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Old 08-04-2019, 09:41 AM
 
793 posts, read 204,597 times
Reputation: 1052

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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
About golddigging I have dated quite a bit and the guys have paid. We would go out to bars or restaurants and without questioning anything they picked up the tab which could easily be into the hundreds. One guy confided he was a regular at the bar though so many of his drinks were comped. I didnt have sex with these guys yet they continued to invite me out and pick up the tab time and again. I was not broke at the time so I could have paid for myself but they didnt seem to mind. I had the impression they had more than enough money because thats the impression they gave off.

Was I golddigging or taking advantage? I figured there was something they were getting out of it. I wasnt twisting their arm to ask me out or pay. They knew I wasnt putting out. Also I was putting effort into being good company and looking good. Its almost like I was a sort of geisha. I think I helped increase their confidence. I made it about them and in return they were willing to pay for my company. That said, it was not so pleasurable for me but I got free nights out.

Perhaps our society needs more geisha type girls. To assist lonely or insecure men until they pull themselves together enough to attract that online dating girl.
My sister is a very attractive person. Even though we’re full-blood related we don’t look a lot alike, dissimilar enough that if I showed you a picture of us I doubt you’d see resemblance. When we’ve been out together, just the two of us...eating, shopping, going to a movie...I seem to notice people looking at me and treating me differently, including women. Maybe it was all in my head, but I seemed to notice things like women looking at me from a distance, glancing at me out of the corner of their eyes, guys holding the doors open for the both of us or looking at me in the eye and nodding as we passed, things like that.

I don’t notice those types of things usually. I for sure have felt a boost of confidence about myself from hanging out with a beautiful woman, even if it’s my sister (which is a little disturbing given the psychological implications), but I’ve noticed on other occasions when a woman and I hang out in a platonic setting. One girl in college would always be mistaken for my girlfriend, which she would quickly correct...I was “like a brother” to her and caught firmly in the friendzone with her, but I would still get the same sorts of reactions and confidence boost. It’s almost like...when other people, especially women, see a guy with a pretty girl in what they assume is a relational context, their estimation of him (and maybe even romantic interest in him) goes up. “She’s with him...hm, I wonder what it would be like if I were with him?”

So, I see what you’re saying here.
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Old 08-04-2019, 09:54 AM
 
793 posts, read 204,597 times
Reputation: 1052
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
She’s with him...hm, I wonder what it would be like if I were with him?”
Eh, that’s presumptuous. More like...”She sees something in him, I wonder what it is?” Makes me feel more romantically and sexually valuable, but that could be in my head...which is actually probably the place it needs to be the most.
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Old 08-04-2019, 10:09 AM
 
7,669 posts, read 3,019,569 times
Reputation: 12658
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Eh, that’s presumptuous. More like...”She sees something in him, I wonder what it is?” Makes me feel more romantically and sexually valuable, but that could be in my head...which is actually probably the place it needs to be the most.
That gives the “women are dumb animals” vibe that PUA promotes as Social Proofing.
I was liking the concept more when it was given as an example of how a guy can practice socializing with a woman, until it’s more comfortable for him, not to use as a trick for the surrounding women to accept a guy who still won’t be able to converse appropriately.
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Old 08-04-2019, 11:27 AM
 
598 posts, read 332,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
My sister is a very attractive person. Even though we’re full-blood related we don’t look a lot alike, dissimilar enough that if I showed you a picture of us I doubt you’d see resemblance. When we’ve been out together, just the two of us...eating, shopping, going to a movie...I seem to notice people looking at me and treating me differently, including women. Maybe it was all in my head, but I seemed to notice things like women looking at me from a distance, glancing at me out of the corner of their eyes, guys holding the doors open for the both of us or looking at me in the eye and nodding as we passed, things like that.

I don’t notice those types of things usually. I for sure have felt a boost of confidence about myself from hanging out with a beautiful woman, even if it’s my sister (which is a little disturbing given the psychological implications), but I’ve noticed on other occasions when a woman and I hang out in a platonic setting. One girl in college would always be mistaken for my girlfriend, which she would quickly correct...I was “like a brother” to her and caught firmly in the friendzone with her, but I would still get the same sorts of reactions and confidence boost. It’s almost like...when other people, especially women, see a guy with a pretty girl in what they assume is a relational context, their estimation of him (and maybe even romantic interest in him) goes up. “She’s with him...hm, I wonder what it would be like if I were with him?”

So, I see what you’re saying here.
I wouldnt consider myself a beautiful woman, but I can see how that could work as well.

In my situation I think it was more that I was easy company, I made it all about the guy. And that may have given him confidence, made him less nervous around women.

