, ran my bath water everynight, surprised me with little things and cards non stop, left me messages on the mirror.....I could go on and on.

He also has 2 children that were staying with their mother when we met. A 2 yr old boy and 4 year old girl. The plan was never for them to be with their mother. Actually all her rights were taken away from her, but thats how things were. We spent 2 weeks together doing nothing but falling in love, before we picked up the children. Their mother actually died about 2 months later OD'ed which was just as well because she only called her children 1 time in the 2 months before her death and that was to beg their Daddy to come back to her.

Our babies know me as their mother although nothing is kept from them about their last mother, They are now 5 1/2 and 7 1/2. I Love my babies with all my heart and I dont know what life could ever be like without them, but they are also very difficult. They are constantly in trouble in school. My 5 year old has been in the office twice this year. My 7 year old comes home with anywhere from 6-10 checks (tickets) if you are a parent you probably understand what that means.

My husband and I are not getting along anymore. Im torn between wanting out and hanging on. I have no friends because "I cant be friends with trash" and according to him everyone that lives around us or that I meet are "trash" Soon after we married we had to sell his Expedition and the plan was to get a down payment for a new vehicle........yeah right. This was like 2 years ago, I wasnt working anymore so he started driving my car. I have been without a vehicle ever since. My car is now broke down in the front driveway, and we amazingly came up with the money for a down payment on a Explorer. Which he calls "mine" even though he drives it to work everyday. He leaves at 5am and gets home at 7pm. I run a home daycare and all he ever does is call home and tell me everything to do or say to the parents. If a parent is one day late on payment he bitches about it all night, telling me to tell them this and that and blah blah blah.. Then the "trash" that lives next to us that Im not allowed to talk to he holds half hour conversations with. Last night He was outside for an hour helping them get their keys out of thier truck.

He scrutinizes the phone bill, He asks me "Whos This?! " to everyones number he dont know. Half the time I dont know either. He comes home from work and hits redial on the phone. He constantly insinuates that I like the daycare children better than our own or that I treat them better etc. We've come on hard times quite a bit and had to pawn a few things a time or two, so far we have lost my camcorder and my flat screen tv. My laptop has enough viruses to kill a human being and we just dont have the money to fix it, So he says, So we are now renting one for 40 bucks a week......He has completly ruined my name with half a dozen companys for not paying bills, Dish network, Vonage, Cingular, which is why I dont have a cell phone now, Many more. He freaks at the word myspace, Im not supposed to be friends without him knowing He even got pissed off because I added my aunt and my cousin and didnt tell him.

I cant dress in hardly anything without him telling me its too low cut or too short, somethings always wrong. We have been on Two dates since we got married. We argued the whole time.

He HAS to *** every night or he is a complete A-Hole the next day and usually reminds me every chance he gets. Even as Im writing this I think the whole relationship is a complete joke. How can I be in Love with him so much?

I was supposed to go back to college the next year but we didnt have the money and he wont do his taxes so I cant get a grant.

I told him 2 nights ago that I wanted out. I told him everything and anything that I could possibly tell him and he told me how much it hurt and he never wanted to lose me and so on He held me all night while I cried myself to sleep thinking about losing my babies. We decided to work on this for a little longer and see if we can fix things, but we still argued all day yesterday and he's been at work today. I have no rights to the children and he said he would never let them see me again, and that he would'nt even let them keep in touch. That he would forget me entirely and to never worry about him again.
I know Im seeking advice from others but isn't that like pshycological abuse or something.

Conclusion: We are working it out. But I've been thinking that I should just give it up now, Will he change?? I know nobody knows that. I just need some support.

No, this is not life.

No person has a right to treat anyone with disrespect and in a demeaning way.

[The Man in SATX]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

This is the you that is confident, capable, resourceful, and successful:

I got married when I was 18 years old. I already had a year of college behind me for pre-med (I graduated high school early) and had moved into my own place, had my own car, my own computer, my own cell phone, camcorder, t.v., I even had my own light, water, rent, and gas bill! I was living 500 miles away from my parents and loving every minute of it. Ill have you know that all these things were not just given to me either I did have help but I worked my butt of as a CNA in a rehabilitation hospital.

Don't lose her. You'll end up hating yourself and resenting him and miserable. You have skills and talents and a license that can get you employment in health care (do you have any idea what LPNs and RNs make, if you go that route? And that CNAs are in demand? you can write your own ticket!)

He is using you and he is destroying you and undermining your belief in yourself. At the very least read some books on abusive relationships. Please talk to a counselor.

I gotta say.. Dim knows what she is saying here.. you have an open ticket to what you need to get accomplished here... start believing in yourself and get it done Good luck on what you need to get done!

[jraf]

Originally Posted by Amy08

Sometimes he makes me the happiest person in the world. He's the smoothest talker I or anyone around me has ever met. He's loved by EVERYONE...he knows everyone by name and they know him.......at the bakery, the bank, the gas stations, He always gets promoted wherever he works because he gets in good with the head bosses. He has the gift of gab so to speak. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. He can also use his words to be extremely cruel in a way that you cant even respond Sometimes I think the only reason I love him is because he keeps me talked in to it. That sounded really stupid but its hard to understand

No, it's not stupid, but it is a common rationalization that women in your situation use. This guy has no respect for you as a person. As has been said before, he is isolating you from friend's, family, neighbours...he is not a good life partner for anyone.

I think you know it is time to move on. You have to do it. As was also said before, the children aren't yours and you need to think of yourself right now.

Make the right decision Amy, you know what it is.