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Old 07-26-2019, 10:08 PM
 
307 posts, read 97,093 times
Reputation: 200

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Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
Maybe their bad attitude, insecurities, entitlement, impatience is the reason they've resorted to OLD instead of interaction IRL. I'd say change dating pool... ie... try something different than OLD.
I do plan to do something else in addition to OLD.
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Old 07-26-2019, 10:49 PM
 
Location: NNJ
9,625 posts, read 5,409,086 times
Reputation: 10575
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
OLD is not any different than any other form of dating. I've had the exact same experiences in other types of dating, as I've had in OLD. No better, no worse. All types of people are doing OLD.

.
Things are different when you can't hide behind a keyboard.

People will be less likely to say in one's face that they shouldn't be talking or seeing other people.... Especially on the first meet.

Sure you have a wider access but from the guys perspective it is a numbers game... Esp when membership on many of these OLD sites leans heavily towards men.

Last edited by usayit; 07-26-2019 at 11:01 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 06:25 AM
 
2,078 posts, read 569,219 times
Reputation: 1351
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
OLD is not any different than any other form of dating. I've had the exact same experiences in other types of dating, as I've had in OLD. No better, no worse. All types of people are doing OLD.
Not ANY different, you're sadly mistaken. It's much MUCH different. You're not having any face-to-face interaction. No body language, voice tones, facial expressions, etc. Much, MUCH different.

Quote:
OLD also opens up a much larger pool of available people to date, than just trying to meet people IRL. You can potentially meet hundreds of people with OLD. If you limit yourself to just dating people at work, at church, you have maybe 20 available people to choose from, along with the bar scene. That's not going to get someone anywhere, especially if they are past their college years.
Sure you get to meet more people than you'd otherwise than in real life, but it's not that much of a selling point. In fact, I think that contributes to the problem.

It gives a kind of kid in a candy store mentality where each one seems better than the other. Women get inundated with emails left and right that the good guys may slip through the cracks.

I knew of a situation where a woman that ignored a guy online, met him in person organically (didn't realize he contacted her online) and was like "Wow, that was you?" When he revealed a few dates in that he'd seen her on a dating site prior to having chatted her up at a public place in person.

It was funny, seeing the same faces of the women through the years on the same dating sites throughout. Some I've chatted with in the past admitted to never actually having met a single guy in person, they were just perusing. Claimed, "Hadn't met a guy interesting enough to meet". I was like "Um, how about actually meeting them to SEE if you'd be interested??"

Some are there for the ego boost. Some treat it like a social media page.
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Old Yesterday, 06:31 AM
 
2,078 posts, read 569,219 times
Reputation: 1351
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
Things are different when you can't hide behind a keyboard.

People will be less likely to say in one's face that they shouldn't be talking or seeing other people.... Especially on the first meet.

Sure you have a wider access but from the guys perspective it is a numbers game... Esp when membership on many of these OLD sites leans heavily towards men.
Agreed 100% Not why there are some people that think online dating is actually BETTER than real life encounters. I think people have gotten sucked / addicted to the swipe-left/swipe-right mentality. Pretty sad.

A quote from a late 30s woman on a dating site:

Full disclosure: I’m not loving the dating site game because it seems like a candy store, but I’m a forever optimist/romantic so let’s see what happens.

Funny, I'm starting to see more of this reference added to dating profiles, "I'm not crazy about online dating, but I 'll give it a shot" Usually they aren't crazy OLD due to the many of the aforementioned and historical posts of CD.
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Old Yesterday, 06:35 AM
 
Location: NNJ
9,625 posts, read 5,409,086 times
Reputation: 10575
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Not ANY different, you're sadly mistaken. It's much MUCH different. You're not having any face-to-face interaction. No body language, voice tones, facial expressions, etc. Much, MUCH different.
....
It gives a kind of kid in a candy store mentality where each one seems better than the other. Women get inundated with emails left and right that the good guys may slip through the cracks.

.....

Some are there for the ego boost. Some treat it like a social media page.
My thoughts exactly.

The old adage "never judge a book by its cover" certainly applies; no matter how many words or pictures you exchange.

