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Old Yesterday, 09:03 AM
 
2,089 posts, read 574,443 times
Reputation: 1359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck View Post
Well, I will say that almost 20 years ago, I met my last wife on Matchmaker.com (back around 2001). Back then, the profile was very short, and then some photos. Many profiles would tell you their "in box was full" - and then you could not even write to someone. After a while, I found out that this occurred after 100 messages arrived that were unread.

So, some women would join up, and in just a few days, they'd hit that 100 message limit that was there at the time. How can you stand out among 100 brand new emails?

So yes - it resulted in the shotgun approach - where you send the exact same email to every woman you try to contact. Hoping for a response... Which was hard to get when you had to stand out among 100 men. You know that they probably only looked at the first 10-20 initially.

Anyway - I really liked how eharmony does it now. I don't even know how if Matchmaker.com is still around. And, back at that time point, Match.com was the same. I do not know if Match.com NOW ask more questions now and try to match profiles like eharmony does.

By limiting you to 5 per day(on eharmony) - and adding the higher cost, I was getting people who were much more interested in finding someone. I tried Tinder around the same time as eharmony. I found that even if you started to talk with someone for a while - as soon as you talked about meeting in person, they would ghost ya. That seems to be a huge problem on there, as I read many women's profiles who would complain about that very thing, and that would be listed in their profile. Later, I found out that many times it was women in relationships who would often make a profile as an ego boost, with no intention of ever meeting up. I had read a few articles about that issue.
The bolded, yeah I used to do that...but then got wise and did a copy/paste introductory sentence or paragraph, followed by a personalized paragraph referring to their profile specifics.
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Old Yesterday, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
805 posts, read 260,956 times
Reputation: 1265
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
The bolded, yeah I used to do that...but then got wise and did a copy/paste introductory sentence or paragraph, followed by a personalized paragraph referring to their profile specifics.
Well, I actually met my last wife because I sent 2 emails/messages to her initially. I had copied and pasted the same message to several women. And after I had sent several messages out - I saw something I wanted to change/something I had left out. So, I sent a 2nd email to clarify something (it has been so long that I don't remember what it was).

Anyway - for whatever reason - 2 messages from the same person caught her attention. We later got married for 15 years. Of course, it ended in misery, so who knows if that was luck or not - hahaha.

But - sometimes it can be some strange thing that makes a person stand out among the crowd.
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Old Yesterday, 09:10 AM
 
2,089 posts, read 574,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
I agree. I personally think if you make your profile interesting and original, you will have better results. But nothing is 100% guaranteed to work, and many people have done a lot of the things, that blogs and match makers, and others have advised, and still not had much success.
Yeah, define "interesting" define " original", for hundreds of people looking at your profile. what may be "interesting" to one person, may not be to the next. It's not a static environment.

Speaking of matchmakers, I have known professional matchmakers to throw up their arms in disgust to how overly picky most of her women clients were. I recall a matchmaker finding a guy that was just perfect for a woman client, called her in, and gave her the details. There was only one minor thing that didn't meet this woman's long laundry list of criteria. He was 2-inches shorter than what she wanted.

This woman was like "NOPE! Not giving it a shot!". The matchmaker gave her a reality check and said "Listen, you really cannot afford to be THIS picky. Why not give it a shot. Meet with him and go from there.


The client was like "Nope" and walked out of her office.
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Old Yesterday, 09:11 AM
 
6,358 posts, read 6,128,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I had a couple of women, though responsive and corresponding, when I mentioned meeting, they'd use a stalling tactic. The ol', "I'll be out of town for a week, but when I get back, I should be good to go". Then a week passes, "Sorry, things are pretty hectic this week, but next week, I should be good".

Dangling the carrot as I call it.
Happened to me before but it wasn't online. We would hang out with friends and go out as a group. Asked her if she would be available for the weekend to go out and she told me she would be busy. Asked her again a week or two later and same thing, she had things to do. If she wanted to go out with me she would make some effort to make time and go out with me so I took it as that. She doesn't like me the same way I like her. This sucks. I'll shake the dust off and move on. At least we are friends. Later on she called me and asked if I would be available for the weekend but I had to work. Time passed and she asked again. This time it was me who was busy. She then told me straight out she wanted to see me and if we could meet after work. So we started going out. I somehow feel that if someone just tells you “I am busy…I work that day…” and leaves it like that then it doesn’t feel like that person is really interested in going out unless it was something like “I am busy until X time, want to meet then?...I am busy this Saturday, but hey, want to do something on Sunday?” or whatever. They’ll do the effort to go out.
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Old Yesterday, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,654 posts, read 24,258,934 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Yeah, define "interesting" define " original", for hundreds of people looking at your profile. what may be "interesting" to one person, may not be to the next. It's not a static environment.
.
Isn't that the point, though? You want to stand out to the people who would find you the most interesting (and vice versa.) If someone reads your profile and passes you by because they don't think they'll click with you, that's good.
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Old Yesterday, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
805 posts, read 260,956 times
Reputation: 1265
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Yeah, define "interesting" define " original", for hundreds of people looking at your profile. what may be "interesting" to one person, may not be to the next. It's not a static environment.

