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Old Yesterday, 03:18 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,245 posts, read 4,679,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Technology has made many things easier but there are other things that are better off left as it is. Do you think its better to meet people face to face and with time make arrangements to go out if both like each other or do you prefer online dating sites?
Online. Hands down. No competition. It’s the only method I used, though pre modern dating sites I used AOL and such and viewed people’s profiles and met them in chat rooms. It’s my preferred method of screening and filtering potential interests and knowing from the get-go where we line up. This was especially true when I started dating again toward the end of my first marriage. I had three kids and didn’t have a social life in the area I was in and virtually all of my friends were married women. Meetups could be fun, but most of my meetup groups attracted people who fell outside my chosen demographic — mostly women, college-age men, older couples and men, married men and women, or families — parenting oriented groups.

Relying on the cold approach or meeting out in the wild was basically going in blind and could be too costly over a long period of time. A three hour date put me back $40+ for a sitter and my half if the meal of the date didn’t insist on paying. And if there are immediate dealbreakers or non-starters it ends up being a waste of everyone’s time, energy, and money. So, to avoid going in blind, dating sites were a convenient yet efficient and effective tool as you get vital information right from the start and then some if they’re the type to create very informative and engaging bios. This allowed me to flesh out and filter my pool of potential matches. I could narrow it down by preferred age range, which was 35-44, religious background (not religious), educational attainment, lifestyle habits, interests, height, and other parameters. I prioritized my search results on OKC based on match % so it showed me my highest rated matches based on the answers to the exhaustive survey (unless they were new members, I pretty much exclusively interacted with men who answered at least 500 questions, though serious matches answered 1000+.) There’s also a wider pool of available people at your fingertips. Because if you really think about it, if you’re not meeting in high school, college, church, friends, work, and say you’re returning to the dating scene after being out for a decade plus, how many *available* men or women are you going to come across in your day to day activities? How many of those people are in your preferred demographics? How many are you attracted to?

Before we even get to the talking stage, I know how we line up and whether there’s baseline compatibility. I didn’t have the time, patience, energy to expend by going in completely blind and winging it for weeks or months and hoping there’s even marginal compatibility and then realizing weeks or months in that it was a non-starter.

Quote:
I can see how online dating sites can make things easier for some. You upload your profile and picture hoping you get some people to contact you and arrange to meet. Somehow, it seems to be some sort of blind date. You get to meet someone who you’ve only seen on pictures and you don’t know if those pictures were taken when they were 21 and in good shape or if they were photoshopped. The profile might say they are great people when they are not or they may not say a lot and then turns out they are great people.

Not saying meeting someone face to face or being introduced to someone is a guaranteed successful relationship but wouldn’t that be a less risky way to date?
How is this any different than meeting at a social event and realizing the individual misrepresented themselves, their marital status, job, life, etc. Or, meeting someone the “old fashioned” way and realizing they’re manipulative asshats or some other unhealthy behaviors and attitudes. How would meeting face to face tell you someone isn’t lying about who they are? Like, the men who approached me at grocery stores, cafes, a bar, restaurants, etc., all could have been married. People who misrepresent themselves will do so regardless of where they come across their targets or interests.

The best thing one can do is filter, screen, be observant, and use good discernment, no matter where they meet someone. I had a very specific and carefully chosen demographic that I wouldn’t have bumped into randomly and since I didn’t have singles friends or a social circle outside parenting groups with mothers, so no opportunities to be introduced to anyone, and I wouldn’t have cared for that because I had a specific type. Not just any single man in my preferred age range.

ETA: of the 100+ dates I went on while active on dating sites, two looked noticeably different from their photos, as in, they put on 75+ lbs. But most of the men that claimed 5’10” were a bit shorter, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker for me.

Last edited by Metaphysique; Yesterday at 03:30 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Iowa
180 posts, read 40,735 times
Reputation: 285
I find online dating much more convenient than any other method. I much prefer to only ask out girls who are single and looking. If speed dating were still a thing, I guess I could do that too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Not saying meeting someone face to face or being introduced to someone is a guaranteed successful relationship but wouldn’t that be a less risky way to date?
"Risky" in what way? What's so terrible about taking someone to dinner and deciding they aren't a good match? I've had some fun times and interesting conversations on first dates that didn't pan out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
It might take more time this way at least for me as I would become friends first and after some time take the step of going out.
I don't understand "friends first"-
1. If you only try getting to know one at a time, you won't end up with many dates at all. And IMO dating is always a low-probability effort, so the numbers count.
2. If you make lots of new "friends", what happens when you ask one of them out? Do you stay friends with the others? I feel that opposite-sex friendships only work with firm boundaries and no further ambitions.

