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Old 07-30-2019, 03:32 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,261 posts, read 4,737,016 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Yeah because like I said some of these traits can be had by people not on the spectrum. Everyone has their quirks.

Just because your shy or socially awkward doesn’t mean you’re on the spectrum. So I was trying to figure out the difference between quirkiness and definitely being on the spectrum

But there are somethings in this thread that has opened my eyes up to some of the things that people on the spectrum might do that your average person wouldn’t.

Like stepping over someone who’s choking seems like something exclusive to autism outside of maybe some huge sociopathic person.
There is a whole diagnostic criteria that needs to be met. Shyness and introversion are not symptoms of ASD, though individuals on the spectrum can be introverted and exhibit shyness. You can be quirky and not socially awkward. In an extroverted society, introverts can be seen as socially awkward, due lacking an understanding of introversion. The same can be said for individuals with social anxiety disorder and other dsm-5 disorders. But there are specific traits the present in individuals on the AS.
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Old 07-30-2019, 08:51 PM
 
12,322 posts, read 6,855,224 times
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From the pov of a neurotypical woman dealing with a man on the spectrum, it is challenging.

I met a man on the spectrum at my first full time job. I was quite introverted and he was an extrovert, at least as far as his wit and humor. He was very smart and funny and he helped me a lot with work. The problem was with the friendship part. Boy he could cut you down - ouch. He made me feel like crap in an instant. But at the same time I know he didn't mean to be mean but I think he was "too honest". I did believe the things he said were how he really felt, he just didn't have a filter to avoid saying them. This was not in his interests and he would start stimming when he realized he said something he should have kept to himself.

He ended up marrying a couple of times, his wives were domineering extroverted types, or at least really assertive. One of them had an autistic son. He would keep in touch with me, one time saying something inappropriate while he was married and of course he didn't realize it was wrong to say it because it was honest.

I am too sensitive to have ever had a relationship with someone who doesn't fully process empathetic and emotional type things. I would feel unfulfilled, lonely and depressed if my guy was not able to be supportive.
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Old 07-31-2019, 10:16 AM
 
Location: USA
2,719 posts, read 2,097,367 times
Reputation: 4469
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontH8Me View Post

One thing I must stress, though - deception by omission is a form of misrepresentation (i.e. lying), is manipulative, and don't be surprised if and when your dishonesty rears its ugly little head that your partner yeets you. Just be honest and upfront about who you are and let the chips fall where they may. You may lose the interest of many, but would you really want to be with someone who doesn't accept you for who you are? Be with someone who knows from the start what your peccadilloes are and gain the love of an earnest heart. I don't know anyone who wants to date a manipulative person, but I know many who are dating on the spectrum.
YES! If they can't bother to open up in a relationship then they're better off being single. Being in a relationship is about TRUST and being comfortable in your own skin.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mae Maes Garden View Post
Seriously? Thanks for the general admonishment......

I am very social.....I cannot handle introverts. In a way, they are socially awkward.

I “understand” Asbergers, Autism, depression, bi-polar etc. And the various spectrums. It is a no for me. (I have family members who struggle with these.). I am sympathetic with the struggles but I am also realistic in how I want to live my life. My father had undiagnosed manic depression. Older brother is undiagnosed Asberger.
I don't mind introverts. However, if I was to be in a long-term, intimate relationship with someone, and he couldn't bother to reveal personal things about himself, it would make me wonder if there was some DARK secret he doesn't want me or anyone to know about.

While we were in a relationship, I would ask questions about his personal life, he would either say very little or acted like it was none of my business.

I used to date guy like that. It was exhausting.
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Old 07-31-2019, 10:35 AM
 
21,468 posts, read 17,057,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
Op, you could really call "thread" with this ^. That's crazy, man!! I think it's safe to say that if you suffer from a developmental abnormality which would make it hard to understand and atleast try to respond to a life or death medical emergency for your SO, most women would not find that appealing.
Well that was similar to the way Amy Shumer described her first date with her now-husband. She tripped and fell flat on her face, turned up to see him simply standing there staring at her. That's how she knew something was "off" but she fell in love with him and now has lots of new stand up material, lol. She said you have to be prepared for brutal honesty. She said she'd ask him if she looks fat in an outfit, and he'd say something like "Yes. You have a lot of other clothes, why don't you wear them?". I guess it helps to have a sense of humor, lol.
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Old 07-31-2019, 10:37 AM
 
Location: UK
995 posts, read 202,525 times
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I wouldn't but I think there are plenty of people who do.
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Old 08-30-2019, 12:32 AM
 
166 posts, read 61,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
I get it.

