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Old 07-31-2019, 06:33 PM
 
328 posts, read 65,027 times
Reputation: 651

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post

If she ignores talking to any man she’s not attracted to in fear she gives off the wrong impression thats pretty weird.
It is weird and rude if that is the case. I'd rather be pleasant to someone and then say I'm not interested if they ask me out (maybe even imply that I'm seeing someone), than completely ignore them and be rude for 3 hours. This is about her, not you. As a single person, one is going to come across people one is not attracted to all the time, I think it's a pretty shoddy thing to only act like a pleasant person towards guys you want to date.

 
Old 07-31-2019, 07:04 PM
 
4,322 posts, read 4,726,157 times
Reputation: 2939
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
It is weird and rude if that is the case. I'd rather be pleasant to someone and then say I'm not interested if they ask me out (maybe even imply that I'm seeing someone), than completely ignore them and be rude for 3 hours. This is about her, not you. As a single person, one is going to come across people one is not attracted to all the time, I think it's a pretty shoddy thing to only act like a pleasant person towards guys you want to date.
Thank you yet some people are saying Iím being entitled lol.
 
Old 07-31-2019, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Youngstown, Oh.
4,902 posts, read 7,684,245 times
Reputation: 4518
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBreesGo View Post
What the girl did is rude. You don't reject guys in your social circle the way you reject some drunk, wanna-be player. That's something that I don't understand. Maybe, the woman is shy around new people. I don't know.

The thread title can also be titled I was unable to watch the movie because my VCR did not work. Relying primarily on meeting woman through your friends is so 1980s. It's something that people did before the Internet became popular.

JBT1980, I don't why you're not playing the numbers game. Nearly all the average-looking guys that are having fun dating different women talk to large numbers of women. They learned that you have to go through a bunch of no's to get a single yes. Women have more options in dating than men. That woman that rejected you might have shot you down for reasons that you have no control over. She might be emotionally unavailable, dealing with a breakup, focused on her work, or maybe she only dates guys of a certain ethnicity. Last weekend at a nightclub, I saw this cute woman follow this short, small, scrawny guy. This guy is always smiling. He plays the numbers game spammer style.On the other hand, this tall guy that is struggling with women made the same mistake again in his social circle of only hitting on the hottest woman in this room.

I'm surprised that some of the people that responded to the OP's older threads didn't notice that he wasn't talking to that many people. I wonder if they thought that he should focus on varying his open-ended questions or something.

In another thread, (Lowes) women said that it was bad/creepy to cold approach lots of women.
 
Old 07-31-2019, 07:07 PM
 
1,266 posts, read 1,309,761 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Even if you are attractive, if the person isn't into you or not wanting to be set-up or just don't want to talk, they won't want a convo.

Freedom of choice, just like you with that girl you went on a date with a couple of weeks ago.
No, this is far more common to be a "grass is greener" effect and it reeks with what I observed as "princess syndrome" than it is about freedom of choice.

While the general way for things to take off isn't and cannot be uniform, you can easily notice that you can make some people "genuinely click" with a vast majority of people in an attempt to make a lasting relationship, while some people seem to "click" with only the very narrow, specific group, if any. And this specific group usually won't find them as a good suitor for themselves. I've observed that two major factors that make "arranged setups" fail are these:
1. princess syndrome for women,
2. casanova syndrome for men.

It's very tricky to pair people off when they have unrealistic expectations/evaluations (more common with princess syndrome women) or their interest differs from what they want potential suitors and matchmakers to think (more common with the casanova syndrome guys).

Years ago my fiancee and I were matchmakers by our own and lately we happen to avoid such role by default. Our current stance is that we'll only take such role if we see a really great deal of characteristics that exclude these princesses and casanovas from utilizing us or anyone else in our friend circle from serving their own interests. Way too many of our friends and people that we know had their chance(s) and they abused it.

In order to be almost definitely sure if OP's case if the princess syndrome on this woman's part, I'd have to be the matchmaker myself, or at least more involved in the whole situation regarding them. I.e. if there's some supposed disinterest, but a woman (or man) is interested enough to see the pictures of what is supposed to be a blind date, if (s)he doesn't object to going out to what definitely is a matchmaking process of meeting this person via you for the first time .... then it's almost definitely a princess syndrome.
A casanova syndrome would rather display some specific traits as well, i.e. he'll make ugly remarks about a woman along with supposed "distaste towards her", but he'll still show up. A casanova guy is the type who hits on women and is actually using men and women around him (either failed hookups whom he can't/couldn't get laid with, or girlfriends of his guy-friends who know him) in order to attempt to land a "punt on his account", if you know what I mean!
 