Maybe you're using the word "friends" more casually than I do. I'm not too romantic on the first few dates, because we're still pretty much strangers, but I still call it dating and the goal is to meet someone romantically.
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Old Yesterday, 04:29 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,701 posts, read 4,929,021 times
Reputation: 12677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique View Post
Online. Hands down. No competition. It’s the only method I used, though pre modern dating sites I used AOL and such and viewed people’s profiles and met them in chat rooms. It’s my preferred method of screening and filtering potential interests and knowing from the get-go where we line up. This was especially true when I started dating again toward the end of my first marriage. I had three kids and didn’t have a social life in the area I was in and virtually all of my friends were married women. Meetups could be fun, but most of my meetup groups attracted people who fell outside my chosen demographic — mostly women, college-age men, older couples and men, married men and women, or families — parenting oriented groups.

Relying on the cold approach or meeting out in the wild was basically going in blind and could be too costly over a long period of time. A three hour date put me back $40+ for a sitter and my half if the meal of the date didn’t insist on paying. And if there are immediate dealbreakers or non-starters it ends up being a waste of everyone’s time, energy, and money. So, to avoid going in blind, dating sites were a convenient yet efficient and effective tool as you get vital information right from the start and then some if they’re the type to create very informative and engaging bios. This allowed me to flesh out and filter my pool of potential matches. I could narrow it down by preferred age range, which was 35-44, religious background (not religious), educational attainment, lifestyle habits, interests, height, and other parameters. I prioritized my search results on OKC based on match % so it showed me my highest rated matches based on the answers to the exhaustive survey (unless they were new members, I pretty much exclusively interacted with men who answered at least 500 questions, though serious matches answered 1000+.) There’s also a wider pool of available people at your fingertips. Because if you really think about it, if you’re not meeting in high school, college, church, friends, work, and say you’re returning to the dating scene after being out for a decade plus, how many *available* men or women are you going to come across in your day to day activities? How many of those people are in your preferred demographics? How many are you attracted to?

Before we even get to the talking stage, I know how we line up and whether there’s baseline compatibility. I didn’t have the time, patience, energy to expend by going in completely blind and winging it for weeks or months and hoping there’s even marginal compatibility and then realizing weeks or months in that it was a non-starter.



How is this any different than meeting at a social event and realizing the individual misrepresented themselves, their marital status, job, life, etc. Or, meeting someone the “old fashioned” way and realizing they’re manipulative asshats or some other unhealthy behaviors and attitudes. How would meeting face to face tell you someone isn’t lying about who they are? Like, the men who approached me at grocery stores, cafes, a bar, restaurants, etc., all could have been married. People who misrepresent themselves will do so regardless of where they come across their targets or interests.

The best thing one can do is filter, screen, be observant, and use good discernment, no matter where they meet someone. I had a very specific and carefully chosen demographic that I wouldn’t have bumped into randomly and since I didn’t have singles friends or a social circle outside parenting groups with mothers, so no opportunities to be introduced to anyone, and I wouldn’t have cared for that because I had a specific type. Not just any single man in my preferred age range.

ETA: of the 100+ dates I went on while active on dating sites, two looked noticeably different from their photos, as in, they put on 75+ lbs. But most of the men that claimed 5’10” were a bit shorter, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker for me.
I was waiting for you to come in and shut it down.

Go off sis.

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Old Yesterday, 04:31 PM
 
9,455 posts, read 9,301,736 times
Reputation: 11941
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Technology has made many things easier but there are other things that are better off left as it is. Do you think its better to meet people face to face and with time make arrangements to go out if both like each other or do you prefer online dating sites?

I can see how online dating sites can make things easier for some. You upload your profile and picture hoping you get some people to contact you and arrange to meet. Somehow, it seems to be some sort of blind date. You get to meet someone who you’ve only seen on pictures and you don’t know if those pictures were taken when they were 21 and in good shape or if they were photoshopped. The profile might say they are great people when they are not or they may not say a lot and then turns out they are great people.

Not saying meeting someone face to face or being introduced to someone is a guaranteed successful relationship but wouldn’t that be a less risky way to date?
Well, I guess it's "convenient" if you mean it's handy for lazy people and cowards.
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Old Yesterday, 04:37 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,701 posts, read 4,929,021 times
Reputation: 12677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Well, I guess it's "convenient" if you mean it's handy for lazy people and cowards.
Pretty ignorant and uninformed assumption...