But people need to know, especially women who are considering that shy awkward guy who maybe works in tech and loves to talk about his special interests as long as anyone's willing to listen. Some high functioning autistic men watch rom-coms or read romance novels to try to discern how to pass as an NT in a dating situation.

I belong to an online group of people, mainly women, none of whom knew when they married that their new partner was autistic. I certainly didn't know.

Quote:
Example: A woman in our online group had a brain seizure. Her husband suggested she drive herself to the hospital because he didn't want to pay for an ambulance. Then he stepped over her body on his way of out of the room. She survived and got a divorce.
Quote:
We were watching TV one evening, eating dinner from trays. I choked on a piece of meat and kept trying to dislodge it. He kept eating, shoveling food in as fast as possible, the way he always eats. I was coughing and straining with my entire body trying to rid myself of the obstruction. He was smiling at the TV screen in rapt attention.
Finally, I did expel the offending object. When I got my breath back, I asked him why he hadn't called 911. "I could hear you breathe," was his response. And if I had stopped breathing, I would have been dead by the time an ambulance arrived. Their average response time is 14 minutes.

He would have called 911 if someone had told him to do it. I couldn't talk. So things had to change.

He took a CPR class and learned the Heimlich maneuver. I decided I would have to train him so that his brain would automatically know how to react to emergency situations. So when I had an asthma flare, I'd have him take me to the ER. Now, he asks if he should take me if I seem to be having trouble breathing. The old DH would have just ignored it and kept watching YouTube videos. Though now that we've moved to a different city, I will have to retrain him because there are two ERs fairly close by and he might not be able to decide between them.

I've had surgeries in recent years. He didn't know what to do before or after. I had to teach him that he must feed me if I were confined to bed post-surgery, otherwise he would only buy food for himself. He had to help me up the stairs and perhaps even help me toilet. Common sense stuff that most people take for granted, but I can never take anything for granted. I can never assume he knows something everyone else "just knows."

I love my husband. But if I'd known 25 years ago what I know now...
Uhhh...While people with Autism may have some issues understanding social cues and such, pretty sure EVERYONE understands the seriousness of someone having a damn seizure or choking. They were just pieces of garbage.
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Old 09-01-2019, 08:44 AM
 
21,468 posts, read 17,057,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azureth View Post
Uhhh...While people with Autism may have some issues understanding social cues and such, pretty sure EVERYONE understands the seriousness of someone having a damn seizure or choking. They were just pieces of garbage.
I don’t know that everyone with Autism knows how they should respond. Why question people who are married to Autistic people or have them as family members? Like I said, Any Schumer found out about her now-husbands Autism when she tripped and fell flat on her face on the sidewalk on one of their early dates, and when she looked up expecting him to be holding out his hand to help her up or even asking if she was ok, he was instead staring at her, frozen and unsure how to respond. And he is very high functioning. Not understanding social cues is the main issue not a minor one.

Last edited by ocnjgirl; 09-01-2019 at 09:20 AM..
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Old 09-01-2019, 08:51 AM
 
Location: USA
269 posts, read 44,254 times
Reputation: 293
No I would not date someone with Aspergers/Autism. Knowing what I know now about it, I know it wouldn't work for me. I know what I require in relationships. Others may have different experiences/need different things.
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Old 09-03-2019, 05:59 PM
 
166 posts, read 61,687 times
Reputation: 273
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
I don’t know that everyone with Autism knows how they should respond. Why question people who are married to Autistic people or have them as family members? Like I said, Any Schumer found out about her now-husbands Autism when she tripped and fell flat on her face on the sidewalk on one of their early dates, and when she looked up expecting him to be holding out his hand to help her up or even asking if she was ok, he was instead staring at her, frozen and unsure how to respond. And he is very high functioning. Not understanding social cues is the main issue not a minor one.
Well, any guy willing to date, much less marry Amy Schumer would obviously have all kinds of mental issues.
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Old 09-03-2019, 06:59 PM
 
21,468 posts, read 17,057,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azureth View Post
Well, any guy willing to date, much less marry Amy Schumer would obviously have all kinds of mental issues.
Wow that’s pretty messed up.
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