U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 08-01-2019, 10:23 AM
 
8,225 posts, read 6,068,821 times
Reputation: 5843

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
You really need to assess where you are at, at this point in life, as a 40 year old man.

What is that you want, and how your looks, or lack thereof, are going to factor into the rest of your life (because the clock is ticking).

How much do you want the physical factors of society to play in the few decades you might have left...
Do all that.

But whatever you do, don't become one of those guys that buy a woman's bathwater and drink it. I just found out that that is a thing.

 
Old 08-01-2019, 11:33 AM
 
1,267 posts, read 1,309,761 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Years ago, before I met my husband, a friend of mine invited me over to her house for game night, and to meet her brother. I was willing.


So, I go over to her house, and her brother is outside waiting for me. I get out of the car and he meets me in the driveway. He puts his arm around my shoulders and says "Come on darlin, let's get to know each other." IN THAT VERY INSTANT I was creeped out. He was too familiar with me, and I threw my guard up...and that was it. It was an awkward evening.


I can totally get it if others here would say "What's the big deal?" And I will grant that having been molested as a child, and assaulted as a young adult...I had my issues. But that's my point. They were MY issues, and I made a snap judgement. I might've been completely wrong about the guy, and he might've been completely normal, and I let a good one get away. But...it was MY perception.


OP...I would just hope that you wouldn't internalize her disinterest being because your not good looking. The guy I was talking about was reasonably attractive. It wasn't his looks that caused me to react the way I did.


I am not at ALL implying you're weird or anything of the sort...what I'm trying to convey is that her reaction to you was based on HER experiences. It had very little to actually do with you at all, I think.
This seems to be anecdotal evidence on your part, but I'm speaking about common patterns i noticed. I was the "matchmaker" for dozens of people, some of them multiple times.
My take for your specific case is that your friend did you (or her brother) a disservice of some sort, by telling you about meeting a guy, but that's less relevant. If you haven't met each other, she didn't cause any damage in total herself since she was the one who "linked" you two in some/any way, you two were strangers before that.
The issue was rapidly aggravated by specific behavior, it would be even worse if you two weren't introduced to each other. This guy is acting too familiar and proceeds with physical contact. That guy blew up his chance and it's not due to shyness but other stuff, it's rather opposite. He could land in the "casanova" group and I do have an opinion, but I don't know him and I wasn't the person doing the matchmaking. I've seen it way too many times from guys who utilize others around them (including women who reject their advances, or women of their friends) as a way to "set him up" a potential lay.

Your response doesn't make you a "princess" becuse the date failed or because someone acts in specific manner. It is a specific way of behavior and what OP described reeks with it, it's completely opposite way of reasoning, behavior and it generally is aggravated against guys who are shy, NOT against guys who do the stuff that you described. OP definitely seems like such kind of person, a shy one.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 12:27 PM
 
892 posts, read 234,133 times
Reputation: 1526
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
This seems to be anecdotal evidence on your part, but I'm speaking about common patterns i noticed. I was the "matchmaker" for dozens of people, some of them multiple times.
My take for your specific case is that your friend did you (or her brother) a disservice of some sort, by telling you about meeting a guy, but that's less relevant. If you haven't met each other, she didn't cause any damage in total herself since she was the one who "linked" you two in some/any way, you two were strangers before that.
The issue was rapidly aggravated by specific behavior, it would be even worse if you two weren't introduced to each other. This guy is acting too familiar and proceeds with physical contact. That guy blew up his chance and it's not due to shyness but other stuff, it's rather opposite. He could land in the "casanova" group and I do have an opinion, but I don't know him and I wasn't the person doing the matchmaking. I've seen it way too many times from guys who utilize others around them (including women who reject their advances, or women of their friends) as a way to "set him up" a potential lay.

Your response doesn't make you a "princess" becuse the date failed or because someone acts in specific manner. It is a specific way of behavior and what OP described reeks with it, it's completely opposite way of reasoning, behavior and it generally is aggravated against guys who are shy, NOT against guys who do the stuff that you described. OP definitely seems like such kind of person, a shy one.
I find your post intriging. So, your theory is that the woman's behavior constitutes "princess" behavior that is typically done to shy men.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 12:59 PM
 
1,267 posts, read 1,309,761 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
I find your post intriging. So, your theory is that the woman's behavior constitutes "princess" behavior that is typically done to shy men.
No, I'm addressing the three common "parts" where personality ranks second for a princess. First one is physical looks, unlike the stereotype about money. Third one is career/family inheritance and if she's willing to compromise something, this is the likely factor, at least during starting phases and thus giving it any remote chance for the common interest, affection and love to grow.

