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Old 08-06-2019, 05:22 AM
 
12,680 posts, read 10,025,929 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
No I don't think it's that. I'm very interested in sex and would rather be having lots of it. I don't see my value as being linked to my relationship status.

I was told by a therapist that it's biological, in that most women produce a lot of oxytocin when they first have sex with a new partner, and this is the bonding hormone, so it creates feelings of closeness and bonding with someone when you have sex and causes you to want to do it again. Men produce it too, but in much smaller amounts.

People who don't feel that effect may be less sensitive to the effects of oxytocin.

The Truth Behind Why Women Find It Harder To Have Casual Sex Than Men Do
Ah. I guess this becomes a thread jack at this point. But I have many thoughts on this. Which I won't share. Since it would be a thread jack! Cheers.
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Old 08-06-2019, 05:33 AM
 
475 posts, read 89,142 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Ah. I guess this becomes a thread jack at this point. But I have many thoughts on this. Which I won't share. Since it would be a thread jack! Cheers.
I'd be interested to hear. Maybe we can start a new thread?? "Can women just have casual sex without getting attached?" or something along those lines.

In the article I linked to it says you can overcome and outthink the oxytocin but my system must be very sensitive to it because if a guy doesn't call after casual sex to say he wants to see me again I feel so rejected and it's painful.

The last time I had casual sex was 6 months ago with some guy who was just passing through, he stood me up with some poor excuse on the last time we arranged, I was literally cooking dinner for us when he rudely texted me 5 mins before he was meant to arrive. I sent him a text to wish him well and say it had been fun, as he was leaving the area the next day and got nothing back. No thanks, no acknowledgment of what we had shared together was fun or special. It obviously wasn't. I had shared intimate moments with him and was so gutted to be discarded with not even a goodbye. I cried and was sad for about 3 weeks. That was the moment I realised casual sex could not ever be for me.
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Old 08-06-2019, 05:41 AM
 
475 posts, read 89,142 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Ah. I guess this becomes a thread jack at this point. But I have many thoughts on this. Which I won't share. Since it would be a thread jack! Cheers.
New thread in case you feel like sharing: Emotional pitfalls of casual sex for women
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Old 08-06-2019, 05:42 AM
 
12,680 posts, read 10,025,929 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I'd be interested to hear. Maybe we can start a new thread?? "Can women just have casual sex without getting attached?" or something along those lines.
Go for it!

Quote:
In the article I linked to it says you can overcome and outthink the oxytocin but my system must be very sensitive to it because if a guy doesn't call after casual sex to say he wants to see me again I feel so rejected and it's painful.

The last time I had casual sex was 6 months ago with some guy who was just passing through, he stood me up with some poor excuse on the last time we arranged, I was literally cooking dinner for us when he rudely texted me 5 mins before he was meant to arrive. I sent him a text to wish him well and say it had been fun, as he was leaving the area the next day and got nothing back. No thanks, no acknowledgment of what we had shared together was fun or special. It obviously wasn't. I had shared intimate moments with him and was so gutted to be discarded with not even a goodbye. I cried and was sad for about 3 weeks. That was the moment I realised casual sex could not ever be for me.
And if casual sex is not for you, then so be it. But I think you are conflating one contributor (oxytocin) with cause. Only cause. Primary cause.
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Old 08-06-2019, 06:57 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,275 posts, read 298,144 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Yah it does not work always and with everyone. I have a really good friend. He is coming off a toxic marriage as am I. We've been friends for decades. In addition to meals, doing stuff, talking, we also have mind blowing, soul restoring sex. I'll take it! Neither one of us has any interest in a relationship At All. So it works. I can see how it can be a tough thing to negotiate though.
You are describing a relationship tho.....meals, doing stuff, talking, mind blowing sex. If it has been that way for decades......you are describing a relationship & not something that is just meeting your physical needs....

Ita there can be just a physical relationship but IMO .....when men describe just a physical relationship they don't include talking, meals & doing other stuff...............they are more likely to have one night stands than we are.........
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Old 08-06-2019, 06:59 AM
 
12,680 posts, read 10,025,929 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
You are describing a relationship tho.....meals, doing stuff, talking, mind blowing sex. If it has been that way for decades......you are describing a relationship & not something that is just meeting your physical needs....
Sure I guess. That would be a good description of him. Not the other guy though.
Quote:
Ita there can be just a physical relationship but IMO .....when men describe just a physical relationship they don't include talking, meals & doing other stuff...............they are more likely to have one night stands than we are.........
Ok. If you say so. But I don't see it. Men are no more likely to be ignorant than women are.
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Old 08-06-2019, 07:02 AM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,275 posts, read 298,144 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post

Ok. If you say so. But I don't see it. Men are no more likely to be ignorant than women are.
It's because historically they are not shamed in the same way a woman is...........
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Old 08-06-2019, 07:10 AM
 
12,680 posts, read 10,025,929 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
It's because historically they are not shamed in the same way a woman is...........
Perhaps. There is a strong likelihood that that impacts many women. Personally, I am ok with a one night stand. Not indiscriminately. That just leads to bad sex. Blech.
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Old 08-06-2019, 12:01 PM
Status: "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ..." (set 19 hours ago)
 
Location: Boulder, CO
494 posts, read 155,128 times
Reputation: 921
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I think it's the Mustang Ranch in Nevada. I'm pretty sure Cadillac Ranch is an area in Texas with Cadillacs half-buried and painted all sorts of things. (See Under: Bruce Springsteen song)

Hahaha I almost called it the "Bunny Ranch", too. I'm such a dork.


"Gonna pack my pa and I'm gonna pack my aunt … gonna take 'em down to the Cadillac Ranch!"
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Old 08-06-2019, 01:49 PM
 
Location: PA
791 posts, read 405,523 times
Reputation: 1280
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheUndesirable View Post
I’ve recently been thinking about how to get a girlfriend. I’ve actually been dwelling on this for years. But recently I’ve thought about the idea of just “hiring” a girlfriend.

I don’t mean like a prostitute. It would essentially be a situation wherein I pay a girl a salary to perform the functions of being my girlfriend.

I know this is the only way I could ever get close to having a girlfriend. If I had to go about it the normal way, I would never get one.

I’m okay with the “illusion” of love. I can convince myself it’s real. I don’t really care if she’s faking it. As long as I can pay for it and have it there. Seems it would cut through much of the bullcrap too, like the “courtship” and all that stuff that would just be long, tedious, and ultimately would wind up with me never getting anything from a woman.

What do you think of this?
Not the first guy to come up with that idea. I have a friend that has been doing exactly this for 14 years. He has a deal where he pays $250 for an hour of a woman's time twice a month on either Friday or Saturday night when he gets paid.

I laughed at first, but he has some good points. Your paying her so she can't have a headache, upset stomach, favorite tv show is on, or all the other excuses they come up with, because it is her job. No dinners or playing the game to get sex, because it is all about sex. And there is nobody waiting at home to complain he stayed out to late or any of the other stuff that goes with having a wife/girlfriend. It works for him.

If you knew the truth, I think there are quite a few arrangements like this.
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