But okie doke.
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Old Yesterday, 04:49 PM
 
7,587 posts, read 2,992,664 times
Reputation: 12562
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Technology has made many things easier but there are other things that are better off left as it is. Do you think its better to meet people face to face and with time make arrangements to go out if both like each other or do you prefer online dating sites?

I can see how online dating sites can make things easier for some. You upload your profile and picture hoping you get some people to contact you and arrange to meet. Somehow, it seems to be some sort of blind date. You get to meet someone who you’ve only seen on pictures and you don’t know if those pictures were taken when they were 21 and in good shape or if they were photoshopped. The profile might say they are great people when they are not or they may not say a lot and then turns out they are great people.

Not saying meeting someone face to face or being introduced to someone is a guaranteed successful relationship but wouldn’t that be a less risky way to date?
On the site I use, in order to get 'verified' one has to take a real time pic with their phone and no filter. Then a check mark next to it shows it has been 'verified'. I can usually ask some questions to find out how honest a person is, because I already know the answer.

With that said, there still is no replacing in-person chemistry, and that is difficult for some of us to find. Worth waiting for though, I'm in no hurry and don't have a deadline. It's really all just one dating experience. If a particular person makes me see things a different way, or wants something else I find reasonable, I would stop dating. Otherwise yes, it's convenient.
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Old Today, 05:33 AM
 
2,085 posts, read 573,015 times
Reputation: 1356
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique View Post
Online. Hands down. No competition. It’s the only method I used, though pre modern dating sites I used AOL and such and viewed people’s profiles and met them in chat rooms. It’s my preferred method of screening and filtering potential interests and knowing from the get-go where we line up. This was especially true when I started dating again toward the end of my first marriage. I had three kids and didn’t have a social life in the area I was in and virtually all of my friends were married women.
I wouldn't go as far as to say that online dating is the end-all, be-all option as opposed to meeting people socially and organically, ie friends, college classes, etc.


Quote:
Meetups could be fun, but most of my meetup groups attracted people who fell outside my chosen demographic — mostly women, college-age men, older couples and men, married men and women, or families — parenting oriented groups.
Depends on the Meetup, we have a few singles-focused Meetup groups around here, so that way you don't see a pretty lady and boom, your husband shows up next to her or hubby is at home because he's unsociable and doesn't like people.


Quote:
Relying on the cold approach or meeting out in the wild was basically going in blind and could be too costly over a long period of time. A three hour date put me back $40+ for a sitter and my half if the meal of the date didn’t insist on paying. And if there are immediate dealbreakers or non-starters it ends up being a waste of everyone’s time, energy, and money.
It can be just as costly to take someone out you met online than having met them in person. Not sure how you came up with that. Take them out, pay 40+ bucks, you think things went well..they agree to a 2nd date, and boom, they ghost you.

Quote:
So, to avoid going in blind, dating sites were a convenient yet efficient and effective tool as you get vital information right from the start and then some if they’re the type to create very informative and engaging bios. This allowed me to flesh out and filter my pool of potential matches.
Well, there are some things that will just simply people will leave out of their profile or keep tucked away like some mental issue for instance. I mean no one in their profile is going to say, "I have bipolar disorder" or that they've been married 3 times right IN their profile. Some feel it's best to save that for phone conversation or the first date. If they are really smart (sarcasm) they won't say anything at all until they have their first lash out. lol



Quote:
I could narrow it down by preferred age range, which was 35-44, religious background (not religious), educational attainment, lifestyle habits, interests, height, and other parameters.
Sure...this is understandable. Smoking/non-smoking is a biggie.

I recall someone saying in their profile, "If you're a pop culture junkie, this will likely not work" as she was into more art, opera, crafts, etc. I recall a woman said she envied me for the ability to sit 2 hours through a movie...and I am like "Yeah, me and other millions of people that like to watch movies". Some antsy people apparently hate movies or can't sit through them...who knew, right? lol

Quote:
I prioritized my search results on OKC based on match % so it showed me my highest rated matches based on the answers to the exhaustive survey (unless they were new members, I pretty much exclusively interacted with men who answered at least 500 questions, though serious matches answered 1000+.)
Wow, you put a lot of merit into the OKC malarkey survey? I stopped after 100 questions, but hey...and if I saw 90%, that was enough. Plus the questions were getting way too intrusive, granted I answered probably between a good 100 to 150. Not sure what kind person has the time to answer 1000+ of them though...only to be ignored regardless. Again who has that kind of time?

