U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 11:31 AM
 
488 posts, read 310,156 times
Reputation: 350

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Not really. It was in previous threads, which had a tendency to get locked.

She was in a scary situation with a legit stalker. She filed a restraining order, we had a thread around then, and when he started to violate it. We gave her the advice of "make sure you collect information of every time he tries any kind of contact, and report him EVERY SINGLE TIME." She'd dealt with the feeling of not being necessarily believed or taken seriously at first, so she was questioning if she should do this, we all said, "do it!" and she did!

(I mean to me this is awesome, how many times do people here ask for advice and then argue back with all of us and never follow it? This poster followed the good advice and did the right things, and it led to the man who was menacing her getting taken off the streets. Cool!)

OK so with the crush on the cop... I get it, but I will chime in with the rest and say, "let it go." Not only is it arguably unethical for him to mess with you...but if you know he could get in trouble, it's unethical of YOU to pursue him. Right? Deep down I think you know this. It's not bizarre for you to have this crush, but all of us have crushes in life that we do not act on...this is one of those times.

What is useful now is to ascertain how long he is expected to be incarcerated and figure out what you're doing between now and then. You had reasons before, that you did not want to leave the area. Is it possible that this could change, that you could go somewhere that it would be hard for him to find you or something by the time he is out? That's what sucks about situations like this, you always know that they won't be held forever and it's scary to think about them getting out and coming after you at some later point.

I wish you all the best, OP. Glad you reported his violations.
Thank you so much Sonic. He hasn't been sentenced yet. Leaving the area is something I will consider.

 
Old Today, 11:31 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,986 posts, read 70,797,892 times
Reputation: 76968
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
I have heard of Stockholm Syndrome...where victims fall in love with their captor or why they don't leave over time....or in domestic abuse too. I have not heard before of ...someone who has a restraining order against a man & she fell in love or crushed on in a one sided way with the man who had him arrested from afar........
Getting a crush on someone one perceives as their rescuer probably isn't terribly uncommon.
 
Old Today, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,480 posts, read 42,009,843 times
Reputation: 83566
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Something happened I wanted to report. I was calling the office leaving messages for him. He hadnt called back after a day so I went in person and asked for him.
T he office lady called him and he came in. He said it was his day off. I am sure he got overtime pay for it.
You're bringing all that up unsolicited and unrelated to anything to do with the stalker as if you want someone here to get all giggly with you about the cop you have a very predictable crush on.

No one is going to do that, so just let it go now and stop bringing it up in order to perpetuate it.

Reminding us that you're reminding yourself that "it's forbidden" is just you trying a workaround to talk about him.

Help yourself this time and don't take these thoughts any farther.
 
Old Today, 11:37 AM
 
Location: New to Bay Area
1,047 posts, read 239,864 times
Reputation: 979
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Getting a crush on someone one perceives as their rescuer probably isn't terribly uncommon.
Police & the restraining order & laws are what keep her safe....not this man personally. There are lots of police on staff & they take reports in pairs....almost always a female is present for any complaint or stalking type of thing. When I worked with women victims of domestic abuse, rape, stalking...... it was standard procedure because the police want to protect themselves from women...or anyone...making this kinda claim in a he said she said kinda thing....
 
Old Today, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,936 posts, read 7,347,669 times
Reputation: 21442
I'm going to hazard a wild guess, because I've got the sense that our OP knows darn well that this is a crush that should go nowhere and probably has no real intentions to do anything with it...

Her threads used to get locked all the time because it didn't have anything to do with "Relationships" and it was kinda blogging or whatever probably. If I recall. So I'm wondering if she tossed it in as a throwaway justification to be able to update us about the stalker situation hopefully without getting in trouble. "Also I have a crush on the cop." OK. Is he just dreeeaammmy, OP?

Honestly though not only the rescuer thing, but in her shoes worrying about what happens if stalker guy gets out of jail and escalates his behaviors, I could see fantasizing about having a big tough cop man as one's beau in such a scenario, too. But unfortunately from my at-a-distance perspective I'd also point to the rather high stats on domestic violence in police relationships and how taxing a job it is and all of that...

Anyhow, you don't need us to tell you to not do anything with this crush, OP, you know. We know you know.

I for one am just happy to hear back that she's ok and the guy is in jail. The stuff she described was super scary. I know how it is to feel like you're in danger and just want people to talk to because you feel like there's nowhere to turn. I get it.
 
Old Today, 12:24 PM
 
6,680 posts, read 2,407,311 times
Reputation: 15353
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I think its a natural reaction? I was feeling very scared, and he helped me. He is very kind, professional, etc. Its something about victims falling in love with their rescuers? Obviously its forbidden to act on it. He is probably married anyways.

You're right, it IS a natural reaction. He was/is your "White Knight". I think you'll be fine, since you recognize the phenomena for what it is.
 
Old Today, 12:38 PM
 
6,231 posts, read 2,889,593 times
Reputation: 15815
Quote:
Originally Posted by flynavyj View Post
Woman has a "stalker"

Woman reports this stalker to the police

Police make an arrest

Woman crushes on the officer - till the officer becomes a "stalker" ... trust me, he's NOT gonna be interested in this drama.
Hmmm...I had the tale going as she becomes the stalker. Interjectiing herself into his job cases...playing the damsel.
Which seems to be how this is playing out.
 
Old Today, 12:43 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 20 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,723 posts, read 3,705,613 times
Reputation: 19855
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I have a new issue too, that is why I'm posting this in Relationships. I have a crush on the police officer who helped me on the case, the one who wrote the warrant to have the stalker arrested.

It's not helping that the officer actually pulled me over the other day while driving. Gave me a verbal warning for speeding. He is so kind and helpful to me.

Maybe I only have a crush on him because he helped me. I am sure that is a natural reaction. I know we can't act on it, that would be highly inappropriate. Especially while there is an open court case he worked on.
.
Let him initiate something if he's interested. Don't make a move on him. That's my best advice.
 
Old Today, 12:47 PM
 
2,059 posts, read 560,450 times
Reputation: 1327
Quote:
Originally Posted by flynavyj View Post
Woman has a "stalker"

Woman reports this stalker to the police

Police make an arrest

Woman crushes on the officer - till the officer becomes a "stalker" ... trust me, he's NOT gonna be interested in this drama.
It'll even be more interesting if she'll start stalking the officer. LOL.
 
Old Today, 12:49 PM
 
4,079 posts, read 2,640,935 times
Reputation: 8847
Glad your stalker got arrested. Is he still in jail or out? If he's out or will get out soon, I'd be very aware of your surroundings. I don't want to alarm you but you need to keep your guard up. An arrest, while the right thing to do, may escalate things. If he is still in jail see if there is a way to make sure you are notified if/when he's released. Also find out if there is a way you can check your self. I wouldn't rely on a notification being automatic. Even if you set something up, things slip through the cracks.

I think having a crush on the police officer is natural but as people have said, you need to shut it down for several reason but the most important is you don't want to affect the court case.

Focus on keeping yourself safe.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top