EDIT: I want to make it short.
A "princess" has issues with dating, for the fact that she's single and obviously has no objections for you to offer to match her with someone. She utilizes this solely for her attempt to meet a guy she can't obviously meet through her own social circle. Trick with this unicorn is that he generally doesn't want her in the end.
She wants generally three "qualities" as all other women, and in case of a princess it's this list of priorities in this order:
1. Physical looks and attractiveness
2. Entertaining persona (being shy and/or dull is generally NOT a plus for either a man or a woman)
3. Career/family inheritance

She's suffering from cognitive dissonance on a regular basis to evaluate the "stand" for her prospect in any of these three regards and she tends to underestimate it heavily. She doesn't question her own "standings" and is actually prone to be neurotic persona who thinks/knows that some of her friends are "better looking, more accomplished, more entertaining personalities".

Last edited by nald; 08-01-2019 at 01:15 PM..
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:09 PM
 
352 posts, read 67,736 times
Reputation: 665
Are you from an Asian background, with all this talk of matchmaking and princesses?
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:11 PM
 
6,794 posts, read 2,455,010 times
Reputation: 15614
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
This seems to be anecdotal evidence on your part, but I'm speaking about common patterns i noticed. I was the "matchmaker" for dozens of people, some of them multiple times.
My take for your specific case is that your friend did you (or her brother) a disservice of some sort, by telling you about meeting a guy, but that's less relevant. If you haven't met each other, she didn't cause any damage in total herself since she was the one who "linked" you two in some/any way, you two were strangers before that.
The issue was rapidly aggravated by specific behavior, it would be even worse if you two weren't introduced to each other. This guy is acting too familiar and proceeds with physical contact. That guy blew up his chance and it's not due to shyness but other stuff, it's rather opposite. He could land in the "casanova" group and I do have an opinion, but I don't know him and I wasn't the person doing the matchmaking. I've seen it way too many times from guys who utilize others around them (including women who reject their advances, or women of their friends) as a way to "set him up" a potential lay.

Your response doesn't make you a "princess" becuse the date failed or because someone acts in specific manner. It is a specific way of behavior and what OP described reeks with it, it's completely opposite way of reasoning, behavior and it generally is aggravated against guys who are shy, NOT against guys who do the stuff that you described. OP definitely seems like such kind of person, a shy one.

Thanks for this. It provided some clarification (for me) to your previous post. Which is not to imply you weren't clear. It implies my comprehension was off. lol
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:16 PM
 
1,267 posts, read 1,309,761 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Are you from an Asian background, with all this talk of matchmaking and princesses?
no.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:19 PM
 
352 posts, read 67,736 times
Reputation: 665
I've never been set up with anyone but since reading this thread I think I would refuse any matchmaking.

Has anyone else noticed that when you meet someone for the sole purpose of seeing if you would be a suitable match, there's a lot of pressure - do I like him, does he like me etc? It's so awkward. Whereas when you meet through an activity or some other situation, you have more room to consider whether you like someone or not and for attraction to grow naturally. I prefer the latter.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:37 PM
 
1,267 posts, read 1,309,761 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I've never been set up with anyone but since reading this thread I think I would refuse any matchmaking.

Has anyone else noticed that when you meet someone for the sole purpose of seeing if you would be a suitable match, there's a lot of pressure - do I like him, does he like me etc? It's so awkward. Whereas when you meet through an activity or some other situation, you have more room to consider whether you like someone or not and for attraction to grow naturally. I prefer the latter.
Matchmaking works quite well for people who are shy and/or dull in social interactions, but are otherwise quite good and usually very competent people in terms of careers. Stable people. Looks department varies.
I've been witness of multiple couples who allowed their relationship to grow naturally. But what I also witnessed were many people, including bottom-of-the-barrel women who use passive-aggressive approach to harass people whom they were matched with, or men who fare badly in terms of career prospects who utilize every opportunity to hit it off with as many women and to get sexual within as few going-outs as possible.

When you see that someone solely wishes to ascertain physical department in order to even talk or show "genuine interest" and this person obviously isn't outside of one standard deviation in terms of attractiveness (means you're not matchmaking him/her with someone in the bottom-low 25% in terms of attractiveness alone), it's a sign of alarm. If this disinterest happens when this other person is average or above average, then you're either trying to make a match for a god or goddess in terms of looks, or you're dealing with aforementioned jerks.

If these people were so much "desiring" for attraction to be genuine, matchmaking would work much better. Alas, this isn't true, especially in America. "Attraction to grow naturally" is a joke when you have people who refuse to give it a try for serious relationship unless they are hitting high. They actively seek ways to find out every possible detail about a person they plan or wish to be serious about, BEFORE making any contact in this regard. The only exception are contacts that primarily wish to open up an opportunity to get laid within short period of time.
 
Old 08-01-2019, 01:50 PM
 
352 posts, read 67,736 times
Reputation: 665
I suppose on OLD everyone wants to date someone as attractive as possible. If you meet through an activity, you're more likely to have an attraction that grows over time and is not based solely on looks.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top