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Old Yesterday, 08:51 AM
 
7,496 posts, read 11,636,102 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo View Post
This is really encouraging thank you! I agree with you in that I have dated people for a few weeks/months and ended it after that short amount of time, but knowing that it also could have lasted 2+ years because were were compatible -- there were just a few things off.
Not a rush or a race.

But Id say like most big ticket items in life, the more you prepare and are able to understand what it is you want, especially in years to come, the better your chances are of getting 'that'.

For example, you could take jobs and let it happen naturally. But most would agree, a plan and knowing what you want in a career is a better idea.
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Old Yesterday, 09:03 AM
 
763 posts, read 453,555 times
Reputation: 667
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post

Another problem I had was that people kept telling me how attractive I am and how great my personality is and how it made no sense that I was single. After a while I got tired of them telling me one thing and life showing me another.
My advice would be to ask a trusted guy friend or relative what their honest opinion of you is. Then brace yourself.

Women are great at sensing your emotional need and providing you with that confidence booster, but guys are better at logical, honest answers. It's why they get in trouble when women ask loaded questions such as "does this make me look fat"?
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Old Yesterday, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Austin
950 posts, read 424,452 times
Reputation: 1185
Quote:
Originally Posted by CollieMan View Post
Your friends are morons. Wait until you're at least 30 before you make any decisions that impact the rest of your life.
"I have time to decide" year after year until it's too late. If you look at online dating sites you'll see many women who are about 35, already looking middle aged, and still looking for Prince Charming even though they're close to the point where it's too late to start the family. Usually they say in their written bios that they want to have kids, but then in the dropdown selections they say "kids someday". When is someday? I guess if they're planning to date a guy for 2 more years, figure out he's not perfect, break up, date another guy for 3 years, decide he's worse than the last one but good enough, get married, someday is age 40. I can't speak to what men on dating sites are because I'm a straight male
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Old Yesterday, 09:20 AM
 
763 posts, read 453,555 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxthinkpinkxo View Post
Iím a female turning 29 in a couple months and I am still single. Iíve been single about four years, following the end of a two-year relationship. I have dated plenty since then, but no relationships with legs have resulted. Iíve come to realize Iím pretty picky perhaps and I have actively been trying to give people more of a chance. So I did that and I was just dating a guy for several months up until June, really hoping itíd work out. Eventually it was clear we were just soo different though and forcing it was dragging out something that wasnt going to work out anyway. Now I am just feeling really discouraged. It sounds silly but at this time four years ago (24 going on 25), I never dreamed Iíd still be single four years later. I always envisioned myself marrying by 28, 29 or 30 at the latest. Now, itís looking like I might be 30 and still single. Most of my friends from high school are married or coupled up now which makes it even worse. I even have a friend who married at 24 (now pregnant with her second kid), who makes comments like ďthe guys in their 30s who are still single are mostly leftoversĒ and ďyou better hurry up if you want kids.Ē

I want a family and kids and all that too... but I donít want to settle for someone just because of that. My mom tells me not to rush it or worry but she married at 32 and had three kids very easily. If I knew I inherited her fertility perhaps Iíd feel better but I do think about the biological clock and having a couple kids before 35. Iíve tried practicing my moms mental approach but I still get literal anxiety attacks at times thinking about this.

Has anyone else dealt with this? For additional information, I lived in a rural part of Hawaii for about 2.5 of these past four years where the dating pool was slim so I always attributed it to that. I also traveled abroad an additional couple months of this time. But for the past year, Iíve lived in a big city with lots of prospects and still zilch relationship now, at almost age 29. I regret wasting five months dating this most recent guy that didnít work out, and I fear doing this again over the next year with new guys. If anyone has any tips it would be greatly appreciated.
Are you still living in the rural part of hawaii? "slim dating pool" is probably an understatement. Majority is paired off already in the teens and 20s and settled down with kids. the ones who arent are probably more undesirable, doing drugs, criminals, chronically unemployed, etc. Sorry for the stereotype, but you can probably tell from my username I'm from hawaii too.

