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Old 07-28-2019, 09:59 PM
 
1,223 posts, read 541,681 times
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How do you deal with unwanted setups? I have tried both options in my day and always found meetings as awkward as they are tedious. Itís not the personís fault and I donít blame them. The root of the problem is friends and family who canít accept that Iím single and not looking and foist these people on me because theyíre Ďtrying to help.í Er, no.
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Old 07-28-2019, 11:03 PM
 
1,853 posts, read 541,138 times
Reputation: 2316
You deal with unwanted setups by telling them NOO. They only dont accept it because youre not forcing them to.

At some point you have to establish boundaries. You either look like the bad guy or keep being the people pleaser, pick one. You tell them if they set you up, youre going to stand the person up. Simple.
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Old 07-29-2019, 02:41 AM
 
742 posts, read 195,115 times
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Don’t ever lead anyone on.
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Old 07-29-2019, 03:02 AM
 
1,223 posts, read 541,681 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Donít ever lead anyone on.
I donít. Iím not a game player in the least. I am, however, too much my motherís son and cannot be thought rude by letting people down. This, I suspect, is the only reason the old girl accepted my fatherís proposal.
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Old 07-29-2019, 03:18 AM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
2,509 posts, read 951,581 times
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Better to be upfront and honest than to lead someone on with false hopes.
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Old 07-29-2019, 06:38 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,706 posts, read 4,929,021 times
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I just tell them no and refuse to budge under pressure.

I rather deal with the discomfort of being seen as "mean," rather than deal with the remorse of someone getting their hopes up and potentially developing feelings for me.
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Old 07-29-2019, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,593 posts, read 42,180,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
How do you deal with unwanted setups? I have tried both options in my day and always found meetings as awkward as they are tedious. Itís not the personís fault and I donít blame them. The root of the problem is friends and family who canít accept that Iím single and not looking and foist these people on me because theyíre Ďtrying to help.í Er, no.
So Ö who are you worried about "letting down"? Your mom?

You've made quite a strong stand here about being anti-relationship. Sounds like you need to do the same with the people who actually need to know you.
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Old 07-29-2019, 09:23 AM
 
548 posts, read 99,718 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
How do you deal with unwanted setups?
Nobody is forcing you.
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Old 07-29-2019, 09:27 AM
 
7,589 posts, read 2,992,664 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
I don’t. I’m not a game player in the least. I am, however, too much my mother’s son and cannot be thought rude by letting people down. This, I suspect, is the only reason the old girl accepted my father’s proposal.

That’s hard for me, as well: “Be nice!” Do you have that hissing in your head? It’s distracting.
Do you socialize at all? If you kind of wish you could, but are short on friends, why not just accept the situation as a social activity? Maybe there’s a band or movie or restaurant you want to go to, it’s not really so awful to have someone to go with!
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Old 07-29-2019, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Boulder, CO
469 posts, read 149,074 times
Reputation: 897
If the other person seems close to someone you might contact on, say, a dating site, i.e., cute in pictures and has some good qualities, why not give it a shot ? At east they're "vetted" by someone you know.


On this message board, it's not uncommon to hear "get away from OLD - try meeting prospective dates organically, at church or a club or a MeetUp group, or through friends". This is one opportunity/option.
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