Is this Life?? (therapy, kids, friends, couple)

[amy234]

That sounds like my mom. She is a sociopath who can talk sweetly and 'victimize' people. Escape right now. You can still finish your med school, you are pretty young. Don't think anymore about those children and all that. First be independent, then you can figure out a way to take care of those kids. For now, ESCAPE. Take help from your family. I know how it feels to be treated like that. Only when you are out of there that you can understand how much you have been traumatized. RUN, DON'T LOOK BACK, JUST RUN, RUN, RUN.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by amy234

That sounds like my mom. She is a sociopath who can talk sweetly and 'victimize' people. Escape right now. You can still finish your med school, you are pretty young. Don't think anymore about those children and all that. First be independent, then you can figure out a way to take care of those kids. For now, ESCAPE. Take help from your family. I know how it feels to be treated like that. Only when you are out of there that you can understand how much you have been traumatized. RUN, DON'T LOOK BACK, JUST RUN, RUN, RUN.

Yes indeed, and I will say this, get into counseling right away....because your going to need it...

I will never forget, weeks, months (I dunno) after I left, I was sitting on the back porch, it was summer...and all of a sudden, I saw colors, the sun was bright and shinning on the aluminum roof of the barn...I looked around, and actaully saw greens, vibrant yellows, azure sky....until then, I didn't realize how bad I was, I was seeing things in shades of greys and darkness....and I swear that is true.

Get out of there....and get right into counseling....this man will destory you if you don't....and I'm not kidding.

[drjones96]

22 years old and no biological children with the guy. There's time for a whole new life and career in medicine. Go back to school. Get off your arse and git-er-dun.

I tell our 10 year old daughter every time the marraige subject comes up: In the words of Dr. Dre, "Don't depend on no man to support you." Wise words. It's not saying you shouldn't get married. It's just saying that women can write their own ticket and don't have to depend on a man to run their lives by beating their chest and claiming to be the bread winner. Women can be doctors, lawyers, bankers...whatever. Just get off your fanny and go do it.

[amy234]

He has brainwashed you into thinking that you love him. Don't go and tell him you are going to leave him. Plan without giving him a clue. Get all the help you need, tell your parents, neighbors, cops, and SCRAM RIGHT NOW. The kids will come in later, now just fleeeeeeee. Check out Oprah website regarding this matter.

[laysayfair]

Please notice that the operative words are RUN! and FLEE!

[Ladywithafan]

Originally Posted by Amy08

Sometimes he makes me the happiest person in the world. He's the smoothest talker I or anyone around me has ever met. He's loved by EVERYONE...he knows everyone by name and they know him.......at the bakery, the bank, the gas stations, He always gets promoted wherever he works because he gets in good with the head bosses. He has the gift of gab so to speak. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. He can also use his words to be extremely cruel in a way that you cant even respond Sometimes I think the only reason I love him is because he keeps me talked in to it. That sounded really stupid but its hard to understand

You need to get out now...you are just a caretaker to him from the sounds of things, the children are at an age where, it is their "job" to be difficult.....This man is using you, he has ruined your credit, no big deal, most of us have ruined credit or are about to have ruined credit, but that won't kill you...he will.

[amy234]

Are you OK? Why are you not posting? We can help you, just let us all know. We care for you. Let us know you are OK.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by amy234

He has brainwashed you into thinking that you love him. Don't go and tell him you are going to leave him. Plan without giving him a clue. Get all the help you need, tell your parents, neighbors, cops, and SCRAM RIGHT NOW. The kids will come in later, now just fleeeeeeee. Check out Oprah website regarding this matter.

yes, and when you do leave, have a solid plan...take whatever you need, and go...
He will not let you go easy, he will call you, and cry, and do anything he has to do, to make you believe this will destroy both him and you. My ex, actually sat in my living room and went nuts...or acted it out...it was only because he wanted his WAY. He threatened to kill himself, he threatened to never give me a divorce....the next night he was seen in a bar, leaving with a woman

These people need to win....at all costs...they are powerfully driven to get their way...

The reason I'm being so open about this is b/c you have to make certain, you never pick another person like him for a mate. You have to dig deep into YOUR soul and find out why you settled for so little. Then and only then will you gain answers...not by blaming him, but by recognizing your life is exactely as it is, due to your choices. Yes, he is inappropriate, selfish, cruel...buy there had to be small flags in the beginning that you refused to acknowledge...therefore, you were desperate to have someone in your life, hungry for a partner, co-dependent on someone taking care of you....

Once you admit all these things to yourself, you will be well on you way to healing and growing stronger....otherwise, you will turn about, and pick another man just like him.

