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Old 07-27-2019, 05:32 PM
 
317 posts, read 98,645 times
Reputation: 214

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Mod cut: Orphaned.

Just because a woman cannot do something on the spur of the moment, don't take it personally. It's more polite for someone to plan a date several days in advance. A person doesn't have to drop everything they're doing in the moment to go meet someone.
Also agreed. I like to be at my best for a meeting, especially a first one. Spontaneous is really not my style though I can be flexible.
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Old 07-27-2019, 05:40 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,884 posts, read 3,757,706 times
Reputation: 20098
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
Also agreed. I like to be at my best for a meeting, especially a first one. Spontaneous is really not my style though I can be flexible.
Spontaneous is better reserved for when two people are in a more exclusive relationship. A man who doesn't even know you, shouldn't expect you to drop everything spur of the moment.
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Old 07-27-2019, 05:44 PM
 
317 posts, read 98,645 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Maybe some of them are into control trips, and others have had bad experiences on OLD, so they have knee-jerk reactions? But still, if a time wasn't set for a date, what was his expectation? How would you know when to show up? Did he actually say you'd stood him up? Maybe the reason it happens a lot with him, is that he's not specific about time/place in setting up dates, or doesn't confirm the date?

Have you had positive experiences, too, or is it too new yet, and you haven't found many potential matches yet?
It's pretty new. I have had positive experiences too.

He gave me a funny vibe prior to this. Seemed miffed about not getting a quick enough response. I didn't even comment on that and he actually pointed it out that "he's no stress, don't worry about slow responses" lol. Why even say anything denying you are a certain way?

Still I didn't think he'd take his sensitivities so far. We did not have a time set. I suggested one. He was good with it but I could tell he thought I meant Friday. I told him I was extremely tired and I meant Saturday. He says, "how do I even know you'll show up? This happens a lot on here. I'm blocking you." I didn't respond and in the previous text clarifying I meant Saturday, I apologised for the misunderstanding.

The other guy has reached out since and we will still be meeting. He may or may not have been miffed but if he was, he's probably self aware enough to know he was being over sensitive. Should be a fun date.
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Old 07-27-2019, 05:45 PM
 
317 posts, read 98,645 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Spontaneous is better reserved for when two people are in a more exclusive relationship. A man who doesn't even know you, shouldn't expect you to drop everything spur of the moment.
Truth. Still seems some expect you to! Do they not know ladies require time to prepare? Silly.
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Old Yesterday, 07:37 AM
 
Location: NNJ
9,626 posts, read 5,411,749 times
Reputation: 10575
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Nobody hides behind a keyboard for long if they are smart. .
I think you just proved my point....

There are a lot of flakes and not smart people on OLD doing exactly that.. hiding behind a keyboard.
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Old Yesterday, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Iowa
166 posts, read 37,037 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
It's pretty new. I have had positive experiences too.

He gave me a funny vibe prior to this. Seemed miffed about not getting a quick enough response. I didn't even comment on that and he actually pointed it out that "he's no stress, don't worry about slow responses" lol. Why even say anything denying you are a certain way?

Still I didn't think he'd take his sensitivities so far. We did not have a time set. I suggested one. He was good with it but I could tell he thought I meant Friday. I told him I was extremely tired and I meant Saturday. He says, "how do I even know you'll show up? This happens a lot on here. I'm blocking you." I didn't respond and in the previous text clarifying I meant Saturday, I apologised for the misunderstanding.

The other guy has reached out since and we will still be meeting. He may or may not have been miffed but if he was, he's probably self aware enough to know he was being over sensitive. Should be a fun date.
I'm not following the timeline with the first guy. How was it not clear whether you were meeting on Friday or Saturday? Bottom line, I would never agree to a date without an exact time and place. I am a planner and not making plans is a deal breaker for me.

Regarding the second guy.. with all due respect, maybe he's not the only one who was overly sensitive.
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Old Yesterday, 09:06 AM
 
317 posts, read 98,645 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle View Post
I'm not following the timeline with the first guy. How was it not clear whether you were meeting on Friday or Saturday? Bottom line, I would never agree to a date without an exact time and place. I am a planner and not making plans is a deal breaker for me.

Regarding the second guy.. with all due respect, maybe he's not the only one who was overly sensitive.
Regarding the second guy, you are correct lol. However at least I hide it with potential dates, I have tact.

