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Old Yesterday, 04:16 PM
 
760 posts, read 197,192 times
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Was it an actual setup attempt or just a letís hang out together thing?

I mean, I get it, itís a dig on your ego and another confirmation of what you fear about yourself. Being rejected, ignored, unwanted, sucks. Itís going to make you miserable as long as you focus on it. Iíve found life to be a lot more fun if Iím not focused on trying to find a match. Hasnít changed the way women see me in a romantic sense, but it has loosened the pressure I put on myself, my life choices, and my social interactions. I take it for granted that women donít see me that way and proceed on with my life and working to find fulfillment in places other than a romantic relationship.

Call it a bright black pill. So far Iíve been happier with it than with anything else Iíve done. The life changes Iíve effected give me a sense of accomplishment even if they never had the desired effect when I was trying to date, and Iím not constantly grilling myself over whatís wrong with me. Itís been a long time now since I cried myself to sleep, which is something I did regularly when I was trying to date. I have my moments of intense loneliness and yearning for affection, but putting my energy and work into endeavors I can control is a distraction from it.

 
Old Yesterday, 04:24 PM
 
4,322 posts, read 4,726,157 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Was it an actual setup attempt or just a let’s hang out together thing?

I mean, I get it, it’s a dig on your ego and another confirmation of what you fear about yourself. Being rejected, ignored, unwanted, sucks. It’s going to make you miserable as long as you focus on it. I’ve found life to be a lot more fun if I’m not focused on trying to find a match. Hasn’t changed the way women see me in a romantic sense, but it has loosened the pressure I put on myself, my life choices, and my social interactions. I take it for granted that women don’t see me that way and proceed on with my life and working to find fulfillment in places other than a romantic relationship.

Call it a bright black pill. So far I’ve been happier with it than with anything else I’ve done. The life changes I’ve effected give me a sense of accomplishment even if they never had the desired effect when I was trying to date, and I’m not constantly grilling myself over what’s wrong with me. It’s been a long time now since I cried myself to sleep, which is something I did regularly when I was trying to date. I have my moments of intense loneliness and yearning for affection, but putting my energy and work into endeavors I can control is a distraction from it.
It was a setup. I’m not sure if he told her about it being a setup though. He didn’t tell me till I got to my seat. As far as concentrating on other things to not think about a relationship I do
that all the time it’s why I never hit on women or approach them because I know what the results we’ll be.

I get dragged into situations like this I didn’t ask for that further destroys my confidence with woman. I don’t think about it for awhile then a situation like comes along and says “just in case you forgot, you’re not attractive”
 
Old Yesterday, 04:55 PM
 
760 posts, read 197,192 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
It was a setup. Iím not sure if he told her about it being a setup though. He didnít tell me till I got to my seat. As far as concentrating on other things to not think about a relationship I do
that all the time itís why I never hit on women or approach them because I know what the results weíll be.


I get dragged into situations like this I didnít ask for that further destroys my confidence with woman. I donít think about it for awhile then a situation like comes along and says ďjust in case you forgot, youíre not attractiveĒ
Thatís different. There was a point in time I told myself every day in the mirror ďYouíre unattractive, and women donít want you.Ē And, my life agreed, and life was miserable because I was right. Then there was a point in time when I looked in the mirror and told myself ďYouíre not bad-looking, youíve made amazing progress, youíre trying hard, youíre a good man, sooner or later things are going to work for you.Ē And, my life didnít agree, and I was miserable because I was wrong...what I was believing wasnít matching what I was experiencing. In both cases I was focusing my life on my value to women. Whether or not I was right in assessing my value to women...high or low...is irrelevant, because thatís how I focused my life. Now I try to focus my life on ďYouíre good at your job,Ē ďPeople like and respect you,Ē ďToday weíre going to accomplish this goal,Ē (a goal not related to relationships)...things like that.

