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Old Yesterday, 12:22 PM
 
46 posts, read 10,818 times
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Hello all,

I am a 35-year old single father of two. I recently went back to my local community college with the plan of eventually transferring to a 4-year college to major in chemical engineering. This past January I met a young girl in one of my classes, she is 18. She is really shy and sweet, but I got jer to open up and go out on a few dates. Two months into us talking she said she just wanted to be friends, so I said ok and we kind of lost touch for a bit. In my bday, in May she sent me a happy bday wish. We started talking again and we started going out. Long story short we hadn't made it official but up until last week it was feeling like it, and I planned to take her out this past Wednesday on a date and then ask her to make it official. When we came back we started talking about a cat I had adopted for my daughters and who I was going to pick up the following day. So, as I was showing her the picture on my phone I swiped and there was a screenshot of a snapchat story of a girl whom I don't even know, but it was a provocative pic nonetheless. I was in total shock because I was not expecting it to be there, that is how insignificant it was.

Long story short, she left very upset and almost crying, and I was almost crying too because I felt so bad and didn't want her to leave like that. She left and I blew up her phone (mistake) and poured my heart out (another mistake) about how much I was sorry and how I did not want to lose her.

The following day same thing, bombarded her phone telling her how much she meant to me and pouring my heart out, and that I wanted to speak to her in person. She basically told me she thought I was better, that she wants someone who will bring her peace, and that she was a fool for believing me. She also asked for mt to come clean and be honest, and which I did and told her what the truth which is what I wrote her, I just thought the girl was cute and snapped the pic.

Anyway, she said she thought we'd be better off as friends, at which point I said ok I understand why you feel the way you feel, and I am sorry but I respect your decision. That was the last time we texted/spoke.

I feel so terrible, because she is such a good girl, and I could see myself with her and we were so compatible. I cannot wrap my head around something so insignificant altering our course, but I do understand her doubts and her reasoning.

I am trying to give her her space, but I also want to express how sorry I am and how much I want to be with her and how she is on my mind. I haven't contacted her and I think to give her her space is the best thing. However, I'm thinking of sending her some flowers in a few days?

Thoughts overall and just how to proceed, or if sending her flowers is a good idea, or perhaps a letter, or take the flowers in person?
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Old Yesterday, 12:25 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,878 posts, read 3,750,638 times
Reputation: 20077
Quote:
Originally Posted by socal225 View Post
So, as I was showing her the picture on my phone I swiped and there was a screenshot of a snapchat story of a girl whom I don't even know, but it was a provocative pic nonetheless. I was in total shock because I was not expecting it to be there, that is how insignificant it was.
If you aren't looking at porn on your phone, things like this don't pop up. I never get these pop-ups on my phone or computer, ever, because I don't peruse porn sites.

If it was a picture you took yourself of a woman in a provocative pose, why are you doing that? I do not understand any of this.
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Old Yesterday, 12:31 PM
 
1,115 posts, read 1,826,268 times
Reputation: 4800
Leave her alone.

You’re at two very different stages of life. Your primary concern should be your children and your education / job. She has too much life to live before getting tangled up with someone twice her age with two kids.

And, ick, don’t refer to a woman you’re dating as a “good girl.”
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Old Yesterday, 12:33 PM
 
46 posts, read 10,818 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
If you aren't looking at porn on your phone, things like this don't pop up. I never get these pop-ups on my phone or computer, ever, because I don't peruse porn sites.

If it was a picture you took yourself of a woman in a provocative pose, why are you doing that? I do not understand any of this.
Sorry for the misunderstanding, but no, it wasn't a porn popup. It was a picture of a girl on social media, I don't even know this girl she just followed me a while back and I followed her back. Last weekend she posted a picture of herself in a bikini, and I saved the pic to my phone. It was one of the most foolish things I have done, and it may very well have caused my chances with this amazing girl. It was honestly a mistake, but that doesn't change how I feel about this girl or my intentions with her.
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Old Yesterday, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,848 posts, read 20,102,495 times
Reputation: 46017
You've already been on again/off again twice.... in how many months?

Yes, she over reacted to a stupid pic, and you over reacted to her over reacting.

This is a lot of juvenile drama, don't you have two daughters to raise? If it's drama you are craving, just wait til they hit their teens, you'll get more than your share.
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Old Yesterday, 12:36 PM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,956 posts, read 7,570,704 times
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The very fact that you said "blew up her phone" suggests you are WAY too old
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Old Yesterday, 12:39 PM
 
10,474 posts, read 4,178,979 times
Reputation: 26471
Quote:
Originally Posted by socal225 View Post
Sorry for the misunderstanding, but no, it wasn't a porn popup. It was a picture of a girl on social media, I don't even know this girl she just followed me a while back and I followed her back. Last weekend she posted a picture of herself in a bikini, and I saved the pic to my phone. It was one of the most foolish things I have done, and it may very well have caused my chances with this amazing girl. It was honestly a mistake, but that doesn't change how I feel about this girl or my intentions with her.
You just tipped your hand, and she saw your cards, guy.

I don't think this is a misunderstanding, this is a view of what's to come for her, in life, if she's your partner.

This isn't like it showed up on your facebook feed, while you were scrolling through your news.

You purposely took a pic of a bikini clad girl (whom you have never met even) from your social media, and saved it to your phone.
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Old Yesterday, 12:39 PM
 
336 posts, read 54,571 times
Reputation: 672
Why not? If you end up making it work, that's great. Age doesn't mean anything. The older you both get, the less of a difference it makes. But, if things don't work out, send her my way.
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Old Yesterday, 12:43 PM
 
46 posts, read 10,818 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
You just tipped your hand, and she saw your cards, guy.

I don't think this is a misunderstanding, this is a view of what's to come for her, in life, if she's your partner.

This isn't like it showed up on your facebook feed, while you were scrolling through your news.

You purposely took a pic of a bikini clad girl (whom you have never met even) from your social media, and saved it to your phone.
I understand. It was a genuine but foolish mistake, I have otherwise been the best man I could be. Do you think there is any hope? Would visiting her with some flowers be too much? Like maybe after a week or two of no contact? What about calling her?
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Old Yesterday, 12:45 PM
 
46 posts, read 10,818 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
The very fact that you said "blew up her phone" suggests you are WAY too old
How so? It was foolish, but it was a heat of the moment type of thing. She left very distraughtly and I wanted to talk to her.
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