The first guy says we spoke about Friday night previously on the phone (true) but nothing was set. He saw it as if nothing else, I'd at least come out for coffee. He offered to take me to dinner at a restaurant he really liked when we were texting Friday evening. At that point, in text, he didn't specify which day. I had already been saying in text lets make it Saturday- I had 3 responsibilities I had taken care of on my days off (one 100 miles away) and I was exhausted. He knew all of this. But when I agreed to dinner, he wanted to believe because he offered a meal (rather than coffee which was the original plan) I agreed to come out Friday. Maybe reading too much in to it but he probably didn't really want to spend the money unless I accomidated his impatience. Why would I jump to accomidate a stranger? An inconsiderate one at that!
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Old Yesterday, 09:38 AM
 
1,838 posts, read 536,989 times
Reputation: 2297
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
Regarding the second guy, you are correct lol. However at least I hide it with potential dates, I have tact.

The first guy says we spoke about Friday night previously on the phone (true) but nothing was set. He saw it as if nothing else, I'd at least come out for coffee. He offered to take me to dinner at a restaurant he really liked when we were texting Friday evening. At that point, in text, he didn't specify which day. I had already been saying in text lets make it Saturday- I had 3 responsibilities I had taken care of on my days off (one 100 miles away) and I was exhausted. He knew all of this. But when I agreed to dinner, he wanted to believe because he offered a meal (rather than coffee which was the original plan) I agreed to come out Friday. Maybe reading too much in to it but he probably didn't really want to spend the money unless I accomidated his impatience. Why would I jump to accomidate a stranger? An inconsiderate one at that!
I still cant make sense of this, but I think your OLD guys didnt flake on their own, it seems like you helped and neither of you were very clear, and your guys get frustrated.
Now im not saying that they should get frustrated at you, but I think you might be more flaky than youre letting on, which is one of the main reasons why guys are so frustrated and entitled on OLD in the first place. Those type of encounters make people develop their own self full-filling prophecies when no one is giving them input.

Alot of women on OLD are terrible flakes, and they makes excuses instead of telling the guys theyre not interested. But of course they dont tell guys they arent interested to keep them hanging on just in case.
Then men that I guess either arent good looking enough to get solid interest, or are shooting above their leagues encounter the flaky behavior, and start acting weird themselves. Those that havent learned about tact cant take rejection and lash out at women from behind the keyboard.

But no one tells anyone online when they are doing something wrong. They just fade out or ghost them altogether to avoid the backlash.

If women universally would be brave enough to tell these guys, theyd hear it from everyone they contacted and then maybe theyd learn. It could go the other way as well. I know that would never happen, but it should be the next website. I think most guys dont have a dating support system to learn the nuances of dealing women, like women do. Ive encountered it where Ive tried asking people for help and they dont know a damn thing, or they wont help because they dont think you'll listen.

No one is owed an explanation, but helping these guys could stop the entitlement mindset if they knew why they were getting rejected. Either that, or there has to be a country with a OLD culture that is less secretive with its rejections and more understanding that US can learn from. A website is needed, whos motto is "If youre rejected, you will find out why". But people have to be honest and not vindictive. The can of worms that would open could be large, but I still wonder if it could be done.
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Old Yesterday, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Iowa
166 posts, read 37,037 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
Regarding the second guy, you are correct lol. However at least I hide it with potential dates, I have tact.

The first guy says we spoke about Friday night previously on the phone (true) but nothing was set. He saw it as if nothing else, I'd at least come out for coffee. He offered to take me to dinner at a restaurant he really liked when we were texting Friday evening. At that point, in text, he didn't specify which day. I had already been saying in text lets make it Saturday- I had 3 responsibilities I had taken care of on my days off (one 100 miles away) and I was exhausted. He knew all of this. But when I agreed to dinner, he wanted to believe because he offered a meal (rather than coffee which was the original plan) I agreed to come out Friday. Maybe reading too much in to it but he probably didn't really want to spend the money unless I accomidated his impatience. Why would I jump to accomidate a stranger? An inconsiderate one at that!
I'm still confused, but clearly there wasn't good communication here. If he didn't text you by Thursday night with specific plans for a date on Friday, IMO he has no right to complain. You can do better, keep moving.

On the flip side.. if you really liked him, I think you could have tried to make a real plan for Saturday night (farther in advance).
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Old Yesterday, 09:58 AM
 
317 posts, read 98,645 times
Reputation: 214
^^^^^

I agree the communication was off. Me, listening better and paying closer attention to what I was agreeing to. I probably said if nothing else, we'll meet for coffee Friday night. I definitely comunicated all I had to do Thursday and Friday. He could have been considerate too, when we were texting, I told him i was tired and why. He thought I was going that night anyways and when that became clear, I clarified Saturday. But that wasn't good enough.
Had nothing to do with me not liking him enough, nothing wrong with his looks or personality until this.
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