Old 07-31-2019, 07:21 PM
 
328 posts, read 65,027 times
Reputation: 651
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Thank you yet some people are saying I’m being entitled lol.
You can't say for sure that she ignored you because she was not attracted to you. It's safe to say she doesn't want to date you given the way she behaved BUT in addition, she could just be a stuck up person or an asshat to most people she comes across. Either way she is rude and I think it's best not to take it too personally when dealing with people like that. I know it is easier said than done sometimes.
 
Old 07-31-2019, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Iowa
193 posts, read 42,745 times
Reputation: 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Yeah my friend I came with was on the other side of me.
She talks with her friends, you talk with your friend. Problem solved!
 
Old 07-31-2019, 08:49 PM
 
8,208 posts, read 6,068,821 times
Reputation: 5841
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
I donít think she knew. It wasnít like it was obvious there were tons of people there it wasnít like we were in a corner by ourselves.

Even if she wasnít attracted to me it wasnít like I was flirting with her I was trying to be friendly with someone I was sitting next to someone for 3 hours. Do you only talk to people youíre attracted to?

I wasnít overly attracted to her either I was trying to be nice.
Believe me, she knew.

Also, as another person said (and to the question of whether or not you only talk to people you're attracted to), you can be attractive and certain people will still not want to talk to you.


I myself will not talk to someone I'm repulsed by (for very long).

Whoa Whoa Whoa!!! Now hear me out.

There are tons of good looking people that I am repulsed by. The very thing that attracts or repels me to a person is their overall character (which I can sense). If I feel an apprehension towards you, the most you're going to get from me is politeness... if even that... okay?




*Curls up in a ball and cowers in the corner*.
 
Old 07-31-2019, 09:05 PM
 
8,208 posts, read 6,068,821 times
Reputation: 5841
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
I recall going to see a movie in which I happened to sit next to a girl who was around my age (college-aged at the time). The theater was pretty full and there weren't a lot of open seats, so she had to sit directly to my right (no buffer chair). She spent the entire movie leaned as far away from me as she could get and still look relatively normal. Made me feel even worse about myself. My therapist at the time told me to imagine reasons why she might be doing that, reasons that had nothing to do with my unattractiveness. I came up with several...temperature in the theater (and so curled up away from me for warmth) is the one I can think of off the top of my head. My therapist seemed satisfied by my effort at her exercise, but I never really believed any of the reasons I came up with for the exercise...the girl had sat next to me because the seat had been the only one open when she'd gotten there (that says something in and of itself) and she recoiled as far away from touching me as she could get because she didn't want to give a guy like me any wrong ideas by getting too close to me.


So, it can happen. Women know that socially awkward, perpetually single men tend to interpret friendliness as interest.
I say this as much to me if not more than I say this to you. Don't take every behavior of people so personally. You're only hurting yourself there.

I myself tend to be a little backed off from others, even those I find attractive. There are days where I feel icky and I just want to be away from others so I don't "contaminate" them. So if someone seems a little distant with me, I remind myself that I get a little distant with people for many different reasons including trying not to "offend" them.

Last edited by TJenkins602; 07-31-2019 at 10:07 PM..
 
Old 07-31-2019, 09:10 PM
 
8,208 posts, read 6,068,821 times
Reputation: 5841
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Of course that was the reason. Like I said she saw me and was not attracted to me most likely.

But I simply was striking up a convo to be friendly and see what happens. It didnít have to lead to anything. I was sitting next to her for three hours I figured it would be weird or awkward to say nothing regardless of who it is since were at the same party.

If she ignores talking to any man sheís not attracted to in fear she gives off the wrong impression thats pretty weird.
Weird, but I can't fault them for that. I wouldn't be surprised at any number of women who had too many experiences when someone has taken their politeness as an invitation. Even I myself (when I was a lot younger) didn't know to differentiate between politeness, friendliness and an invitation. So I can understand this behavior.
 
Old 07-31-2019, 09:12 PM
 
2,171 posts, read 1,715,389 times
Reputation: 2734
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post
Thank you yet some people are saying Iím being entitled lol.
Well, I think context matters a bit here.
If you were two random strangers and you made a friendly remark (clearly without intent/purpose for romantic inquiry) about some shared temporary hardship you both were suffering (say a rude DMV employee), then I might move closer (not all the way) to your position. But, your situation was different. It's possible that she was "paired-up" as a single person without her choosing to be "matched". Where the conversation between you two had at least a partial intent of exploring possibility of a relationship. The context is totally different and you can't realistically expect same response from her, even if she had same non romantic feeling towards you.
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