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Old Today, 12:23 PM
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,492 posts, read 4,318,558 times
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I went through severe depression during the Great recession and lost all interest in sex with my then wife. She then left me. Don't do that to your wife. I know its hard because the depressed person can unintentionally bring you down with them. My wife left before I could do that to her and never looked back.
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Old Today, 01:12 PM
Location: State of Transition
79,049 posts, read 70,909,315 times
Reputation: 77091
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
Au contraire mon cheri.

Now is EXACTLY the time to focus on you.
It doesn't mean that you can't be supportive and understanding, but caring for a partner who has "issues" can be very draining, and in itself can cause depression.

It's very difficult for the healthy partner because their wants and needs are exactly he same as they were before, and you have to be careful not to fall into the codependency trap.

It's a very individual thing, but the best advice I can give to the OP is to try not to take things personally, to ride the waves and troughs with her and take the good times when they come, develop a coping mechanism for when they aren't.

I'm going through similar at the moment and it's tough, if anything she is getting worse rather than better, and it's just breaking my spirit to the point where, much as I love her dearly, I don't know if we will make it through this unless she can get some sort of control of her issues.
Similarly to you, although I have my own cross to bear and am not perfect, the therapist is of the opinion it is her issues causing the problems and she needs to fix them before couples therapy would be of benefit.

Good luck.
Were you addressing me? It's "ma cherie". I'm female.

Good point. It raises the question: how long do you stick out the "in sickness" part of the "in sickness and in health" vow? It would help, I imagine, if after awhile, some form of light appeared at the end of the tunnel. If something drags on for years with no noticeable improvement, I would think that would indicate that it's time for a new therapist, or in your case, an individual therapist rather than couples therapy. This is fixable; I've seen people transition from being on anti-depressants to health and enjoying life, by committing to a couple of years of therapy around childhood trauma. I hope your wife gets the effective help she needs.
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Old Today, 08:14 PM
5,257 posts, read 2,801,696 times
Reputation: 9663
Lose the 15 lbs and be the healthier for it. Worry less about your wife immediate attraction and more of her mental state. If she carves you up in the night with a steak knife you wonít be concerned if she thinks youíre still hot.
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