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Old 07-26-2019, 01:23 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,605 posts, read 72,125,585 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
And/or they want a relationship, not the person.
A gf of mine had a friend who was very into marriage. She just wanted to be married, fill in the blank with whomever. She'd marry whoever showed interest, ride that out for however long it lasted, until they realized they were incompatible or whatever, then start over. She went through 3 marriages this way, and that's the last I heard. That seems like a lot of unnecessary wear-and-tear emotionally, on everyone involved, and a waste of time. It certainly isn't fair to the poor guys who ended up with her.
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Old 07-26-2019, 01:33 PM
 
21,553 posts, read 17,119,959 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx View Post
How do you ever know, if you're just fitting the suit/dress? Much later? (serious question)
It depends, but I think until you know the person better you canít know if they are right for you. I think it works the other way too. You can reject someone because at first they donít seem to ďfit the suitĒ but if you get to know them they might be perfect for you. I think if you get swept up too fast, you stop evaluating whether theyíre actually a good fit. My fiancť now would not have ďfit the suitĒ I fantasized about but really heís a much better match for me then the guys I thought did.

Regardless I think itís important for both people to progress at relatively the same time frame. If one is still in getting to know you and the other is in letís get married, itís not going to work. Itís fine to feel infatuated with someone, but a little self-control until you know they feel the same is wise.
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Old 07-26-2019, 01:36 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,640 posts, read 379,289 times
Reputation: 1397
Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx View Post
How do you ever know, if you're just fitting the suit/dress? Much later? (serious question)
Take things slow! It's only so long anyone could keep faking love or how they feel. Get to know their friends & family....& if they try to isolate you like an abuser would do & never bring you around their friends, or always have an excuse not to spend time with you...bad signs ofc! Or they are not willing to be an open book........you don't spend a lot of time talking or being intimate either. You can tell easily if someone is not so sincere...trust your gut. If someone says they love you after 2 weeks....that's a red flag too. The signs will be there...time is on your side...........
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Old 07-26-2019, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Kentucky
206 posts, read 177,338 times
Reputation: 314
Clingy people whether they are women or men tend to do well with other clingy/codependent people. People who have to be in the relationship should strive to find others who have that same mindset.
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Old 07-26-2019, 02:08 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,640 posts, read 379,289 times
Reputation: 1397
Quote:
Originally Posted by fivenine View Post
Clingy people whether they are women or men tend to do well with other clingy/codependent people. People who have to be in the relationship should strive to find others who have that same mindset.
Clingy people should work on making themselves emotionally secure & have a *mature* & full life without a relationship...so they don't *need* anyone IMO. That would do more to help........if a guy is bipolar he doesn't go find a woman that is bipolar to make it better.
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Old 07-26-2019, 02:22 PM
 
917 posts, read 384,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray Nathan View Post
Iím very curious, but do women ever have a desire to strictly date or sleep with a guy, but avoid doing it because something about him makes it seem as though he would get too attached, be too clingy or want it to be more than what it is (such as wanting a relationship)?

I have a suspicion this may be the case, but I do not know if women ever see guys as attractive in just a casual sense but actually avoid them because they think those guys would want more than a casual relationship

I think it happens. I knew a man (over the Internet) who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He showed interest in me, even told me he loved me which was bizarre but I thought he meant maybe as a friends way (as we had never met). I normally might have been interested in him because he had a lot of good qualities about him but I already knew from his history he gets overattached and he also can be controlling, for fear of being cheated on or left (abandoned). I felt very hesitant about meeting him at all or taking our relationship anywhere because I could already see how it was probably going to end if I encouraged things at all.
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Old 07-26-2019, 02:28 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,640 posts, read 379,289 times
Reputation: 1397
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I think it happens. I knew a man (over the Internet) who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He showed interest in me, even told me he loved me which was bizarre but I thought he meant maybe as a friends way (as we had never met). I normally might have been interested in him because he had a lot of good qualities about him but I already knew from his history he gets overattached and he also can be controlling, for fear of being cheated on or left (abandoned). I felt very hesitant about meeting him at all or taking our relationship anywhere because I could already see how it was probably going to end if I encouraged things at all.
Run from any man who would tell you he loved you on the internet......without knowing you.....as fast as you can.
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Old 07-26-2019, 02:40 PM
 
917 posts, read 384,099 times
Reputation: 622
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Run from any man who would tell you he loved you on the internet......without knowing you.....as fast as you can.

Yes, its not a good sign.
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Old Today, 06:57 PM
 
5 posts, read 115 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Clingy people should work on making themselves emotionally secure & have a *mature* & full life without a relationship...so they don't *need* anyone IMO. That would do more to help........if a guy is bipolar he doesn't go find a woman that is bipolar to make it better.

Great in theory but not too practical in some cases.
Sometimes you need some dating/relationship experience before you can start working towards that point.



Had my first girlfriend at a much later age than most (and hadn't dated much before that).
Definitely thought she was out of my league in the looks department and knew it wasn't going to last too long since she was heading back to her home city after finishing university that year.
But I still managed to screw that up by being too clingy (coming around to her place too often, being too 'touchy/feely', etc.) Knew I was screwing things up as I was doing it but couldn't help myself and she broke up with before heading back home. Was devastated at the time but looking back it was probably a very worthwhile experience.
Did much better with the next girlfriend a while later.
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