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Old 07-23-2019, 10:20 AM
 
1,468 posts, read 610,878 times
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Gay guy here. When it comes to someone I am interested in, my thing is I always tell them when I feel the time is right. I tell them I like them and that I would like to date them, see them, more etc. If their reaction is positive then I carry on and move forward with them. If they don't want to, it's totally fine and I move on.

I do that because I don't want to waste my time, but at the same time I don't want to play games. I have noticed a lot of guys, me opening up first gives them the power boost and validation that they enjoy, when they say "let's just be friends". I have noticed that those guys then expect me to chase them since I am the one that likes them. But the thing is I don't chase. I never chase. When I get rejected I carry on and continue with my life and depriortize them. I have noticed this has an effect in the sense that since I am not chasing they are then wondering what's going on? Ironically, then they start chasing me, not so much to date me but I am pretty sure it's an ego thing, where I think they get perplexed that I said I like them, I get rejected and I am totally unphased by it, happy, and continue with my life. Problem is by that point they start chasing me I have moved on.

I bring this up because my friend told me my issue is I don't chase. He told me people like to be chased. I was like nope, not for me. I said I will pursue someone, an in my pursuit if it's discovered they are not interested, then I carry on.

Do you find it true? Do you find most people want to be pursued or want to be chased?

 
Old 07-23-2019, 10:30 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,737 posts, read 4,955,755 times
Reputation: 12738
See, once I find out that someone just expects me to be hung up on them, I'm gone. Don't have time for the head games and the idiotic back and forth.

Someone likes to be chased? I'd tell them to go tick off the neighbor's dog, problem solved.

 
Old 07-23-2019, 10:32 AM
 
1,468 posts, read 610,878 times
Reputation: 1760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
See, once I find out that someone just expects me to be hung up on them, I'm gone. Don't have time for the head games and the idiotic back and forth.

Someone likes to be chased? I'd tell them to go stand out in the middle of the wild, I'm sure something will come along.

Yup. But the funny thing is then they get so perplexed as to why you aren't chasing them, talk about ego.

I have found making yourself vulernable and telling someone your feelings but also not playing their games is so empowering, not to have power over them, but because you free those feelings for them, regardless if they reject you or accept it.
 
Old 07-23-2019, 03:36 PM
 
1,689 posts, read 3,625,971 times
Reputation: 1315
Quote:
Originally Posted by frimpter928 View Post
When it comes to someone I am interested in, my thing is I always tell them when I feel the time is right.
^Here's the hiccup.

Are you sure being chased after your advances are rebuffed and you've "de-prioritized" them, isn't just a friend trying to keep in touch?
 
Old 07-23-2019, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
9,968 posts, read 3,824,412 times
Reputation: 20326
If a man does it, it's called pursuing. If a woman does it, it's called chasing.

There is a double standard. Women are shamed for going after men.

Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 07-23-2019 at 04:19 PM..
 
Old 07-24-2019, 08:46 AM
 
7,719 posts, read 3,032,095 times
Reputation: 12703
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
If a man does it, it's called pursuing. If a woman does it, it's called chasing.

There is a double standard. Women are shamed for going after men.
It also kind of feels like when a woman does it, “oh, we’re definitely going to have sex”. Well, yeah...maybe after I get to know you and still like you, but not in 2 hours. There’s more of an inclination to think just because she doesn’t want to pen pal for weeks she’s dtf- when no she’s just cutting to the chase: “I like you, you’re acting like you like me, let’s just go out Friday after work.”

Maybe some guys don’t like having the pursuit taken away from them, while others would welcome it. Women get rejected in other ways, like asking a guy out for drinks, and he may reply: “your place or mine? ” ... well neither, so “no” then? You’re answer is no?
 
Old 07-24-2019, 09:45 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,181 posts, read 71,306,112 times
Reputation: 77379
Quote:
Originally Posted by frimpter928 View Post
Gay guy here. When it comes to someone I am interested in, my thing is I always tell them when I feel the time is right. I tell them I like them and that I would like to date them, see them, more etc. If their reaction is positive then I carry on and move forward with them. If they don't want to, it's totally fine and I move on.

I do that because I don't want to waste my time, but at the same time I don't want to play games. I have noticed a lot of guys, me opening up first gives them the power boost and validation that they enjoy, when they say "let's just be friends". I have noticed that those guys then expect me to chase them since I am the one that likes them. But the thing is I don't chase. I never chase. When I get rejected I carry on and continue with my life and depriortize them. I have noticed this has an effect in the sense that since I am not chasing they are then wondering what's going on? Ironically, then they start chasing me, not so much to date me but I am pretty sure it's an ego thing, where I think they get perplexed that I said I like them, I get rejected and I am totally unphased by it, happy, and continue with my life. Problem is by that point they start chasing me I have moved on.

I bring this up because my friend told me my issue is I don't chase. He told me people like to be chased. I was like nope, not for me. I said I will pursue someone, an in my pursuit if it's discovered they are not interested, then I carry on.

Do you find it true? Do you find most people want to be pursued or want to be chased?
lol. If someone tells you "let's just be friends", how would you know they want to be chased? Your friend's explanation doesn't make sense. Maybe you're too sensible, mature and up front for the guys who are more into game-playing or ego-based validation neediness? Maybe those people wouldn't be compatible with you, anyway. If that's true, then you're going about it the right way; you're weeding out the people who wouldn't be a good fit. That means you'll have to be patient and wait awhile, to find a good match.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 10:10 AM
 
Location: In the outlet by the lightswitch
1,811 posts, read 1,058,794 times
Reputation: 3329
Not a gay guy here, but from a human perspective, you are doing the right thing. People (in your case men) who want to be chased are playing games and life is too short for that nonsense. By pursuing someone who flat out told you they weren't interested, you risk either annoying someone you really wasn't interested in the first place OR you end up with a game player (and you find yourself always guessing about that person and if you are doing the right thing). I think your moving forward with the positive reactions is the smart choice.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 10:14 AM
 
170 posts, read 33,554 times
Reputation: 339
Guys like to chase/pursue, it's just what we do. Many (not *all*, but many) are a little thrown off when the dynamic is reversed. I'm guessing in the LGBTQ community there is a heteronormative culture which is similar in many regards.
 
Old 07-24-2019, 10:55 AM
 
12,757 posts, read 10,050,793 times
Reputation: 16392
Quote:
Originally Posted by frimpter928 View Post
Gay guy here. When it comes to someone I am interested in, my thing is I always tell them when I feel the time is right. I tell them I like them and that I would like to date them, see them, more etc. If their reaction is positive then I carry on and move forward with them. If they don't want to, it's totally fine and I move on.

I do that because I don't want to waste my time, but at the same time I don't want to play games. I have noticed a lot of guys, me opening up first gives them the power boost and validation that they enjoy, when they say "let's just be friends". I have noticed that those guys then expect me to chase them since I am the one that likes them. But the thing is I don't chase. I never chase. When I get rejected I carry on and continue with my life and depriortize them. I have noticed this has an effect in the sense that since I am not chasing they are then wondering what's going on? Ironically, then they start chasing me, not so much to date me but I am pretty sure it's an ego thing, where I think they get perplexed that I said I like them, I get rejected and I am totally unphased by it, happy, and continue with my life. Problem is by that point they start chasing me I have moved on.

I bring this up because my friend told me my issue is I don't chase. He told me people like to be chased. I was like nope, not for me. I said I will pursue someone, an in my pursuit if it's discovered they are not interested, then I carry on.

Do you find it true? Do you find most people want to be pursued or want to be chased?
I am with you. THEY may like to be chased. But they can look elsewhere for that vibe.
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