If I were to sum it up.... It cheapens the human interaction component of building connections.


side note:

I'm a technical manager at a software company; our mode of communication is chat windows and email. The lack of one on one interaction introduces problems when it comes to designing and coordination of the team not unlike some of the problems with OLD. Its ok because everyone has the same focus; technical discussion. But when the discussion is on a much personal or human level, it fails miserably. It was apparent when took responsibility for parts of the user interface of our product; when it stops being about algorithms, numbers and strings but rather about human interaction..

Last edited by usayit; Yesterday at 06:46 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 06:53 AM
 
Location: NNJ
9,625 posts, read 5,409,086 times
Reputation: 10575
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
I do plan to do something else in addition to OLD.
This is good.

I'm not saying people should avoid OLD; no doubt good relationships have been discovered on OLD.

But

Be aware that it is very very very easy to hide behind a keyboard on OLD when building relationships IRL becomes frustrating; rather than look oneself in the mirror and address why one is failing at building relationships IRL. I surmise a lot of these guys with this attitude are doing just that.... they may not even realize how inappropriate it is to make such demands because they avoided developing the interpersonal skills that are the foundation of dating.

Quite a few people I've known found great people to date simply by doing the things they enjoy in life; special interest groups. One travels a lot and she met a guy on the plane; they ended up adjusting their itinerary so they can enjoy the trip together. Another is a former coworker who was laid off from a company that specializes in photographic portraiture... his weekend job. During his unemployment from photography, he ran into a lady who ran a wedding photography business at a photo convention; she invited him to help out at studio sessions... then later at receptions. Later, they started dating.

People are most attractive when they are happy..... doing things you enjoy contributes. It also breaks the ice since you already have something in common.

Last edited by usayit; Yesterday at 07:06 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 06:55 AM
 
2,078 posts, read 569,219 times
Reputation: 1351
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
My thoughts exactly.

The old adage "never judge a book by its cover" certainly applies; no matter how many words or pictures you exchange.

If I were to sum it up.... It cheapens the human interaction component of building connections.


side note:

I'm a technical manager at a software company; our mode of communication is chat windows and email. The lack of one on one interaction introduces problems when it comes to designing and coordination of the team not unlike some of the problems with OLD. Its ok because everyone has the same focus; technical discussion. But when the discussion is on a much personal or human level, it fails miserably. It was apparent when took responsibility for parts of the user interface of our product; when it stops being about algorithms, numbers and strings but rather about human interaction..
Hey...when I was at work, someone would send an email to someone in the company. They'd later see them around the office and ask, "Hey, did you get my email?"

Answer: I hadn't opened my email yet". And it's mid-day already. lol

Anyways, like I said...throwing the ol' "You get to meet many other people that you'd otherwise meet" and I'm like "Yeah, so?" That's just stating the obvious.
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Old Yesterday, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Iowa
160 posts, read 35,267 times
Reputation: 242
Mod cut: Quoted post deleted.

There are difficult people everywhere. Don't let them get to you. Different expectations or communication styles = not a match.

Last edited by PJSaturn; Yesterday at 01:06 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 10:35 AM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,859 posts, read 3,750,638 times
Reputation: 20047
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
Things are different when you can't hide behind a keyboard. .
Nobody hides behind a keyboard for long if they are smart. You shouldn't be corresponding with someone for longer than two weeks unless they agree to meet in person. Smart people know this.

The people who get burned repeatedly in OLD are the ones who allow someone to keep stringing them along.

I met my current spouse through OLD and we met in person within 2 weeks after contacting each other on the site. That is how it's done. You don't let someone keep stringing you along for weeks or months without meeting them; if you do, you have only yourself to blame.
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Old Yesterday, 10:43 AM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,859 posts, read 3,750,638 times
Reputation: 20047
Mod cut: Orphaned.

Just because a woman cannot do something on the spur of the moment, don't take it personally. It's more polite for someone to plan a date several days in advance. A person doesn't have to drop everything they're doing in the moment to go meet someone.

Last edited by PJSaturn; Yesterday at 01:09 PM..
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