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Old Today, 07:28 AM
 
2,087 posts, read 573,015 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
Every single one of my friends out here that got married since my divorce, which was now going on ten years, has met their spouse online. I can count on one hand, the people I know totally who have met their partner someplace in person. For many people, especially those who have kids, it's very difficult to make time to just go and meet people and hope that a spark happens, so having an online profile is a big help, if they are looking for a partner. And, even though it isn't perfect, you can specifically find someone that has the same interests as you. Sure you can meet someone at the grocery store, but if there are particular things you are passionate about, chances of you finding that person offline are very slim.
Well, that's good for them I suppose. I don't doubt people meet this way since online dating is not uncommon. Though I have people that won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. I got a male friend that hangs out at local places and he's the kind of guy that will strike up conversations with the people around him, including women.

I asked him if he ever done online dating, and hes like "N o way, don't need to"

I recall asking him about asking for a woman's #...and he said, "I cannot remember the last time I asked for a woman's #, they always gave me theirs".

He's a good looking guy, so go figure. Apparently he's a commonly recognized face in this po-dunk area that online dating is alien to him. He sometimes jokes about how he doesn't know if he's fathered a kid or not (sleeps around).


Quote:
Online dating is not the be all end all, it's just another way for people to meet other people. The platforms for the different dating sites just provide an outlet for folks to find the type of person that fits whatever parameters they are looking for. The success or failure of the sites IS THE PEOPLE ON THE SITE! The same people you will run into, in the so called real world. If you don't vibe with anyone online within 50 miles of you, chances are if you were to meet them in person first, you wouldn't vibe with them either. There is no magic place that works for every single person. If you have more success in bars, or meetup groups, stick with it. Save the space on your phone and leave those apps alone. No need to crap on the people who are using them and are being successful using them. So many people complain about online dating, make videos about how Tinder sucks, POF is crap, Match is a waste of money, instead of realizing the common denominator in their failure to find anyone is themselves.


So if you are a person that feels meeting people offline works best. Do that. Keep having it work for you, but don't act like there are not millions of people finding what they are looking for by doing online dating
One thing about Meetups or just meeting people in person via a friends BBQ or social gathering at their house, you don't have to worry about being ignored or "deleted". Unless they are a complete, impolite snob, they have no choice but to converse with you.

So you have a chance to sell yourself. Some people don't want to date within Meetup, because of the drama.

Of course, people can always come up with excuses NOT to do something.

Also, they may look great...on paper (the profile), but there's nothing beating a real life encounter. I am not sure why people defend online dating.
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Old Today, 07:30 AM
 
7,587 posts, read 2,992,664 times
Reputation: 12562
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berteau View Post
OLD is a convenient waste of time. How could OLD be more convenient than you randomly meeting a woman and instantly talking to them in person and seeing them in person? With OLD you have to chat with them for weeks, hope they follow through and meet, and then it usually doesn't work out due to lack of chemistry and attraction. Its a huge waste of time.
You are no fun at all.
First, don’t ever “talk for weeks” without meeting irl. It builds up all this: “We really get along great! I like chatting with you! This is going to be a hit!” Kind of sentiment. Great, until you meet and one of you isn’t feeling it anymore. Big let down. Unless you’re only looking for communication at a distance, keep it to under a week. If you can’t find time to meet in a week, well one of you isn’t all that interested in meeting anyone.

The other “random” thing: I meet random men all of the time, in the elevator, in line to pay at the store, waiting for someone else Im supposed to meet...it was a sure fire way for me to hit it off with a secretly married guy, or actually living in a halfway house guy, or a... you get what I mean? I meet someone after I get their number. I want to know if they’re married, have an arrest record, and are self supporting. So I’m not meeting a guy using a burner phone and won’t tell me his real name, no. I can find that on the street. This is just IME, of course.
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Old Today, 07:39 AM
 
12,507 posts, read 9,983,160 times
Reputation: 16188
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Well, I guess it's "convenient" if you mean it's handy for lazy people and cowards.
I have seen weird moral judgments around lots of behaviors. But around OLD is new to me. People are strange. Say this kind of thing on a profile. It will be nice for prospects to know!
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Old Today, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,861 posts, read 2,059,821 times
Reputation: 3304
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Well, that's good for them I suppose. I don't doubt people meet this way since online dating is not uncommon. Though I have people that won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. I got a male friend that hangs out at local places and he's the kind of guy that will strike up conversations with the people around him, including women.

I asked him if he ever done online dating, and hes like "N o way, don't need to"

I recall asking him about asking for a woman's #...and he said, "I cannot remember the last time I asked for a woman's #, they always gave me theirs".

