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Old Yesterday, 08:15 AM
 
307 posts, read 129,760 times
Reputation: 346

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I dated a guy for about 4-5 months and we broke up ultimately because we just couldn't see eye-to-eye on a lot of stuff. It's been about a month and a half since I've seen him and we resumed friendly communication via Facebook messaging. Both of us are out there dating but neither of us is in a relationship. He often brings up how he "is down to grab a beer sometime" and he's often in my area visiting a friend.

I don't think he wants to get back together, as we had that discussion and ultimately he said he's glad we broke up because things were getting "very complicated." I also happen to know he is casually dating other women and he even says he's "not looking for anything serious at this point." He just says he "misses me as a friend" and would like to catch up.

Is this a good idea? What do you think his intentions are here?

As a side note -- I'm in my late 20s looking for a serious relationship that would end in marriage and kids. He's not looking for that right now. He's actually 33 and looking to join the military in the next year and said he might be away for 1.5 years at some point with all the training. So dating-wise we are not really compatible.
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Old Yesterday, 08:22 AM
 
356 posts, read 63,371 times
Reputation: 701
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo View Post
Is this a good idea?
What do you think his intentions are here?
Sure, why not if you want to .(Do you want to, would you want to if this was a chick?)
To get laid but you don't have to satisfy his intentions.
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Old Yesterday, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Iowa
166 posts, read 37,037 times
Reputation: 257
Will seeing him as a friend (without "benefits") be a distraction from dating and meeting someone who is a good match for you? If so, focus on your priorities. If not, go for it (assuming you like hanging out with him).
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Old Yesterday, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,667 posts, read 33,522,553 times
Reputation: 32425
I would not. I made the mistake of meeting my ex for a meal while I was in her city last year as just friends and for her it just brought up those feelings she felt when we broke up and for me it brought me a lot of guilt for putting her in that place again. I would just let sleeping dogs lie and don’t even entertain anything that would bring up the possibility of emotional investment again.
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Old Yesterday, 09:20 AM
 
315 posts, read 98,645 times
Reputation: 214
This will only distract you from your goal of meeting and marrying a man to have a family with. He likely wants benefits if you're willing. There is nothing there for you except distraction. You know not to go, that's why you're asking. Follow that instinct.
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Old Yesterday, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,850 posts, read 4,812,350 times
Reputation: 28675
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo View Post
Is this a good idea? What do you think his intentions are here?

You know what his intentions are.


He's got nothing to lose by trying.
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Old Yesterday, 10:27 AM
Status: "Mr. C's ❤️" (set 16 days ago)
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
1,556 posts, read 702,324 times
Reputation: 3133
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo View Post
What do you think his intentions are here?
From what you wrote, it's pretty clear what his intentions are:

"he said he's glad we broke up..."
"he is casually dating other women..."
"he even says he's not looking for anything serious at this point..."


If he's "missing you as a friend", it's probably because he's hoping to get some side "benefits" without having to endure the complications of a regular relationship with you.
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Old Yesterday, 10:30 AM
 
1,230 posts, read 1,233,365 times
Reputation: 529
I personally don't see anything wrong with it. The choice is yours. I personally try to build something platonic with everyone I meet, and I make my boundaries very clear if applicable. It's really more about you, yourself, and how you would handle such situations. I think it is good to try to have the attitude to have as my friends or "friends" as possible and to be able to compartmentalize such a balance and advocate for yourself if appropriate.

If benefits without commitment are involved, just be straight up and tell him if you'd consider that or not, and if he's not okay with your wishes or doesn't give a clear answer, move on. If he does give a clear answer that you can be compatible with, give him a chance if you can manage your time and life well.
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Old Yesterday, 10:44 AM
 
119 posts, read 22,472 times
Reputation: 241
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo View Post
we broke up ultimately because we just couldn't see eye-to-eye on a lot of stuff..
If you two didn't see eye-to-eye on a lot of stuff and broke up because of a lack of compatibility, what would be the basis for a friendship? Or the desire for it?
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Old Yesterday, 10:48 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,695 posts, read 4,920,979 times
Reputation: 12637
Depends on the true motive.
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