Ive heard horror stories from guys how they approach women at clubs or places like that and get turned down very rudely. If that happens a lot I can see that destroying a guys confidence. A girl who lets him be the center of the conversation and never nags or complains or tears him down could help get some confidence back.
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Old 08-04-2019, 05:43 PM
 
793 posts, read 204,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
That gives the “women are dumb animals” vibe that PUA promotes as Social Proofing.
I was liking the concept more when it was given as an example of how a guy can practice socializing with a woman, until it’s more comfortable for him, not to use as a trick for the surrounding women to accept a guy who still won’t be able to converse appropriately.
You’re right, I can see how the thought would be off-putting. If it makes any difference, to me it’s more about how it made me feel...more confident, more valued...than the effect it may or may not have had on other people. I certainly wouldn’t use it as a strategy to hit on someone. I just...liked feeling visible for a change.
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Old 08-04-2019, 05:44 PM
 
5,342 posts, read 2,846,563 times
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I think people in general are very insecure about many things both male and female. Even “good looking” people can be even more insecure that the average joe/Jane.
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Old 08-04-2019, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Between West Chester and Chester, PA
2,643 posts, read 2,331,839 times
Reputation: 4509
I think OLD sites serve as a mean to boost a person's ego and nothing else. I'll gladly stay away from OLD and stick to the old fashion method.
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Old 08-05-2019, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,081 posts, read 7,423,892 times
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@At Arm's Length & RbccL regarding the "social proofing?" concept...

I'm the gregarious extrovert and my fiance is the older, socially awkward introvert. He was in our community of friends for 3+ years before we met, and he had very few friends and some women perceived him as "hmm...creepy maybe?" (they did not QUITE slam that label on him but they were unsure of him.) After we got together and I have talked him up to people in terms of how happy we are and what a great partner he is, many more people, men and women both, are socially warm to him.

But.

Where the PUA "social proofing" notion falls flat on its face is this: The women are still not interested, necessarily, in dating him. The ones who wouldn't have have done so before, still would not. It's just that since he has a partner and we're clearly very happy together, they no longer feel threatened by his singleness. They don't wonder if he's trying to talk to them because he's got motives to "chat them up." They can relax and just interact with him and be friends. I imagine that among people who are strictly monogamous and expect everyone else to be the same way, this effect is even more pronounced. The company of a woman, especially a pretty one (because presumably you're happy to be with her) takes away the single guy threat factor or any "what does he want from me?" anxiety.

That doesn't mean it makes you more attractive to any given woman, though. Just because a woman is willing to talk to you doesn't mean she's willing to do anything else with you.
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Old 08-05-2019, 11:26 AM
 
2,127 posts, read 584,158 times
Reputation: 1392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
@At Arm's Length & RbccL regarding the "social proofing?" concept...

I'm the gregarious extrovert and my fiance is the older, socially awkward introvert. He was in our community of friends for 3+ years before we met, and he had very few friends and some women perceived him as "hmm...creepy maybe?" (they did not QUITE slam that label on him but they were unsure of him.) After we got together and I have talked him up to people in terms of how happy we are and what a great partner he is, many more people, men and women both, are socially warm to him.

But.

Where the PUA "social proofing" notion falls flat on its face is this: The women are still not interested, necessarily, in dating him. The ones who wouldn't have have done so before, still would not. It's just that since he has a partner and we're clearly very happy together, they no longer feel threatened by his singleness. They don't wonder if he's trying to talk to them because he's got motives to "chat them up." They can relax and just interact with him and be friends. I imagine that among people who are strictly monogamous and expect everyone else to be the same way, this effect is even more pronounced. The company of a woman, especially a pretty one (because presumably you're happy to be with her) takes away the single guy threat factor or any "what does he want from me?" anxiety.

That doesn't mean it makes you more attractive to any given woman, though. Just because a woman is willing to talk to you doesn't mean she's willing to do anything else with you.
That explains why very attractive, married women always pro-actively hug me when they see me lol
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Old 08-05-2019, 12:49 PM
 
12,718 posts, read 10,034,206 times
Reputation: 16367
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiruko View Post
See, if you've said goodbye or offered an explanation and they keep going, it's no longer ghosting. That's ridiculous. I've never blown up on anyone, but I'm still ghosted after dishing out $160. That's not fair. Receiving annoying messages is not the same as being assaulted.
And for me, I am going to continue to ghost when *I* see fit. When *I* don't want to deal with the "annoying messages". That it fails to meet your requirements is just fine with me. If that is "unfair", then that is just too bad. That you choose to spend that much money, and clearly you care, that is on you.
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