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Old Yesterday, 02:48 PM
 
846 posts, read 203,808 times
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each person is an individual, influenced by their beliefs about relationships, more or less. it seems wise to just take yr time *really* getting to know someone, male or female, and just find out if words & actions match consistently enough to make sense for a relationship.



too much "all men are like this" or "all women are like this" culturally already. better to have a solid relationship with yrself and make sure the other person does too because "believing in their potential" is not the same thing as actually wanting to do the work for a meaningful, accountable, responsible relationship. they need to be that way *already* so what's left is two whole people sharing voluntarily, not co-dependently, in the long-term.


relationships are never a "quick fix" or substitute for personal responsibility, and sometimes that just means "Now that i know more about this issue, i need to find someone more compatible, and you are free to find someone who wants what you want as well".


no point in 'holding out' for something that doesn't exist.
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Old Yesterday, 03:01 PM
 
540 posts, read 323,596 times
Reputation: 433
Yes having a way to be self supporting and not have to depend on a guy is a must.

I think a lot of women can be in denial too. Their spidey sense tingles but they dont want to believe it. They convince themselves out of it. Its not to blame them but to empower them to never be in a situation where they cant survive without the guy.

There are good men who have morals and would never take advantage of that situation. But the state our society is in now, those men are rare. If someone finds one she is very lucky and good for her. She must have many good qualities herself to have attracted him, and to deserve him. Those guys are usually pretty smart and choose wisely.
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Old Today, 01:02 PM
 
Location: New to Bay Area
1,213 posts, read 281,364 times
Reputation: 1101
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Yes having a way to be self supporting and not have to depend on a guy is a must.

I think a lot of women can be in denial too. Their spidey sense tingles but they dont want to believe it. They convince themselves out of it. Its not to blame them but to empower them to never be in a situation where they cant survive without the guy.

There are good men who have morals and would never take advantage of that situation. But the state our society is in now, those men are rare. If someone finds one she is very lucky and good for her. She must have many good qualities herself to have attracted him, and to deserve him. Those guys are usually pretty smart and choose wisely.
This is something we can really agree on moon...........no woman should find herself committed to any man if she does not already have her own life with a career & her own friends. So whether if it's cheating...or abuse....or she just doesn't like the guy anymore....she can leave! It makes for smarter & more functional relationships all around.........to *want* a man rather than *need* a man.

You can't take your life back after a betrayal...if you didn't have one when you started the relationship IMO........
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Old Today, 06:38 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
479 posts, read 302,845 times
Reputation: 1697
You are one strong lady! So true your words!
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