Speaking of matchmakers, I have known professional matchmakers to throw up their arms in disgust to how overly picky most of her women clients were. I recall a matchmaker finding a guy that was just perfect for a woman client, called her in, and gave her the details. There was only one minor thing that didn't meet this woman's long laundry list of criteria. He was 2-inches shorter than what she wanted.

This woman was like "NOPE! Not giving it a shot!". The matchmaker gave her a reality check and said "Listen, you really cannot afford to be THIS picky. Why not give it a shot. Meet with him and go from there.


The client was like "Nope" and walked out of her office.
It IS true - some people CAN be too picky. I have been guilty of this myself (years ago). Back when I met my last wife, I think I was more interested in finding someone that was as pretty as a model. Well, I did find that - but that ended up being all there was after a while.

You don't have to "settle," - But why not be less picky and just give someone a shot. Ya never know what might happen.
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Old Yesterday, 09:17 AM
 
6,358 posts, read 6,128,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
This is a perfectly awesome approach. But what I don't understand is the risk. What are you risking?
I said that I preferred to know someone a little more before arranging to go out instead of risking going out on a blind date and find out half way through the date activity that I rather would have stayed home.

Quote:
So?

I mean you do you, if that is working for you. Just curious cuz this makes no sense to me.
He said that if I only focused on one girl I wouldn’t get many dates so I replied saying I didn’t date a lot of girls to see which one I would hit it off with. When I was single I could date a girl or two in a certain time, no problem, but I would prefer to focus on the one I liked the most.
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Old Yesterday, 09:19 AM
 
2,089 posts, read 574,443 times
Reputation: 1359
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck View Post
Well, I actually met my last wife because I sent 2 emails/messages to her initially. I had copied and pasted the same message to several women. And after I had sent several messages out - I saw something I wanted to change/something I had left out. So, I sent a 2nd email to clarify something (it has been so long that I don't remember what it was).

Anyway - for whatever reason - 2 messages from the same person caught her attention. We later got married for 15 years. Of course, it ended in misery, so who knows if that was luck or not - hahaha.

But - sometimes it can be some strange thing that makes a person stand out among the crowd.
Oh yeah I have found sending a follow-up sometimes works, because emails can get lost in the 100s of in her inbox.
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Old Yesterday, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
805 posts, read 260,956 times
Reputation: 1265
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post



He said that if I only focused on one girl I wouldn’t get many dates so I replied saying I didn’t date a lot of girls to see which one I would hit it off with. When I was single I could date a girl or two in a certain time, no problem, but I would prefer to focus on the one I liked the most.
See, to me, going out with more than 1 girl at a time doesn't seem right to me. And, then I would also worry - what do I do if I like them both.

In the 2 weeks I spoke with my girlfriend, before we met for the 1st time, I had a few other women contact me. We hit it off so well on the phone that I decided to not bother with anyone else until I met her and saw how things went.

I am the type to never cheat - and to even go out with multiple people initially seems strange to me. I'd have to call it quits with someone before I went out with another woman.
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Old Yesterday, 09:28 AM
 
12,522 posts, read 9,988,871 times
Reputation: 16199
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
I said that I preferred to know someone a little more before arranging to go out instead of risking going out on a blind date and find out half way through the date activity that I rather would have stayed home.
I missed that. Thanks for clarifying. Or in case of this dumb bunny, straight up repeating. I feel the same way. For ME, that is actually the appeal of OLD. Different strokes.

Quote:
He said that if I only focused on one girl I wouldn’t get many dates so I replied saying I didn’t date a lot of girls to see which one I would hit it off with. When I was single I could date a girl or two in a certain time, no problem, but I would prefer to focus on the one I liked the most.
Is that working well for you? That's cool.
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