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Old 08-01-2019, 11:36 PM
 
4,322 posts, read 4,726,157 times
Reputation: 2939

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Well if you never try, you never know.
I know what I can tolerate. There’s certain women I would never be able to “perform” with. I don’t care how great they are.

 
Old 08-01-2019, 11:44 PM
 
352 posts, read 67,736 times
Reputation: 665
Have you ever tried it though? Sleeping with someone you once found meh but since fell in love with because you spent time together and discovered you like them, is not the same as trying to perform in a situation where you just met the person, you're judging the person only on looks and have no personal connection to them.

It has happened to other people so why shouldn't it happen for you.

But anyway seems like your mind is already made up on what you want and need, and you're not open to experimentation so I won't try and convince you any further of the merits of someone possibly "growing on you" over time.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 12:18 AM
 
764 posts, read 198,256 times
Reputation: 1023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
All I'm saying is that you could try to become friends with more women, unattractive ones especially, and see where that goes. You just never know.

I know women are less visual than men, but I have heard stories where two people met and definitely did not have sparks, but became attracted later. Maybe it could happen for you.

Friends with more women. With the goal of possibly coming to date one of them? That sounds like a guaranteed way to the friendzone to me. Nothing wrong with more acquaintances, but making friends with women is a bad way for a guy to date, in my first-hand experience (multiple times). Maybe it works for women, since the interest of most men gets piqued by a willing woman...in other words, she can start out as friends and decide later that she wants some, and his interest will grow...but for guys, to become friends with a woman with the goal of dating later only works out in romcoms and flutes.


No. Romantic interest or friend. Choose one and give up the other forever.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 12:22 AM
 
764 posts, read 198,256 times
Reputation: 1023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
The way to recover from that is to go to therapy to talk about it and figure out how to adapt to this situation. It's unfortunate but it's life. Some of us get dealt a crappy hand, in various ways.


...


Life deals a s**t hand to some of us, if it's not in this arena then it's in another one. I could give you sob stories about that but I won't.

Yep. No one gets everything they want out of life. Everyone will have to settle for less than they want in some sphere or the other. The vast majority of people at least get a taste of most of what life has to offer, though. To be dealt the crappy hand of being locked out of one of the most basic, primal, hard-coded parts of the human experience is very painful.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 06:26 AM
 
7,487 posts, read 11,629,808 times
Reputation: 8338
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Yep. No one gets everything they want out of life. Everyone will have to settle for less than they want in some sphere or the other. The vast majority of people at least get a taste of most of what life has to offer, though. To be dealt the crappy hand of being locked out of one of the most basic, primal, hard-coded parts of the human experience is very painful.
Have you never been in a relationship?

How old are you?
 
Old 08-02-2019, 06:32 AM
 
764 posts, read 198,256 times
Reputation: 1023
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Friends with more women. With the goal of possibly coming to date one of them? That sounds like a guaranteed way to the friendzone to me. Nothing wrong with more acquaintances, but making friends with women is a bad way for a guy to date, in my first-hand experience (multiple times). Maybe it works for women, since the interest of most men gets piqued by a willing woman...in other words, she can start out as friends and decide later that she wants some, and his interest will grow...but for guys, to become friends with a woman with the goal of dating later only works out in romcoms and flutes.
That should be *flukes*...not that one time at band camp.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 06:54 AM
 
764 posts, read 198,256 times
Reputation: 1023
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
Have you never been in a relationship?

How old are you?
I am a 34 year old virgin. A year and a half ago I had a very brief month-long thing with someone who was not mentally healthy. She was rebounding hard just a few weeks after her long-term live-in boyfriend had walked out on her. She approached me, and despite miles of red flags I gave it a shot since it was the only time any woman had expressed any interest in me. It ended in abuse once she’d rebounded a little more and I fell off the pedestal she’d put me on. Even if it ended ugly the experience made me really want to date more and gave me a little confidence that I could.

I worked as hard as I could for a year to build up my market value, learn what I could from articles and videos (it’s how I ended up here), and “put myself out there” as they say, but I had a hell of a time trying to date. I did have two small successes last fall when I finally got two women to accept a date; one stood me up, the other ghosted me after a friendly-but-awkward first date. A few months later I decided to quit orienting my life around something that I was getting such little ROI on. I’m not good at reading social cues, the whole dating process is completely non-intuitive for me, and I lack characteristics that women are generally known to find attractive. That all combines to make dating very difficult for me, along with my location and lack of experience.

That’s my story in a nutshell.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Prague
78 posts, read 11,197 times
Reputation: 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
We’re at a ballgame for his bday and when I get there he tells me he sat me next to his friend because we’re both single and thinks we’d be a good match.

I’m not a fan of being put on the spot like that but I’m like whatever. Im getting a rare opportunity for myself so let me see if I can take advantage of it.

I try to strike up a conversation with her asking her questions trying to open up a dialogue she gives one word answers to everything. She literally wants no part of the conversation. I try one more time later on same thing gives me nothing and turns around after answering like leave me alone.

It wasn’t like I was blatantly flirting with her I was simply trying to strike up a convo like a normal human being and nothing. It wasn’t like she was some beauty queen either she was halfway decent looking. Not somebody I’d notice when I’m out but still I was willing to see if there was anything there.

I guess if you’re unattractive some people won’t even want to have a convo with you? Lol.

This is why I don’t even try with woman at all because the few times I do i get treated like ****.

Hey man!

I did not read the conversation before (sorry) but based on this post:

If you don§t mind, could you post pic of yourself here?

If not, if you feel unattractive, what about working on it? Go to the gym, get some basic muscle ( at least), get ripped (to roughly 8-9% bodyfat), buy some decent good clothes, learn some more sport, learning to dance adds a lot too, get social... And of course, work hard on your career, income, friends, social cycles...

You see, bro, these are the traits that make you attractive and being desired by women. If you feel women treat you badly... well... women have nothing personal to you, they just react to what you show them. Working on yourself makes a difference in life. Complaining or just chatting does not.

Reality.

Good luck, bro!
 
Old 08-02-2019, 08:11 AM
 
4,322 posts, read 4,726,157 times
Reputation: 2939
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Have you ever tried it though? Sleeping with someone you once found meh but since fell in love with because you spent time together and discovered you like them, is not the same as trying to perform in a situation where you just met the person, you're judging the person only on looks and have no personal connection to them.

It has happened to other people so why shouldn't it happen for you.

But anyway seems like your mind is already made up on what you want and need, and you're not open to experimentation so I won't try and convince you any further of the merits of someone possibly "growing on you" over time.
I know what I like it’s not gonna happen for me. Somebody who I find unattractive but I get along with doesn’t make me attracted to them at all. It just makes them a friend.
 
Old 08-02-2019, 09:00 AM
 
352 posts, read 67,736 times
Reputation: 665
When I met the first guy I had a fling with, if you had told me a few weeks later I'd be sleeping with him, I'd say hell no. On our first date I was noticing that he was unattractive to me although he was really nice and interesting as a person. Definitely a friend, I thought, and definitely not a love interest. On our 7th meeting we were having really good sex and I didn't see him as unattractive anymore. I wonder if this has ever happened for a guy or if it's only women who can go from finding someone unattractive to finding them attractive over the course of several meetings.
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