U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 08:15 AM
 
2,087 posts, read 573,015 times
Reputation: 1356

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It allows me to be me. I don't want some behavior modifier or behavior control freak. If they need to be disallowed from being flakey to control that behavior, then I don't want to go out with them anyway. Finding out quickly in this manner is good for me.

My goal is not to "get a date". I am a woman. And being real, women have an easy time "getting" dates for the most part. I want to find a person or people that I am genuinely compatible with and interested in. If your profile says God is "extremely important" to you, you and I will not get along. If you are born again christian, you and I will not get along. If you start hounding me to meet, or ask for nudes before we have ven barely started talking, you and I will not get along. I like this. I have a happy life that I am meaning to augment with good times. But I would rather stay home with my remarkably awesome dog than go out on a date just for the sake of being on a "date".
You'd be surprised on Christian men contacting these Christian women. "God is extremely important to me...oh, and you must be 6 feet tall!" lol Still can be a deal breaker.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 08:28 AM
 
12,508 posts, read 9,983,160 times
Reputation: 16188
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I don't COMPLETELY poo-poo it as some people has had success. But maybe there's an ebb and flow and timing. LIke you may go a whole year of online dating to have every email ignored.
Here is one hard truth that a lot of people have a hard time accepting. OLD is a tool that makes an introduction. The introduction is not a promise. There are a lot of truisms uttered around dating intended to soothe people's feelings. Everyone deserves love. There is someone for everyone. But the hard fact is, if you are not getting a single reply for an entire year, it might be you. People don't want to hear that. They don't want to THINK that. It is easier to blame OLD. I mean, are they having radical success elsewhere?

Quote:

But the next year may be better.

Some have said to delete profiles after a while, and re-upload and entirely new thing.

Anyways, there was a time where I didn't send emails left and right, and I think many men where more discerning about who they emailed, reading their profiles, looking for key buzzwords and specifics to see if you matched in interests, beliefs, politics, etc.
I know. That is just crazy talk that one would have to actually read profiles. So HARD. And here is a little pro tip. Guys who win at dating don't look for key buzzwords. They understand both who they are and what they want.


Quote:
If I would see an uncanny match, esp. in the realm of sci-fi and geeky interests, I was like "WINNER!" and contact them.

I'd normally skip over the rather vanilla, "I love to laugh, life's too short to sweat the small stuff, and 'dance like no one's watching" cliche'd profiles that aren't too specific and listed things that MOST people, in life, want in a partner...like a guy that can make them laugh and a "nice guy/gentleman".

Now men are discovering that if they email whom they thought was a perfect match, and them not getting responses...over time,
Yah. It is tough that women are allowed to think for themselves and that OLD exposes that new truth so starkly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:29 AM
 
12,508 posts, read 9,983,160 times
Reputation: 16188
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
You'd be surprised on Christian men contacting these Christian women. "God is extremely important to me...oh, and you must be 6 feet tall!" lol Still can be a deal breaker.
You miss the point. The point is, profiles have INFO. Info is GOOD.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,861 posts, read 2,059,821 times
Reputation: 3309
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Here is one hard truth that a lot of people have a hard time accepting. OLD is a tool that makes an introduction. If the introduction is not a promise. There are a lot of truisms uttered around dating intended to soothe people's feelings. Everyone deserves love. There is someone for everyone. But the hard fact is, if you are not getting a single reply for an entire year, it might be you. People don't want to hear that. They don't want to THINK that. It is easier to blame OLD. I mean, are they having radical success elsewhere?


I know. That is just crazy talk that one would have to actually read profiles. So HARD. And here is a little pro tip. Guys who win at dating don't look for key buzzwords. They understand both who they are and what they want.



Yah. It is tough that women are allowed to think for themselves and that OLD exposes that new truth so starkly.


Your whole post was post on, but this bolded part needs to be archived somewhere, so people will get it and understand. OLD is simply a tool, that people use, not a magic potion. Use the tool to work for you, and if it doesn't work for you, find something else that does. That simple.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:32 AM
 
6,356 posts, read 6,125,807 times
Reputation: 3616
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle View Post
"Risky" in what way? What's so terrible about taking someone to dinner and deciding they aren't a good match? I've had some fun times and interesting conversations on first dates that didn't pan out.

That's what I meant. In person I find it less risky as I didn't like to rush things but take my time to know someone a little before arranging to go out. If things didn't work out at least I made a new friend.


Quote:
I don't understand "friends first"-
1. If you only try getting to know one at a time, you won't end up with many dates at all. And IMO dating is always a low-probability effort, so the numbers count.

Not sure about others but I am not the kind that can like and be interested in, say, 4 girls and see which one I can hit the bull's-eye and take our friendship to the next stage. Yes I have dated more than one girl in a short time but there were not really any romantic feelings from both sides and there has been case here and there where we go out as friends and then that develops into a relationship. Each case is different. I was not desperate to see how many dates I could get in a certain amount of time.


Quote:
2. If you make lots of new "friends", what happens when you ask one of them out? Do you stay friends with the others? I feel that opposite-sex friendships only work with firm boundaries and no further ambitions.

