U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 08-05-2019, 10:49 AM
 
6,380 posts, read 6,142,335 times
Reputation: 3644

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
I have treated my current Bf to dinner or other dates......but there is a difference in our financial situations & I can't afford the same things he can tho sharing dating expenses is kinda normal for lots of couples...

You don't have to go to a 5 star fancy elegant restaurant. You can still take him to places you can afford just like I did with the girl I shared my experience about. We were both on different financial situations and still we found ways to have the relationship revolve around BOTH of us not just her.


Quote:
BUT the bigger storm made over who is going to pay....or who is gaining something for free....or who has to pay....or who is *just showing up*.....are all signs the 2 can probably skip the date IMO....because it won't be fun.

Yes, when one is just leeching off the other and just showing up to the date, it doesn't sound nice. Interesting thing is that while I was in the USA I thought that was just the way things went. When I moved to Japan I was quite surprised to see that the girls I went out with didn't just showed up to the date and that was it. It was nice to see how I was worth a girl's effort to take initiative, court and romance me, surprise me, contribute to dating expenses, etc. just like I did for them. This wasn't something I saw until months or years passed by until we became boyfriend/girlfriend. Saw this since the very first date. While in the USA it was only me doing those things. I still had a good time in the USA though but later had my preferences changed.

 
Old 08-05-2019, 10:56 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,316 posts, read 307,440 times
Reputation: 1159
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
You don't have to go to a 5 star fancy elegant restaurant. You can still take him to places you can afford just like I did with the girl I shared my experience about. We were both on different financial situations and still we found ways to have the relationship revolve around BOTH of us not just her.





Oh...ofc! I do that....the relationship doesn't involve around me just because he has more money. I can give to him in different ways......the emotional give & take of a relationship is not money anyways.......
 
Old 08-06-2019, 08:58 AM
 
6,380 posts, read 6,142,335 times
Reputation: 3644
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Oh...ofc! I do that....the relationship doesn't involve around me just because he has more money. I can give to him in different ways......the emotional give & take of a relationship is not money anyways.......
That's what I also thought when I met that girl. Both of us offered the emotional part. If I was able to afford paying rent and other bills then of course I could offer contributing to dating expenses instead of leaving them to her simply because she has a bigger bank account. We both took care of every area of the relationship and enjoyed that mutually.
 
Old 08-06-2019, 09:50 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,316 posts, read 307,440 times
Reputation: 1159
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
That's what I also thought when I met that girl. Both of us offered the emotional part. If I was able to afford paying rent and other bills then of course I could offer contributing to dating expenses instead of leaving them to her simply because she has a bigger bank account. We both took care of every area of the relationship and enjoyed that mutually.
Ita...it should not be all one sided.....but it's only natural that the person with the much bigger bank account is going to have....& give.....more........if they are a serious couple. He ...or she... is not going to adapt their more extravagant lifestyle to the cheaper one that the other person can afford...........
 
Old 08-06-2019, 12:21 PM
 
6,380 posts, read 6,142,335 times
Reputation: 3644
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Ita...it should not be all one sided.....but it's only natural that the person with the much bigger bank account is going to have....& give.....more........if they are a serious couple. He ...or she... is not going to adapt their more extravagant lifestyle to the cheaper one that the other person can afford...........
Nope. I don't think I gave less in all areas simply because she had a bigger bank account. We both adapted to each other just fine and I didnít feel entitled to get more or felt she had to give more either.
 
Old 08-06-2019, 12:23 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,316 posts, read 307,440 times
Reputation: 1159
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Nope. I don't think I gave less in all areas simply because she had a bigger bank account. We both adapted to each other just fine and I didnít feel entitled to get more or felt she had to give more either.
Are you with her....in marriage or living together? Cause that's the difference compared to just dating.........the one with the bigger account ends up contributing more to their lifestyle....cause he or she had that lifestyle before & isn't going to adapt to the more middle class lifestyle for the other person...........
 
Old 08-06-2019, 02:43 PM
 
21,034 posts, read 16,851,089 times
Reputation: 39374
Quote:
Originally Posted by frimpter928 View Post
Gay guy here. When it comes to someone I am interested in, my thing is I always tell them when I feel the time is right. I tell them I like them and that I would like to date them, see them, more etc. If their reaction is positive then I carry on and move forward with them. If they don't want to, it's totally fine and I move on.

