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Hope this doesn't come across as nitpicky, but just wanted to check you aren't browbeating potential dates with the issues you're passionate about e.g. on your dating profile. E.g. I briefly dated someone who was obsessed with their pet cause that I was not interested in and seemed to enjoy preaching & making others feel guilty for not being involved. That sort of energy can put people off straight away.
I agree whole heartedly. Of everything she said in her post this jumped out and if this post were a dating profile I’d likely be curious because of the other interests but hesitant to contact over this.
OP this doesn’t mean you can’t be passionate about your social-political issues. But if there isn’t a shared interest it can’t be forced. And in this arena (social political issues) it’s not like asking him to endure a ballgame or a chick flick. These issues tend to be downright vexing to people who don’t share them as interests. If you can’t find someone who shares those specific interests you may have to tone this part of your life down to focus on other areas where there are common interests.
I'm in a hiking meetup. We do lots of other outdoor activities. At Beer Night we get about 50/50 men/women. At the outdoor events, women out number men about 4 to 1. The women in our group tend to be middle aged, attractive, active, have a variety of interests and have good social skills. Actually, the men are pretty similar. I don't see anyone on their soap box about a particular passion. It's a great group of people.
So why are we all still single? I'm pretty sure it's because divorced men are reeaaallly reluctant to get into what they see as an entanglement. A relationship of any kind is a real challenge for them.
I'm easygoing, accepting, not bossy, non-demanding. I'm pretty direct, so If I go out with a guy once, and I want to go out with him again, I'll ask him. I think men are skittish...their ex-wives have trained them to expect the worst. So if I say "what are you doing on Sunday?" and they are thinking "I'm watching the game, but my ex complained about that constantly. So I can't say I'm watching the game or New Gal will harass me about it. It's easier to just say nothing. I can give her a lame excuse, or I can ghost on her. I think I'll just ghost her. that's the easiest. Because I sure don't want to get harassed about watching the game, ever again!"
I don't actually care if he would rather watch the game. That doesn't hurt my feelings. If he wants to make plans for after, or next weekend, that would suit me fine. There seems to be a lot of throwing the baby out with the bath water.
In my mind, this scenario fits 90% of the time.
On the other hand, He's Just Not That Into Me fits 100% of the time.
I think best place to meet people is in a group activity doing something you really want to do, or want to learn. Could be a study class, workshop, gym, etc. It's something you really enjoy and have real interest in. That's why you are there. You are not looking for dates. You are looking to meet people and share an activity. Looking for men to date online is time consuming and frustrating because you are not doing an activity you love. Do an activity you love (in a group), and then meet people there doing the same.
^^Exactly.
Also- one who describes themself as passionate about environmental issues, SJW, and a strong independent woman should probably try an OLD site that doesn’t have the image of an old white Christian guy at the forefront*. You really aren’t looking for a trump supporter.
2 Then hang around where single men are. Not usually the places you mentioned.
3 Be approachable. Wherever your are, don't be on your phone and looking occupied. Look around, make eye contact, smile and look away.
I think best place to meet people is in a group activity doing something you really want to do, or want to learn. Could be a study class, workshop, gym, etc. It's something you really enjoy and have real interest in. That's why you are there. You are not looking for dates. You are looking to meet people and share an activity. Looking for men to date online is time consuming and frustrating because you are not doing an activity you love. Do an activity you love (in a group), and then meet people there doing the same.
I could have written the OP's post too, but I'm a man, so I realize its a different dynamic. I literally just had this convo with a female friend of mine yesterday. Granted, she has a crush on me, but she doesn't understand why I have such a hard time either. She wholeheartedly believes its because I'm stuck in Oklahoma. I tend to agree with her. That's not to say I don't have issues approaching women, I most certainly do. That's now compounded by the me too movement and today's culture in general. Men are more afraid than ever to approach. My issue was always fear of rejection, and at this point, its not going to change. I wish I had answers for the OP, as I feel her pain, speaking as a man.
I am 40, in great shape and full of energy, but it seems that men are not attracted to me. It’s been four years of no dates and no sex. I love to the travel, go to movies, festivals, outings, concerts, museums, and lots of fun stuff. I have a successful professional career, good health and I am very passionate about many issues like the environment and social justice movements. I tried online dating at eharmony for six months but didn’t meet anyone. Actually zero conversations from it. Sometimes I think it’s gonna be like this forever. I mean not even a coffee date in 4 years is a long time. It seems like all men around have no interest in anything whatsoever. Actually it is very rare to even see single men going to the places and activities that I like, like hiking, the beach, festivals, etc..I always read that men are attracted to confident, talented, independent women with their own life and interests, but, I don’t know, I am that woman and no guy seems to ever notice me anywhere.
Actually, I am not so sure about that. Some men are attracted to girls they can lead. In essence, the most attractive girls are not only those that are thin and pretty, but also humble.
Too much confidence and independence could be a turn off. At least to me it is
[1st post alert]
- try expanding your friends. maybe they have brothers, cousins, friends, ... with similar interests.
- there are single men hiking, at the beach, festivals, ... they are just pre-occupied with family. try going to meet-markets (bars, nite clubs, lounges, ...)
- you dont mention in your o.p. but do you ask men out ?; if not, do so.
Actually, I am not so sure about that. Some men are attracted to girls they can lead. In essence, the most attractive girls are not only those that are thin and pretty, but also humble.
Too much confidence and independence could be a turn off. At least to me it is
Actually, that’s what I was thinking, believe it or not.
I’ve never read of a guy’s profile requesting: “passionate SJW interested in environmental issues.” This almost sounds like the instructions for ‘what to avoid’ found in a bro-blog out in the manosphere.
Actually, I am not so sure about that. Some men are attracted to girls they can lead. In essence, the most attractive girls are not only those that are thin and pretty, but also humble.
Too much confidence and independence could be a turn off. At least to me it is
The social justice comment is polarizing, sure, but not necessarily in a bad way. The OP seems to have disappeared, but if being politically engaged is important to her, then she doesn't want to date a man who has a problem with that.
I'm not certain about this, but maybe the best man for someone like the OP is a man who sees that in her profile and is more interested as a result.
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