He's a good looking guy, so go figure. Apparently he's a commonly recognized face in this po-dunk area that online dating is alien to him. He sometimes jokes about how he doesn't know if he's fathered a kid or not (sleeps around).




One thing about Meetups or just meeting people in person via a friends BBQ or social gathering at their house, you don't have to worry about being ignored or "deleted". Unless they are a complete, impolite snob, they have no choice but to converse with you.

So you have a chance to sell yourself. Some people don't want to date within Meetup, because of the drama.

Of course, people can always come up with excuses NOT to do something.

Also, they may look great...on paper (the profile), but there's nothing beating a real life encounter



Well if you are having success in anything, why would you change it up? If your friend is having that much success by just waking up and breathing, then I wouldn't expect to change anything he does, if he is happy with the results. Doesn't mean other people are not having success doing something else.


And a real life encounter can give a person the same stress, that meeting people online can give. People in face to face encounters lie, people in face to face encounters ghost people, people in face to face encounters can say anything just to get you out of their face. Oh and you're also hoping against hope that they are really single, and meet all the facets you are looking for in a person. Only thing face to face encounters guarantee is that you are TALKING to someone sooner rather than later. It's no more guarantee that you will be successful in accomplishing your goal, than doing anything else.
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Old Today, 07:49 AM
 
2,087 posts, read 573,015 times
Reputation: 1356
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
Well if you are having success in anything, why would you change it up? If your friend is having that much success by just waking up and breathing, then I wouldn't expect to change anything he does, if he is happy with the results. Doesn't mean other people are not having success doing something else.


And a real life encounter can give a person the same stress, that meeting people online can give. People in face to face encounters lie, people in face to face encounters ghost people, people in face to face encounters can say anything just to get you out of their face. Oh and you're also hoping against hope that they are really single, and meet all the facets you are looking for in a person. Only thing face to face encounters guarantee is that you are TALKING to someone sooner rather than later. It's no more guarantee that you will be successful in accomplishing your goal, than doing anything else.
I dunno, I still think there are more benefits to meeting in person and more negatives online. Not sure why people sings its praises. It allows people to be more fickle. It also causes people to not be able to form a human connection and can socially stunt people.

Online allows people to be more flaky than as you would than if you 've met them in person.
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Old Today, 07:50 AM
 
12,507 posts, read 9,983,160 times
Reputation: 16188
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I had a couple of women, though responsive and corresponding, when I mentioned meeting, they'd use a stalling tactic. The ol', "I'll be out of town for a week, but when I get back, I should be good to go". Then a week passes, "Sorry, things are pretty hectic this week, but next week, I should be good".

Dangling the carrot as I call it.
It is a matter of how you see it. For me, a response like that would make me disinterested. That is enough info for me. I call it a win.
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Old Today, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
801 posts, read 260,956 times
Reputation: 1264
See, I personally like online dating. I met my current girlfriend that way. She contacted me on the dating site (E Harmony). Our profiles matched extremely well, and both of us took the time to answer all 250+ questions (amazed to see that so many people pay all that money, but only answer a handful of them).

We messaged back and forth (thru the dating website) several times that first day. A few hours later, she gave me her text number, and we switched to texting back and forth. After 2 days, I called her in the evening (I was moving that particular weekend, so I did not have time until the Sunday night).

We hit it off fantastically. We spent 3-4 hours a night on the phone for 2 weeks straight. Because of my schedule with my son (I have him 1 week, and his mother has him the next), I could not meet her for 2 weeks.

By that point, we had spent 40 hours talking to each other on the phone. About anything and everything... It was amazing. People would probably go out for several months before they got around to talking as much as we did (when you consider eating, going places on dates, seeing a movie, etc - you would not be spending quite so much time talking because you would be doing other things).

I saw her again 2 weeks later... And in that time, we spent another 40 hours or so speaking on the phone nightly. Up until 1am most times.

So, in the first month, before the second date - we had talked for about 80 hours total. We just clicked, and never ran out of things to talk about.

She is a US citizen now, but she is from Russia originally. We are the same age, and it was fascinating to hear what life was like for her in the 1980s (when we were teens) compared to how it was for me here in the USA at that same time period.

I've been dating her for 2.5 years now. By doing all that talking in the very beginning, we already knew so much about each other. The 1st date went fantastic because of it. We were also a lot more relaxed around each other, because we did not feel like total strangers.

