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Old 08-02-2019, 08:37 PM
 
Location: WA
7 posts, read 1,283 times
Reputation: 28

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Hi all just looking for advice from those who have went through a divorce.

A little background, 48, officially divorced a year, have been single for 2, as he worked out of state. Haven't worn a wedding ring for 5, nor did he.

Joined a online dating site, some are looking to get married or have never been married, and everything in between, I have no idea what I want (haven't thought about that for 25 years), where do you start?

Seriously any advice appreciated.
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Old 08-02-2019, 09:29 PM
 
Location: Canada
9,108 posts, read 8,396,110 times
Reputation: 19589
I feel that if you don't yet know what you want, you'd be best to stay off dating sites until you do. You'll attract all kinds of wrong if you don't know what is right for you, IMO.
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Old 08-02-2019, 10:07 PM
 
Location: WA
7 posts, read 1,283 times
Reputation: 28
I think you are right, what scares me most is I don't want anyone, I was just trying to feel alive again.
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Old 08-02-2019, 10:13 PM
 
346 posts, read 56,121 times
Reputation: 425
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justlearning1 View Post
I think you are right, what scares me most is I don't want anyone, I was just trying to feel alive again.
Then that's what you want. You don't have to walk in with a 5 year plan - just be up front about "hey, I'm looking for conversation and something to look forward to."

We're all humans, we're a social creature - it's OK to just want to go out and talk to somebody different.
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Old 08-02-2019, 10:41 PM
 
375 posts, read 95,450 times
Reputation: 771
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justlearning1 View Post
I think you are right, what scares me most is I don't want anyone, I was just trying to feel alive again.
That means you're not looking for a relationship, but just wanting to date for fun. Which is ok adn what you should do. Date for fun, nothing serious. That's what you want.

Quote:
"When are you ready?"
This I can answer. Guys are ready for physical intimacy quickly. Women not so much, they need time to trust their feelings with a man first, then they can open up to intimacy. Women keep their feelings locked in a box so to speak, and they only open that box when they are feeling really good around a man that they feel close to. That requires courtship, which is what a woman needs to feel close to a man.

When you go dating for fun and nothing serious, if you're feelings don't come out of the box soon enough, then just keep dating. Let men court you so you can see how you feel with each man. it's not just about a physical spark. That can happen easy. What's not easy is to trust your deepest feelings with a man. That requires you being courted (fun times together). If you like him, he'll know because you'll show a happy vibe when with him. This happy vibe is the first thing to look for when dating. That happy vibe if it continues during dating will open that locked box with your trust for him accepted. This will take several months (if he's courting you properly).

You are ready to date when you no longer are thinking about your ex every day or have strong leftover feelings about your ex. If you still have hurt about your ex, it will cause consequence in dating and next relationship. Because some feelings are locked in the past, and not available with a new person. When your feelings are free from the past, you are ready to share honest closeness with someone else.

So just date, have fun, nothing serious. And look out for that super happy vibe that makes you want to feel close again. If he is courting you the right way, he will advance romance forward at your pace, not his. As you feel you can trust and share your feelings (verbally or non-verbally). It's the man who takes you seriously, but with a lot of fun.
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Old Yesterday, 09:14 AM
 
9,021 posts, read 5,196,634 times
Reputation: 10249
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justlearning1 View Post
I think you are right, what scares me most is I don't want anyone, I was just trying to feel alive again.
Are you wanting to have some laughs? Some company? Some sex?

Just take it slow and enjoy any dates for what they are.

I think this is a good step for you. The best way to start feeling alive is to engage in life.
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Old Yesterday, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,679 posts, read 24,270,514 times
Reputation: 49297
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justlearning1 View Post
I think you are right, what scares me most is I don't want anyone, I was just trying to feel alive again.
Then you shouldn't be on dating sites. Figuring out who you are and being social doesn't necessarily mean dating. You can join community organizations or volunteer somewhere or pick up a hobby you've always wanted to try. Join a book club or a regular exercise class. You've got lots of options.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; Yesterday at 09:36 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 09:32 AM
 
1,241 posts, read 373,897 times
Reputation: 3945
You are old enough to know how to attract people in real life. And if you don't know what you want a dating site seems pointless. Enjoy yourself and being single and figuring it out.
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Old Yesterday, 09:35 AM
 
3,722 posts, read 1,460,258 times
Reputation: 7327
please volunteer first. pick something you like. you will be with those who like it, too.
i like Adopt-A-Highway. outdoors, exercise, environment, friendship before, during, and after.
if i am wrong, then it did not cost that much to try.
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Old Yesterday, 12:06 PM
 
854 posts, read 205,244 times
Reputation: 619
i'm ready when i'm clearer about the issues, but a new prospect needs to be clearer about those issues, too. no "quick fix" since some issues can be part of a subconscious (unaddressed) pattern.
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