I do that because I don't want to waste my time, but at the same time I don't want to play games. I have noticed a lot of guys, me opening up first gives them the power boost and validation that they enjoy, when they say "let's just be friends". I have noticed that those guys then expect me to chase them since I am the one that likes them. But the thing is I don't chase. I never chase. When I get rejected I carry on and continue with my life and depriortize them. I have noticed this has an effect in the sense that since I am not chasing they are then wondering what's going on? Ironically, then they start chasing me, not so much to date me but I am pretty sure it's an ego thing, where I think they get perplexed that I said I like them, I get rejected and I am totally unphased by it, happy, and continue with my life. Problem is by that point they start chasing me I have moved on.

I bring this up because my friend told me my issue is I don't chase. He told me people like to be chased. I was like nope, not for me. I said I will pursue someone, an in my pursuit if it's discovered they are not interested, then I carry on.

Do you find it true? Do you find most people want to be pursued or want to be chased?

I think it's too much too say all that, it's not necessary. Just say "I'd like to take you to dinner if you're free next Friday". The way you're saying it, it's like you're asking for some type of investment (sounds like Do you want to see me more?" "do you like me?") when they haven't even spent time with you socially yet. Just ask them out, and skip the "I like you" and all that. Saying it as I stated it above shows confidence. That is pursuit. "I want that and I shall go after it".
 
Old 08-08-2019, 09:39 AM
 
6,380 posts, read 6,142,335 times
Reputation: 3644
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Are you with her....in marriage or living together? Cause that's the difference compared to just dating.........the one with the bigger account ends up contributing more to their lifestyle....cause he or she had that lifestyle before & isn't going to adapt to the more middle class lifestyle for the other person...........
If you were MARRIED to a guy that made more than you then it makes sense. Whatís his is yours, whatís yours is his even if its not a lot. So the person with the bigger bank account shouldnít downscale a little but you should upscale? In my case we adapted to each other. Like I said, if you can pay rent, brand bags and shoes, etc. you can pay for a dinner. Itís not like you are going to go broke for paying for what you ordered. You would have done it if a man was not sitting on the same table anyways. You have mentioned in different occasions that if he has a bigger bank account then he should pay. How can you determine how much he has in the bank if you are just going out? Keep it simple. Contribute to dating expenses like he does. Itís a nice gesture from both parties and if things didnít work out nobody feels used. Same thing when it comes to sex which can wait.
 
Old 08-08-2019, 10:37 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,316 posts, read 307,440 times
Reputation: 1159
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
If you were MARRIED to a guy that made more than you then it makes sense. Whatís his is yours, whatís yours is his even if its not a lot. So the person with the bigger bank account shouldnít downscale a little but you should upscale? In my case we adapted to each other. Like I said, if you can pay rent, brand bags and shoes, etc. you can pay for a dinner. Itís not like you are going to go broke for paying for what you ordered. You would have done it if a man was not sitting on the same table anyways. You have mentioned in different occasions that if he has a bigger bank account then he should pay. How can you determine how much he has in the bank if you are just going out? Keep it simple. Contribute to dating expenses like he does. Itís a nice gesture from both parties and if things didnít work out nobody feels used. Same thing when it comes to sex which can wait.
If the man offers to take me on a date that is far above what I could afford....I'm not going to say....no you can't....let's just have an experience that *I* can afford too so we can split everything down the middle.....while you pursue me or I pursue you.......

Ofc the person making the most money is going to end up paying more........but if every dollar has to be accounted for on both sides to make it *even*.......then I really don't get why the two people are pursuing .....at all. It's not a contract.......or *have to*.......it's that someone *wants* to..........& my example about adapting to lifestyle was about living together or marriage. A wealthy guy is not going to sell off everything he has or quit his high paying job.......so that he can adapt to the lifestyle of someone with less money or has a much lower income than he does.........no one would do that.
 
Old 08-08-2019, 11:36 AM
 
6,380 posts, read 6,142,335 times
Reputation: 3644
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Ofc the person making the most money is going to end up paying more
I donít see how my girl would pay more if we are both contributing to expenses. She would pay more if I was just leeching off her feeling entitled because somehow I investigated and found out she has a bigger bank account. No need for calculators or spreadsheets. We both contribute but none of us leech off each other or feel entitled regardless of bank account size.

Quote:
but if every dollar has to be accounted for on both sides to make it *even*.......then I really don't get why the two people are pursuing .....at all.
Exactly. Thatís why I donít get the whole ďhe has a bigger bank account so he should payĒ ideology. How do you find out this stuff specially when you start dating someone?

Like I have said. Keep it simple. Pay for what you order as any grown up independent adult would. Itís more than likely that a man wonít take you to a restaurant where your meal costs more than $50. Come on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top