It's moot, that's why I dumped OKC and went to sites like Match


Quote:
How is this any different than meeting at a social event and realizing the individual misrepresented themselves, their marital status, job, life, etc. Or, meeting someone the “old fashioned” way and realizing they’re manipulative asshats or some other unhealthy behaviors and attitudes. How would meeting face to face tell you someone isn’t lying about who they are? Like, the men who approached me at grocery stores, cafes, a bar, restaurants, etc., all could have been married. People who misrepresent themselves will do so regardless of where they come across their targets or interests.
I've heard tons of complaints of MARRIED men on dating sites, posing as single men. Could happen in both venues. Probably easier to get away with it online. I knew of a guy that was married had 3 different girlfriends in 3 different areas in opposite directions from where he lives. A married man could easily do this, too.

Quote:
The best thing one can do is filter, screen, be observant, and use good discernment, no matter where they meet someone. I had a very specific and carefully chosen demographic that I wouldn’t have bumped into randomly and since I didn’t have singles friends or a social circle outside parenting groups with mothers, so no opportunities to be introduced to anyone, and I wouldn’t have cared for that because I had a specific type. Not just any single man in my preferred age range.

ETA: of the 100+ dates I went on while active on dating sites, two looked noticeably different from their photos, as in, they put on 75+ lbs. But most of the men that claimed 5’10” were a bit shorter, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker for me.
Well, I guess you're forgiving when it comes to height, because most women claimed to have walked out once they've noticed the ht. was a lie.

Sure it's convenient, but outside of ignoring the emails you send out to be ignored, the ones that do respond...it's like pulling teeth to get you to meet them or they tap dance around meeting.

A major complaint I am hearing is how people wind up being texting buddies or pen pals without ever getting out to meeting in person. More of an ego boost for some really. For that dopamine rush.

Quote:
With that said, there still is no replacing in-person chemistry, and that is difficult for some of us to find. Worth waiting for though, I'm in no hurry and don't have a deadline. It's really all just one dating experience. If a particular person makes me see things a different way, or wants something else I find reasonable, I would stop dating. Otherwise yes, it's convenient.
Amen on the inperson chemistry. I think some people put way too much stock in online dating as being top dog with the way our parents met. I knew of a woman that wound up meeting a guy that didn't quite meet her criteria, and she fell for him. It seems people are more concerned with logistics than feelings when encountering someone. SOme have compromised on a standard or 2 when that person charmed tthe heck out of them.

If you think about it, ONLINE dating just adds another LAYER to how we used to do things.
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Old Today, 06:37 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,861 posts, read 2,059,821 times
Reputation: 3299
Every single one of my friends out here that got married since my divorce, which was now going on ten years, has met their spouse online. I can count on one hand, the people I know totally who have met their partner someplace in person. For many people, especially those who have kids, it's very difficult to make time to just go and meet people and hope that a spark happens, so having an online profile is a big help, if they are looking for a partner. And, even though it isn't perfect, you can specifically find someone that has the same interests as you. Sure you can meet someone at the grocery store, but if there are particular things you are passionate about, chances of you finding that person offline are very slim.




Online dating is not the be all end all, it's just another way for people to meet other people. The platforms for the different dating sites just provide an outlet for folks to find the type of person that fits whatever parameters they are looking for. The success or failure of the sites IS THE PEOPLE ON THE SITE! The same people you will run into, in the so called real world. If you don't vibe with anyone online within 50 miles of you, chances are if you were to meet them in person first, you wouldn't vibe with them either. There is no magic place that works for every single person. If you have more success in bars, or meetup groups, stick with it. Save the space on your phone and leave those apps alone. No need to crap on the people who are using them and are being successful using them. So many people complain about online dating, make videos about how Tinder sucks, POF is crap, Match is a waste of money, instead of realizing the common denominator in their failure to find anyone is themselves.


So if you are a person that feels meeting people offline works best. Do that. Keep having it work for you, but don't act like there are not millions of people finding what they are looking for by doing online dating
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Old Today, 07:07 AM
 
1,947 posts, read 829,169 times
Reputation: 2128
OLD is a convenient waste of time. How could OLD be more convenient than you randomly meeting a woman and instantly talking to them in person and seeing them in person? With OLD you have to send messages, connect with them, chat with them for weeks, hope they follow through and meet, and then it usually doesn't work out due to lack of chemistry and attraction. Its a huge waste of time.

Last edited by Berteau; Today at 08:00 AM..
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Old Today, 07:21 AM
 
2,085 posts, read 573,015 times
Reputation: 1356
I had a couple of women, though responsive and corresponding, when I mentioned meeting, they'd use a stalling tactic. The ol', "I'll be out of town for a week, but when I get back, I should be good to go". Then a week passes, "Sorry, things are pretty hectic this week, but next week, I should be good".

Dangling the carrot as I call it.
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