I found it easier to go out with a friend as there was no romantic pressure when going out. It was as simple as going to the mall to pick something up and then going for dinner or whatever. I could stay friends with the other girls because we didn't do anything that could be considered going beyond what friends do. If I happened to like someone more than just friends and the feeling was mutual then our focus would be towards each other. I wouldn't see anybody else from that point on. I have travelled around the world with friends before and even shared a room. We have both been respectful of our friendship. No flirting no nothing. Simple friendship, travelling the world, and that was it. There are people that think it is impossible to travel with someone of the opposite sex and share a room without something happening. I find it possible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
802 posts, read 260,956 times
Reputation: 1264
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post

Now men are discovering that if they email whom they thought was a perfect match, and them not getting responses...over time, this evolved them into just using the shot gun approach and emailing pretty much any pretty, or just average looking face, woman...with a rather ordinary profile.

They figured that they'd just not give a crap about what's in the description and just email them to see if they respond and then it would be in the dialogue exchange they could get a feel of each other instead. If they were ignored, then there was no feeling of real investment as compared to the investment of crafting a nicely, specific email to said woman they thought was a good match based on the profile write-up.
Well, I will say that almost 20 years ago, I met my last wife on Matchmaker.com (back around 2001). Back then, the profile was very short, and then some photos. Many profiles would tell you their "in box was full" - and then you could not even write to someone. After a while, I found out that this occurred after 100 messages arrived that were unread.

So, some women would join up, and in just a few days, they'd hit that 100 message limit that was there at the time. How can you stand out among 100 brand new emails?

So yes - it resulted in the shotgun approach - where you send the exact same email to every woman you try to contact. Hoping for a response... Which was hard to get when you had to stand out among 100 men. You know that they probably only looked at the first 10-20 initially.

Anyway - I really liked how eharmony does it now. I don't even know how if Matchmaker.com is still around. And, back at that time point, Match.com was the same. I do not know if Match.com NOW ask more questions now and try to match profiles like eharmony does.

By limiting you to 5 per day(on eharmony) - and adding the higher cost, I was getting people who were much more interested in finding someone. I tried Tinder around the same time as eharmony. I found that even if you started to talk with someone for a while - as soon as you talked about meeting in person, they would ghost ya. That seems to be a huge problem on there, as I read many women's profiles who would complain about that very thing, and that would be listed in their profile. Later, I found out that many times it was women in relationships who would often make a profile as an ego boost, with no intention of ever meeting up. I had read a few articles about that issue.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:34 AM
 
12,508 posts, read 9,983,160 times
Reputation: 16188
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
That's what I meant. In person I find it less risky as I didn't like to rush things but take my time to know someone a little before arranging to go out. If things didn't work out at least I made a new friend.
This is a perfectly awesome approach. But what I don't understand is the risk. What are you risking?



Quote:
Not sure about others but I am not the kind that can like and be interested in, say, 4 girls and see which one I can hit the bull's-eye and take our friendship to the next stage.
So?

I mean you do you, if that is working for you. Just curious cuz this makes no sense to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
802 posts, read 260,956 times
Reputation: 1264
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
Your whole post was post on, but this bolded part needs to be archived somewhere, so people will get it and understand. OLD is simply a tool, that people use, not a magic potion. Use the tool to work for you, and if it doesn't work for you, find something else that does. That simple.
True, but there are ways to try and make your profile more interesting - to GET people to write to you or reply.

I did a whole lotta reading on ways to make profiles more interesting, when I did mine. Now, there are so many opinions and online articles, and it often comes down to opinions.

But, what to say in your first message, and how to make your original profile - I did a lot of reading. That first week or two, I think I tweaked my profile 5 or 6 times a day. If I saw something interesting on someone else's profile, I might use that idea as well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,861 posts, read 2,059,821 times
Reputation: 3309
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck View Post
True, but there are ways to try and make your profile more interesting - to GET people to write to you or reply.

I did a whole lotta reading on ways to make profiles more interesting, when I did mine. Now, there are so many opinions and online articles, and it often comes down to opinions.

But, what to say in your first message, and how to make your original profile - I did a lot of reading. That first week or two, I think I tweaked my profile 5 or 6 times a day. If I saw something interesting on someone else's profile, I might use that idea as well.


I agree. I personally think if you make your profile interesting and original, you will have better results. But nothing is 100% guaranteed to work, and many people have done a lot of the things, that blogs and match makers, and others have advised, and still not had much success. So a person has to tinker and find what works for them. And then at some point you may realize it doesn't work for you at all, and may need to another avenue to find what you are looking for, which is fine too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
802 posts, read 260,956 times
Reputation: 1264
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
I agree. I personally think if you make your profile interesting and original, you will have better results. But nothing is 100% guaranteed to work, and many people have done a lot of the things, that blogs and match makers, and others have advised, and still not had much success. So a person has to tinker and find what works for them. And then at some point you may realize it doesn't work for you at all, and may need to another avenue to find what you are looking for, which is fine too.
This is true... But, I found it MUCH easier to do online dating than just to walk up to a pretty woman and try to think of something to say to break the ice. Right on the spot.

With online dating - everyone is there for the same thing - although, in varying degrees.

But, it is true that so many people can be so picky - and photos can often be a make or break thing.

It may not work for everyone. But, I think the site you pick can also have a lot to do with your success.

The stygma of online dating is also much less now, I think. My ex wife and I had a story we told people when asked how we met. Back then, nobody wanted to admit to it.

Now, I have no problem telling people I met my girlfriend on eharmony. Of course, it's been almost 20 years since I previously used online dating
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top