I think "don't settle" is poor advice. Everyone settles to some degree, and no one's partner is perfect. Evaluate what is truly important to you in a partner; also it doesnt make sense to hang onto a poorly compatible relationship. And the older you get, the more you will likely have to settle if getting married and having kids is a high priority. I'd guess that as you get older, a growing proportion of your prospective dating pool won't be as interested in marriage and kids. To avoid wasting time, you may want to inquire about some "lifestyle questions" a few dates in.
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Old Yesterday, 09:39 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,266 posts, read 293,410 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthisle View Post
"I have time to decide" year after year until it's too late. If you look at online dating sites you'll see many women who are about 35, already looking middle aged, and still looking for Prince Charming even though they're close to the point where it's too late to start the family. Usually they say in their written bios that they want to have kids, but then in the dropdown selections they say "kids someday". When is someday? I guess if they're planning to date a guy for 2 more years, figure out he's not perfect, break up, date another guy for 3 years, decide he's worse than the last one but good enough, get married, someday is age 40. I can't speak to what men on dating sites are because I'm a straight male
I have never wanted babies for sure.......BUT for those that do, there are other ways to have them...like adoption... & it's not uncommon to have a baby in late 30's. Maybe they are open to being a stepmom. I would *never* willingly choose this for myself ...I would like it to be more organic & decided after I meet someone.....but I don't judge.......they are probably just trying to throw out a wider net for their search......???
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Old Yesterday, 09:44 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,725 posts, read 4,942,207 times
Reputation: 12730
Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
My advice would be to ask a trusted guy friend or relative what their honest opinion of you is. Then brace yourself.

Women are great at sensing your emotional need and providing you with that confidence booster, but guys are better at logical, honest answers. It's why they get in trouble when women ask loaded questions such as "does this make me look fat"?
No advice needed.

Relationships go beyond just looking good on paper. Most of the people who were saying all of those things, were guys. And it was not like I was going around asking people "what is wrong with me?" They would just automatically go into "pity mode" as soon as they found out I was single, and start spewing the BS. I'm comfortable with myself now. Best advice people can give is to accept attracting people and forming bonds is a process with many factors we cannot control. Making peace with that reality can ease a lot of frustration. At least, for me it did.

Last edited by Auraliea; Yesterday at 10:47 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 09:50 AM
 
763 posts, read 453,555 times
Reputation: 667
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Advice not needed.

Relationships go beyond than just looking good on paper. Most of the people who were saying all of those things, were guys. And it was not like I was going around asking people "what is wrong with me?" They would just automatically go into "pity mode" as soon as they found out I was single, and start spewing the BS. I'm comfortable with myself now. Best advice people can give is to accept attracting people and forming bonds is a process with many factors we cannot control. Making peace with that reality can ease a lot of frustration. At least, for me it did.
ah that sucks. And yeah, "pity mode" isn't what was asked for or helpful. At least you seem to have things worked out with where you are and what you want.
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Old Yesterday, 09:59 AM
 
153 posts, read 29,618 times
Reputation: 318
Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
I think "don't settle" is poor advice. Everyone settles to some degree, and no one's partner is perfect. Evaluate what is truly important to you in a partner; also it doesnt make sense to hang onto a poorly compatible relationship. And the older you get, the more you will likely have to settle if getting married and having kids is a high priority.
Don't say things like this! People will be offended, you will get "CD" flamed

OP, never settle... your prince is out there just keep looking.. he's perfect...he's everything you've ever wanted. If you just do what CD-R says, your Disney prince will appear.. and you won't be here in your 40s 50s and 60s bitter, angry, with thousands of posts under your name. OLD advocates (who may have gotten married in their late 30s/40s and had kids, and know they are the exception) will encourage you! But let me ask you, what do you get for their approval and encouragement? Nothing right? Not a damn thing.

You're 29, not OLD but not a kid either, take your search for an SO seriously! He will NOT just appear because you're told on here that he will. Don't take this post as pressure to over do it, because you will end up with a BAD guy if you move too fast!...

...But, take your search very seriously if you want enough time to develop a healthy relationship FIRST then a family. Even if you met your future hubby today, you're going to want enough time to develop a solid marriage with HIM before children are even a factor. *Don't settle, but don't get complacent either!*
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Old Yesterday, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Maryland
1,864 posts, read 600,981 times
Reputation: 4083
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist View Post
Maybe you are trying too hard. There's also nothing wrong with being picky about someone with whom you hope to have a lifetime relationship and children.

If you don't find a compatible person and still want children consider going to a sperm bank.
I agree. Better late to the right person than early to an eventual disappointment. As someone else mentioned, it really is a numbers game. You just have to keep putting yourself in situations where you meet new people and let the odds work themselves out. I know it can be tiring but if thatís the goal you truly desire, then itís worth a prolonged and serious effort.
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Old Yesterday, 10:37 AM
 
403 posts, read 76,346 times
Reputation: 749
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthisle View Post
"If you look at online dating sites you'll see many women who are about 35, already looking middle aged, and still looking for Prince Charming.
I'm not saying don't date OP if you want to find someone to have kids with. But this is Rubbish. Men on this forum like to throw this idea around that women look past it at 35. I'm mid 30s and still get ID'ed for buying alcohol sometimes. The women I know in their mid 30s do not look middle aged or suddenly become invisible when they hit their mid to late 30s. Maybe if you live in a place like Florida, never heard of sunscreen, put a load of weight on and smoke 20 a day you might look middle aged into your 30s.
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