Learn that society's stigma is you HAVE to be married to be successful, or your driven by your moral religious beliefs...and that's ok, but learn, to make it on your own...and there isn't anything you cannot do if you put your mind to it. You'll work two jobs if you must to survive, and in the process, you will learn to love yourself, respect yourself...but first you have to realize, from childhood on, the things which happened to you to make you gravitate towards these kind of people...USERS, PLAYERS....people who are less then honest. Remember if a person doesn't respect themselves, they will never respect you...if a person grows up in a dysfunctional family, they don't know what love it, and you can not give what you've never know.

There are Good and Great moral people out there, you must learn how to recognize them..and stop being a doormat to people who would treat you like this. It's ok to say NO! It's ok, to be happy, you don't have to look for verification from anyone to do so...as long as you never hurt anyone in the process.

Sometimes we use our past to convince ourselves that we don't deserve any better because of something that happened to us as small children, we actually brainwash ourselves.

There are women out there who would look at this guy twice upon meeting him and talking to him....why, because this type of man would sicken their stomach...yes, they are convincing...they are masterful at their act...they are extremely manipulative and will tell you what you want to hear...they know right from the start, and they feed on people like you who are hungry for companionship...

You cannot make anyone happy, until you relearn yourself, you likes, your dislikes, what your goals are, your hobbies. It's your own personal identity, and once you find it...you will never again, pick a man like this. May take a year, may take 3 years...but what you cannot do, is run right out and jump into another relationship. Embrace the lonliness, and this time to learn about you...what your wants, needs and desires are...then and only then will you chose wisely. You must be mentally compatible with someone...and you must know the other person will be gentle, kind, wise, compassionate. You must look at his family, how he was raised....what problems were there...never ever accept someone in your life you has had a bad childhood. They are people who never knew love, and to them, even negative attention is acceptable.

My best

[Amy08]

Just to let everyone know I am just fine.

I know this is not what everyone wants to hear but here it goes....

We are still trying. Early on someone stated to make a list and write it down if you have to. Well I didn't write it down but I knew what I wanted to say.

We discussed this for a long time last night. Rationally, with no name calling, or screaming, The first thing I stated that if one time during our discussion he made the statement (as he often does) "Just go to your Grandmas for a couple of days" or "Why dont you just take the truck for a week and go stay with your parents" (who live 600 miles away) And trust me the things he is saying are backwards of the meaning and if at any time I agreed he would have a complete and total fit, and it would never happen anyways.

So this was first and foremost because I told him if we were ever going to start on the road to recovery It would be by avoiding any kind of statements of seperating, divorce, or Leaving, because they seem to be so easily thrown in to the mix.

We discussed the fact of him hitting redial on the phone which he admits to doing and agreed that it was sickening and worng that he would insinuate that I was untrustworthy or unloyal to him.

Okay, I know yall are all thinking now that Im being pulled back in to his web of charm. Although Im trying to look at the big picture of things.

We discussed to demeaning part of the relationship and why he seems to insinuate that he is better than me or on a higher level.

We discussed the MySpace thing.

We talked about the way he gets mad about nonsense over things that shouldn't even matter.

We discussed why he blames everyone else for his mistakes or wrong doings.

Why I have to take a child with me every where I go. Even if its two miles down the road and Im gone for 10 minutes.

We talked about a lot more.........And I felt pretty darn good about myself.

The conclusion is this........I must not always have a child with me. He is never to hit redial on the phone or ask about stupid phone numbers that call. (although the redial thing will be hard to know) I can be on myspace all day long if I want. If his pants aren't washed for work the next day, thats HIS fault and he better get ass to doing laundry if he's so concerned. I can wear whatever I want as long as its within reason (and that would be within MY reason NOT HIS) And I can talk to whomever I want, whenever I want and He has NO say What so ever about the way I run MY Daycare.

[Amy08]

I ended kinda fast because I had to go get my son off the bus.

Anyhow, This is where we are at right now and as long as he can hold up his end I think it will work out. Although If he returns to his ways, he understands that I will not hesitate to walk out of the relationship.

He may be duping me or just buying more time, but hey, as long as he is treating me in the manner I want than we'll have a good thing for a while.

He did agree to go to counseling but We are going to wait it out a little longer, seeing as it would be hard to do right now with him working such long hours.

Here's to hoping he can change for the better, although i fully understand a lot of you when you say "He's too old and set in his ways already"

I'll keep everyone updated. If it doesn't work, At least the last of the relationship will not be a bitter shipwreak of a thing. We both know and understand if he doesn't change we are done, if thats not a good enough motivater I'll know it wasn't meant to be.