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Old 07-26-2019, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,699 posts, read 24,301,699 times
Reputation: 49382

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
This has nothing to do with how dear old dad and granddad dated. This had to do with a guy overestimating their conversation at a party being enough of a connection to show up unannounced at her place of work, without thinking how it might be perceived. No one is the bad guy here but the nicest guy in the world hadn't established any sort of relationship with this woman to simply show up like that.
Exactly, and I think the response by a lot of women to the idea that men now think twice before cold approaching a woman in public is: "good." People should be more thoughtful and self aware about interrupting people they don't know.
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Old 07-26-2019, 07:24 AM
 
775 posts, read 456,831 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Exactly, and I think the response by a lot of women to the idea that men now think twice before cold approaching a woman in public is: "good." People should be more thoughtful and self aware about interrupting people they don't know.
It's good and bad, like anything else. More and more decent men are refusing to cold approach women, even if she's giving him "signs". Signaling interest with no intention of approaching yourself is pretty cowardly imo, basically putting 100% of the risk on the other party, but I digress... Because more men are reluctant to approach women they don't know, which is a "good" thing, women should also not complain about the lack of approaches. But it seems like they only want men that they desire to approach, and "creepy guys" not to. It seems like many women want to have their cake and eat it too, which is hypocritical.




All that being said, approaching a woman at her place of work with the intent to ask her out (ulterior motive) is not appropriate at all. Since she's working and required to perform her duty, despite any boorish behavior from yourself, it means she's trapped and forced to be nice to you. If she's on a lunch break or finished working, then maybe it's ok, because if she doesn't like you, she can get away from you.
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Old 07-26-2019, 07:35 AM
 
12,713 posts, read 10,034,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Exactly, and I think the response by a lot of women to the idea that men now think twice before cold approaching a woman in public is: "good." People should be more thoughtful and self aware about interrupting people they don't know.
I think it feels like an obstacle to some guys. They may want a woman in their life. No blood, no foul. And Get your best life seems sideways to that goal. But it really is the best approach.
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Old 07-26-2019, 07:43 AM
 
12,713 posts, read 10,034,206 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
It's good and bad, like anything else. More and more decent men are refusing to cold approach women, even if she's giving him "signs". Signaling interest with no intention of approaching yourself is pretty cowardly imo,
I am going to tell you a little secret about those "signs". Women can't tell what a guy is going to take as a "sign". What looks like being a nice, normal human being often looks like a "sign" to guys.


Quote:
basically putting 100% of the risk on the other party, but I digress... Because more men are reluctant to approach women they don't know, which is a "good" thing, women should also not complain about the lack of approaches.
Interestingly, women are not one unified hive mind.

Quote:
But it seems like they only want men that they desire to approach, and "creepy guys" not to. It seems like many women want to have their cake and eat it too, which is hypocritical.
Mmmmm. I mean it sucks for the guys who don't get it. They holler I am not a creepy guy, really!! But don't GET that yah - it's you. You can approach the exact same way as some other dude and not "get" the girl. And That Is Ok. Because SHE gets to choose. And if and when she approaches you, so do you. And if she is a weasel and wants approaches and doesn't get them, it is a her problem. But "women" don't have to want the same thing. We can make generalizations about what a lot of women experience.
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Old 07-26-2019, 07:49 AM
 
1,190 posts, read 492,622 times
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Next time you go there, just make sure you don't sulk around the store waiting for the right moment. It won't come. You just gotta go right for it and say hi otherwise you're gonna get in your head.
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Old 07-26-2019, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,699 posts, read 24,301,699 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
Because more men are reluctant to approach women they don't know, which is a "good" thing, women should also not complain about the lack of approaches. But it seems like they only want men that they desire to approach, and "creepy guys" not to. It seems like many women want to have their cake and eat it too, which is hypocritical.
Does anyone welcome the attention of creepy or overly aggressive people? If a woman's on the market, of course she wants the attention of someone she finds attractive, and if she's not on the market, she probably wants to be left in peace. How is that hypocritical?
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Old 07-26-2019, 08:17 AM
 
775 posts, read 456,831 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I am going to tell you a little secret about those "signs". Women can't tell what a guy is going to take as a "sign". What looks like being a nice, normal human being often looks like a "sign" to guys.



Interestingly, women are not one unified hive mind.


Mmmmm. I mean it sucks for the guys who don't get it. They holler I am not a creepy guy, really!! But don't GET that yah - it's you. You can approach the exact same way as some other dude and not "get" the girl. And That Is Ok. Because SHE gets to choose. And if and when she approaches you, so do you. And if she is a weasel and wants approaches and doesn't get them, it is a her problem. But "women" don't have to want the same thing. We can make generalizations about what a lot of women experience.
Exactly, which is why people should not rely on them. if you like someone, let them know. I explained this in an earlier post. Women that work in service industry are nice to you because it's their job. guys frequently mistake it as interest.

Interestingly, it was a generality. Obviously the mold doesn't fit everyone.

your last point makes sense. there's a relative minority of guys that seem to hit on any female with a pulse aggressively, which can leave them jaded. Everyone is free to make their own decisions, but in today's day and age, if someone is interested, they should express it. if they choose not to, they shouldn't be upset if the other party doesnt act on it.

Last edited by rya96797; 07-26-2019 at 08:41 AM..
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Old 07-26-2019, 08:34 AM
 
775 posts, read 456,831 times
Reputation: 690
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Does anyone welcome the attention of creepy or overly aggressive people? If a woman's on the market, of course she wants the attention of someone she finds attractive, and if she's not on the market, she probably wants to be left in peace. How is that hypocritical?
creepiness is subjective. men are not mind readers. Women are not mind readers. Life would be much easier if people had flashing lights and signs above their heads stating their relationship status and whether or not they're interested. Instead you have a population of people sending out mixed signals, which more often than not gets misinterpreted. So yes, thinking that men or women should be mind readers and only court you if you're single and interested in them is hypocritical because no one is in a position to know that.

If I were to say that I only want women I'm interested in to show interest in me, and get upset that other women or gay guys also show interest, then that really isn't fair. Personally, I simply take these advances in stride with a firm but gentle rejection. It's only continued persistence that becomes irritating.
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Old 07-26-2019, 08:44 AM
 
12,713 posts, read 10,034,206 times
Reputation: 16359
Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
creepiness is subjective. men are not mind readers. Women are not mind readers. Life would be much easier if people had flashing lights and signs above their heads stating their relationship status and whether or not they're interested. Instead you have a population of people sending out mixed signals,
... a population of people reading supposed signals.

Fixed that for you.
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Old 07-26-2019, 08:48 AM
 
775 posts, read 456,831 times
Reputation: 690
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
... a population of people reading supposed signals.

Fixed that for you.
Thanks. How does the below sound?

population of people both sending and reading supposed signals.
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