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Old 07-29-2019, 01:33 AM
 
792 posts, read 203,227 times
Reputation: 1052

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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
So IOW, you know how the not-"hot" women feel? Because this is precisely how men act, too.

As a not-hot guy, sure I know how they must feel.
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Old 07-29-2019, 02:07 AM
 
792 posts, read 203,227 times
Reputation: 1052
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
...if some things that weren't fair happened at work with a vindictive attention seeking co-worker who was a female, it may make a guy pause and reflect on his actions at work to make sure nothing he was doing was out of line. He did that, wasn't proven to be at fault. After that, now is it logical to project that into the dating world and view women all the same? "I can't approach in a romantic relationship sense because...MeToo one time one lady out of alllll ladies did something to me. And she was proven wrong. At work."

What about all of the ladies you have tried to ask out who weren't at work and weren't crazy, what is your model for considering the statics there? All of them? 50%? Or just don't go there because you're afraid, know it's not justified, so....wimmenz.

I highlighted the two pertinent bits. We're not talking about the dating world, this thread is specifically about the work world. The work world is not the dating world. That's something that MeToo has really worked to define...that workplace relationships are not kosher because of the compulsory nature of employment. Whether the relationship is customer-employee, coworker-coworker, or boss-subordinate, I believe it must be kept professional, and to do otherwise is to potentially put one party into a position of feeling threatened and offended with having no recourse but to either accept the behavior or to stick their neck out and complain about it.


Outside of work, as I've said, I'm willing to take (and have taken) the risk of asking women out. I don't know what you mean by statistics. But, yes, the possibility that what I'm doing could make her feel threatened and offended is in the back of my mind, sharpened by decades of my failure in this avenue. As a result I am still very mindful of what I'm saying and doing, especially about physical contact. I have a strong desire for physical contact. I'm very self-conscious about it, and I tend to clamp down on it and err on the side of hands-off because I worry that if I indulge it I would be seen as That Creepy Touchy-Feely Guy.


Despite this, I've asked out plenty of women. I spent a year looking for opportunities to "put myself out there" like all of the advice says and take my shot. More recently I've tried to re-orient my life around different priorities, so I have not been nearly as active. I've also re-calibrated my sense of what interest from a woman might look like, specifically excising "polite and friendly" behavior (since that's the extent of how women interact with me, and my assuming that their politeness and friendliness meant they were interested got me shot down over and over). As a result, no, I'm not very active now, but it's not because of MeToo. It's because I was unhappy and felt like I was spinning my tires in chasing the dating scene. It's been over six months since I asked a woman out, but I would again if I met one that I was interested in and in whom I read genuine interest in me (as opposed to chasing the pyrite of "polite and friendly" again).


...I just would never do it in the workplace.
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Old 08-06-2019, 08:27 AM
 
49 posts, read 38,230 times
Reputation: 32
i went back to lowes, i saw a cute girl again, couldnt do it, went back to car and burst into tears, on top of that, i got home, my mom has to nerve to say you didnt talk to that girl did you? i said no and also said thanks vote of confidence, which im probably never going to have, im in a very bad place right now and im still hurting right now.
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Old 08-06-2019, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,664 posts, read 42,288,240 times
Reputation: 84160
Quote:
Originally Posted by toughfighter83 View Post
i went back to lowes, i saw a cute girl again, couldnt do it, went back to car and burst into tears, on top of that, i got home, my mom has to nerve to say you didnt talk to that girl did you? i said no and also said thanks vote of confidence, which im probably never going to have, im in a very bad place right now and im still hurting right now.
Sorry that your mom didn't have your back.

Don't let it influence your outlook overall. It's just one setback, and the good news is that the girl at Lowe's has no idea you're going through all this.

Just take baby steps. Practice chatting with cashiers, no matter their age etc, when you're buying stuff just to get better at that process. Do something today to get your mind off it.

And maybe share less with your mom since you know she's not exactly being helpful.
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Old 08-06-2019, 09:11 AM
 
49 posts, read 38,230 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Sorry that your mom didn't have your back.

Don't let it influence your outlook overall. It's just one setback, and the good news is that the girl at Lowe's has no idea you're going through all this.

Just take baby steps. Practice chatting with cashiers, no matter their age etc, when you're buying stuff just to get better at that process. Do something today to get your mind off it.

And maybe share less with your mom since you know she's not exactly being helpful.

yeah i know and thank you, it's really rough, especially when i have no help, i mean i have no friends, i did at one time and they bailed on me after one time because i couldnt get over my fears with talking with girls, it's like getting stabbed in the back.



it's really painful right now.
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Old 08-06-2019, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,699 posts, read 24,296,270 times
Reputation: 49382
Quote:
Originally Posted by toughfighter83 View Post
yeah i know and thank you, it's really rough, especially when i have no help, i mean i have no friends, i did at one time and they bailed on me after one time because i couldnt get over my fears with talking with girls, it's like getting stabbed in the back.



it's really painful right now.
Maybe you should focus on being more social in general, finding an activity to do and people to hang out with, rather than trying to jump right into asking a stranger out on a date.
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Old 08-06-2019, 09:52 AM
 
12,700 posts, read 10,025,929 times
Reputation: 16356
Quote:
Originally Posted by toughfighter83 View Post
yeah i know and thank you, it's really rough, especially when i have no help, i mean i have no friends, i did at one time and they bailed on me after one time because i couldnt get over my fears with talking with girls, it's like getting stabbed in the back.



it's really painful right now.
I am so sorry you are going through this. PLease seek counseling. Having no friends is bad. And as much as they sound like jerks, people don't stay with downer friends. Friends is where to start.
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