Not actively seeking a relationship doesnít mean youíre not defining yourself by your success with them, or lack thereof
 
Old Yesterday, 05:06 PM
 
4,322 posts, read 4,726,157 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
That’s different. There was a point in time I told myself every day in the mirror “You’re unattractive, and women don’t want you.” And, my life agreed, and life was miserable because I was right. Then there was a point in time when I looked in the mirror and told myself “You’re not bad-looking, you’ve made amazing progress, you’re trying hard, you’re a good man, sooner or later things are going to work for you.” And, my life didn’t agree, and I was miserable because I was wrong...what I was believing wasn’t matching what I was experiencing. In both cases I was focusing my life on my value to women. Whether or not I was right in assessing my value to women...high or low...is irrelevant, because that’s how I focused my life. Now I try to focus my life on “You’re good at your job,” “People like and respect you,” “Today we’re going to accomplish this goal,” (a goal not related to relationships)...things like that.

Not actively seeking a relationship doesn’t mean you’re not defining yourself by your success with them, or lack thereof
I hear you I’m working on that part it’s just not easy for me.

But yeah I’m done with that Tony Robbins Mod cut. people here are trying to convince me of. They’re trying to be nice I get it but they’re hollow cliche comments that mean nothing.

Last edited by PJSaturn; Today at 12:37 AM.. Reason: Inappropriate language.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:40 PM
 
328 posts, read 65,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
This coming from someone who told me to specifically target unattractive women lol
Only because you keep insisting on how unattractive you feel people consider you to be. My suspicion is you aren't anywhere near as physically unattractive as you make out or think you are.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:42 PM
 
328 posts, read 65,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
I hear you I’m working on that part it’s just not easy for me.

But yeah I’m done with that Tony Robbins [Snip.] people here are trying to convince me of. They’re trying to be nice I get it but they’re hollow cliche comments that mean nothing.
Attractiveness to the opposite sex and basing one's self esteem on it, is a trap. There is much more to life than this.

Last edited by PJSaturn; Today at 12:39 AM..
 
Old Yesterday, 05:47 PM
 
328 posts, read 65,027 times
Reputation: 651
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
I donít think inflated egos so much as a greater number of possibilities allows for more selectivity but also incurs more fatigue. Itís a system that rewards more aggressive guys (ďItís a numbers game bro, just slide right on every girlĒ), especially those with good-looking pictures (on Tinder, for instance, a guy of average attractiveness will be swiped right by less than 1% of women). Women are swarmed with connections, and guys need to become part of that swarm, be an exceptional stand-out kind of person, or get ready for months of empty in-boxes. Generally a miserable experience for all but the most attractive guys or women who are looking for quick, easy sex, and as usual you can blame the problems on the type of man who will do just about anything to get just about any girl into bed.

In my brief forays into trying to date online I tried to find women that looked like I would have some commonality with and send them a thoughtful, attemptedly humorous opener that I thought would appeal to them based on their interests. I never re-used openers, they were always between 2-4 sentences. But with my dearth of attractive characteristics, and in competition with guys sending hundreds of generic openers, my attempts were a drop in the bucket and didnít stand out in any remarkable way. The few women who responded generally lost interest very quickly due to this (or I screwed up by being a complete novice at trying to date). Iím just one message out of hundreds in their inboxes, and with nothing better to catch the eye I get lost in the shuffle.
OLD can suck, and some sites suck more than others.
 
Old Yesterday, 11:38 PM
 
4,322 posts, read 4,726,157 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Attractiveness to the opposite sex and basing one's self esteem on it, is a trap. There is much more to life than this.
Sure but we all have the basic need to want to pro create(even if we donít want kids) itís hard to completely ignore that part of life.
 
Old Today, 12:43 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,301 posts, read 15,242,889 times
Reputation: 102471
Enough already. Thread closed.

OP, you've read perhaps thousands of posts in numerous threads here from people giving you sage advice about dating and relationships. Nothing is going to change for you if you don't heed the advice and make an effort to make some changes in your life. Starting more threads in City-Data will not benefit you.
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