She lives 3 hours away. I will admit that if she were local, I probably would not have waited the full 2 weeks to meet her in the beginning. That actually was torture waiting the 2 weeks to meet her in person for the first time. But, it actually worked out great. It made the in-person date for the first 2 times go much, much easier.

And, I already knew that we clicked and how awesome she was.

Now, I have tried online dating before. It doesn't always work out. But, instead of just looking at pretty photos and emailing 100 women until 1 writes ya back (because pretty women can get hundreds of messages from men) - I really liked the way that EHarmony worked. You only get like 5 matches a day. And, it showed compatibility numbers. Plus, you can go ready all their answers to the over 200 questioned.

A friend of mine also met his wife thru eharmony... Actually, on the last week of his membership.

Last edited by MisterShipWreck; Today at 08:11 AM..
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Old Today, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,861 posts, read 2,059,821 times
Reputation: 3304
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I dunno, I still think there are more benefits to meeting in person and more negatives online. Not sure why people sings its praises. It allows people to be more fickle. It also causes people to not be able to form a human connection and can socially stunt people.

Online allows people to be more flaky than as you would than if you 've met them in person.



People sing it's praises because it has worked for them. They have gotten dates, they have gotten relationships, all from online dating. And for the record I used to do online dating but not anymore, because FOR ME, it got me dates, but unfortunately not a real long standing relationship. But I would never say it doesn't work and no one should use it, or it's so awful and everyone on there is so bad, because that just wouldn't be true at all.


And people are can be no nicer in person than they can be online, but at the end of the day. If you feel you are more successful meeting people in person, than DO THAT. Just because online doesn't work for you, is no reason to not acknowledge other people's success on it.
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Old Today, 08:06 AM
 
12,507 posts, read 9,983,160 times
Reputation: 16188
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I dunno, I still think there are more benefits to meeting in person and more negatives online. Not sure why people sings its praises. It allows people to be more fickle. It also causes people to not be able to form a human connection and can socially stunt people.

Online allows people to be more flaky than as you would than if you 've met them in person.
It allows me to be me. I don't want some behavior modifier or behavior control freak. If they need to be disallowed from being flakey to control that behavior, then I don't want to go out with them anyway. Finding out quickly in this manner is good for me.

My goal is not to "get a date". I am a woman. And being real, women have an easy time "getting" dates for the most part. I want to find a person or people that I am genuinely compatible with and interested in. If your profile says God is "extremely important" to you, you and I will not get along. If you are born again christian, you and I will not get along. If you start hounding me to meet, or ask for nudes before we have ven barely started talking, you and I will not get along. I like this. I have a happy life that I am meaning to augment with good times. But I would rather stay home with my remarkably awesome dog than go out on a date just for the sake of being on a "date".
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Old Today, 08:13 AM
 
2,087 posts, read 573,015 times
Reputation: 1356
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck View Post

Now, I have tried online dating before. It doesn't always work out. But, instead of just looking at pretty photos and emailing 100 women until 1 writes ya back (because pretty women can get hundreds of messages from men) - I really liked the way that EHarmony worked. You only get like 5 matches a day. And, it showed compatibility numbers. Plus, you can go ready all their answers to the over 200 questioned.

A friend of mine also met his wife thru eharmony... Actually, on the last week of his membership.
I don't COMPLETELY poo-poo it as some people has had success. But maybe there's an ebb and flow and timing. LIke you may go a whole year of online dating to have every email ignored. But the next year may be better.

Some have said to delete profiles after a while, and re-upload and entirely new thing.

Anyways, there was a time where I didn't send emails left and right, and I think many men where more discerning about who they emailed, reading their profiles, looking for key buzzwords and specifics to see if you matched in interests, beliefs, politics, etc.

If I would see an uncanny match, esp. in the realm of sci-fi and geeky interests, I was like "WINNER!" and contact them.

I'd normally skip over the rather vanilla, "I love to laugh, life's too short to sweat the small stuff, and 'dance like no one's watching" cliche'd profiles that aren't too specific and listed things that MOST people, in life, want in a partner...like a guy that can make them laugh and a "nice guy/gentleman".

Now men are discovering that if they email whom they thought was a perfect match, and them not getting responses...over time, this evolved them into just using the shot gun approach and emailing pretty much any pretty, or just average looking face, woman...with a rather ordinary profile.

They figured that they'd just not give a crap about what's in the description and just email them to see if they respond and then it would be in the dialogue exchange they could get a feel of each other instead. If they were ignored, then there was no feeling of real investment as compared to the investment of crafting a nicely, specific email to said woman they thought was a good match based on the profile write-up.
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