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Old 07-31-2019, 03:30 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,320 posts, read 307,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Hey, just like there are women who like to do house chores and some men try to offer to help but their wives beat them to it or they don't let them so they go back to the couch to watch sports, right? There are many reasons why men pay all the time and maybe there may be some women out there who may pay all the time, rare but they may exist. Reasons can vary from simply being nice to not wanting to risk not seeing a 2nd date as many women feel offended, angry, disappointed, etc. if men don't take care of their expenses.


It comes from the "they don't LET me." There are women who think that just showing up to a date is enough to make their man fall in love with them I guess.
Some of us wanna be taken care of by men....some men like to & some don't. A N D...men wanna be taken care of by us too in some ways.....so we are all more alike than we are willing to admit IMO.

Chores & money can relate to all this stuff....how people feel loved or cared for..........but worse, when they *don't* feel it......& arguing over who is going to pay for something is a fast way to get there IMO.

 
Old 08-01-2019, 09:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Some of us wanna be taken care of by men....some men like to & some don't. A N D...men wanna be taken care of by us too in some ways.....so we are all more alike than we are willing to admit IMO.

I can't imagine someone who doesn't want to feel they are taken good care of by their partner. You like to be taken care of and your partner will want to be taken care of as well. Like you said, we are not that different really.


Quote:
Chores & money can relate to all this stuff....how people feel loved or cared for..........but worse, when they *don't* feel it......& arguing over who is going to pay for something is a fast way to get there IMO.
Yes. Arguing over who takes care of expenses or who goes out feeling entitled. Not good ways to start.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 09:26 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,320 posts, read 307,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
I can't imagine someone who doesn't want to feel they are taken good care of by their partner. You like to be taken care of and your partner will want to be taken care of as well. Like you said, we are not that different really.




Yes. Arguing over who takes care of expenses or who goes out feeling entitled. Not good ways to start.
Or....if you assume the female feels *entitled* because a man *offers* or wants to pay........you must not offer to pay much if you think that.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 09:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Or....if you assume the female feels *entitled* because a man *offers* or wants to pay........you must not offer to pay much if you think that.
Or if she feels the man is not serious, not a real man, not nice, etc. simply because a man didn't take care of her expenses and put on all the work. One thing is to offer here and there and another is to ALWAYS be the one putting all the work. There are women who think that just showing up to the date is all they have to do.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 10:01 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,320 posts, read 307,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Or if she feels the man is not serious, not a real man, not nice, etc. simply because a man didn't take care of her expenses and put on all the work. One thing is to offer here and there and another is to ALWAYS be the one putting all the work. There are women who think that just showing up to the date is all they have to do.
But you are now talking about "taking care of all her expenses" tho.......I thought it was about buying dinner on a date? I can't help but think this is jaded & resentful.......
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
But you are now talking about "taking care of all her expenses" tho.......I thought it was about buying dinner on a date? I can't help but think this is jaded & resentful.......
Not resentful. Simply what I saw when I was in school in the USA. Moved to Japan and what a surprise. That's why I said its cultural differences. I can't help but think you expect men to cover your expenses since the first date and put all the work while you just show up. Dating expenses: meals, drinks, entertainment (movies, museum, etc.), and so on. If that is not the case with you then I don't see why even make this an issue or debate about it.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:23 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,320 posts, read 307,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Not resentful. Simply what I saw when I was in school in the USA. Moved to Japan and what a surprise. That's why I said its cultural differences. I can't help but think you expect men to cover your expenses since the first date and put all the work while you just show up. Dating expenses: meals, drinks, entertainment (movies, museum, etc.), and so on. If that is not the case with you then I don't see why even make this an issue or debate about it.
Shrugs...I am in a happy relationship.......but when I was dating, I never expected for the man to do everything & I just show up.......you don't even know me.

I will tell you what I do expect tho.....when I'm pursued or chased....is honesty.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 08:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Shrugs...I am in a happy relationship.......but when I was dating, I never expected for the man to do everything & I just show up.......you don't even know me.

So if you didn't just show up to a date I suppose that since the very first date you also romanced and courted your guy, paid for drinks meals or any other dating expense, and so on, right? If that is so then I am not sure why this is even a debate.

Quote:
I will tell you what I do expect tho.....when I'm pursued or chased....is honesty.

Same.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 11:54 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,320 posts, read 307,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
So if you didn't just show up to a date I suppose that since the very first date you also romanced and courted your guy, paid for drinks meals or any other dating expense, and so on, right? If that is so then I am not sure why this is even a debate.




Same.
I have treated my current Bf to dinner or other dates......but there is a difference in our financial situations & I can't afford the same things he can tho sharing dating expenses is kinda normal for lots of couples...

BUT the bigger storm made over who is going to pay....or who is gaining something for free....or who has to pay....or who is *just showing up*.....are all signs the 2 can probably skip the date IMO....because it won't be fun.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,632 posts, read 5,173,723 times
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I'm like you, pretty straightforward. I'd rather just put it out there somehow than stay home and wonder.

There have been a few times when guys have interpreted this as a sign they need to step up their game so they take action to pursue. I suppose they could have had experiences in the past where this worked. But in my case if I tell a guy I'm not interested, I'm not interested. (I surely won't have told him all the reasons why I'm not interested. Just the PC ones)

OP, I don't think your approach is right or wrong. It suits you. Some day your lack of interest in playing games will work out just right for you with the right guy.
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