U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old Yesterday, 04:12 PM
 
352 posts, read 67,736 times
Reputation: 670

Advertisements

I would not want a strange man to approach me at a shopping centre.

 
Old Yesterday, 04:45 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,132 posts, read 71,130,266 times
Reputation: 77251
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silverlight04 View Post
No, I just workout in the gym and go home. I don’t like speaking to women in the gym.

Whenever I go to target I usually see lots of really attractive women shopping by themselves so I’m wondering if it would be okay if I actually approached someone by starting a random conversation but I’m not sure what to say
Why do you only work out at the gym, and go home? What else do you do with your free time? You should look for some activities around town, maybe a class or workshop to take, activities organized by your city Parks Dept., maybe, a biking or hiking or boating group, volunteering for a film festival or whatever, so you can meet women. It's not going to work, just going up to women in a store. It can work, if you start a casual conversation while waiting in line at the cashier, say, or maybe if you ask them about a product, when they're in this or that department (what's the best brand, etc.).

But you need to choose environments that are set up for people to mingle, like in shared activities of some sort.
 
Old Yesterday, 04:48 PM
 
8,224 posts, read 6,068,821 times
Reputation: 5843
Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
I also mentioned "talking is ok, ulterior motives to hit on or date is not. "

So yeah i agree, nothing is wrong with light conversation, should the opportunity arise. But attempting to parlay "good morning" into a sexual advance is weird.
Definitely.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:29 PM
 
1,267 posts, read 1,309,761 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck View Post
We can debate this all day - and apparently we are. What does he have to lose if he tries. As long as he is not overly aggressive - who knows. I have met couples over the years who claim to have met at some store. Where the guy approached the woman and it went from there.

If its not your thing, then its not your thing. Hell, if he can do it at the store (had the courage to do so), then he would have no trouble at any place else....
If he's doing it far away in other state where nobody knows him and is hard to ever know him, he loses nothing. If
1. he does it near place(s) that he frequents,
2. if he's not living in a large metro area,
3. Both 1. and 2....
He can easily cause so much damage to himself this way that his feeling will be correct when he notices as if almost everyone "knows" and as if situation escalated far worse than what it was. The more awkward he is, the wprse it's going to be. This is especially true if this woman knows who he is or she learns about him "remotely" via some friend of hers.

Needless to say, I know NO couple that met somepne at/in front of a shopping mall as desribed by the OP and I know lots of couples and they would occasionally share their genuine stories in a "couples company". I'm not just talking about my personal experience or how I "hit it off" each time but about any couple I ever met. OP's premise is just wrong and the "success story" is extremely unlikely.


Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It is stereo typical starker/creeper scene. MIGHT he get a woman who is not creeped out? Who might not call the staff? Or is he vastly more likely to get told to f off by the woman trying to work out dealing with the third guy pulling this crap this month? What do you think?

Here's the thing. It is not about the location. It is not about the witty words. It is about being a human being, preferable an interesting one, out in the world when you meet interesting people doing interesting things.
A woman he happens to be "hitting on" must be "open for such scenario" from the get-go, even if just as a possibility. Witty words, swag and physical appearance come in after that, IF she allows such scenario.
He should be quite skilled and smooth to recognize it and have the "disengagement" strategy to back of immediately if things dont go well after a few, well-chosen words to match the given situation. Still, applying this in front of a store or at the parking line out of a sudde reek with "bad situation" and lack of wits. A bar would be much more appropriate, even if this woman doesn't go to a bar.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Ugh...so cringy...

I don't think most people who have organic natural relationships did any calculating or planning like this....they just spontaneously talked to people by being able to properly read situations and social cues. OP you're doing way too much in my eyes.....

There isn't really a right way or good way to explain it. It's more of an intuition type of thing.
By "organic" I guess you mean some genuine interaction helped with one's "swag". Swag isn't something people are born with, it's all about practice and a lifestyle. People with a career involving human/social interactions in their daily job (marketing, media, entertainment industry) are far more capable of being smppth talkers than your typical STEM engineer. Same goes for your typical carefree kids who were "popular" in their elementary/high school vs quiet kids whom others would hardly notice if they didn't show up due to illness.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:50 PM
 
5,323 posts, read 2,834,004 times
Reputation: 9759
I talk to many people including elderly, males, female, etc.. all the time in line at a Trader Joe’s, Sprouts, Natural Grocers, Whole Foods. I never chat beyond anything platonic (married) but I have yet to get awkward vibes about it. I’m also pretty self aware about people’s reactions.

I think a Target is a bit harder just due to the space and massive amounts of people but it wouldn’t be un-natural. I wouldn’t make any “moves” but just have a friendly convo.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:43 PM
 
1,238 posts, read 1,237,484 times
Reputation: 542
Even people who are good for being gregarious- I'd say they are good because they know how to build up, look for reciprocation, and their confidence shows. You can build your own confidence with experience and being able to build. Don't pursue if there's not enough reciprocation. Offer options as much as you can, and not right off the bat. You need a good conversation starter- that means looking at your surroundings. If you're going to be in a public place, maybe be in a section you're familiar with and if someone looks lost, then maybe you can offer help. If you're going the public route, I think this would be best.

I used to be very close to you OP. Sometimes, I think in some ways I still mess up similar to you, and sometimes I get it more than right, but then the other person/people have social anxiety or they pretend they do. Maybe they found someone else they liked more or they don't give you enough of a chance because they are looking for perfect basically even if you know you level with them. People in friendships and dates have minimized communication with me because of my race and/or interests or approach to various contexts.

So, it's not always you. It's probably you some of the time. I wish you well.
 
Old Yesterday, 09:12 PM
 
2,105 posts, read 576,856 times
Reputation: 1379
Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
i think it really depends... situations where you might end up talking to other men or women and not be weird is situations where you're waiting, like in checkout lines or in aisles regarding certain products. I think the assumption that if a dude talks to you, he's definitely interested sexually is a pretty dangerous one.

On the other hand, if by "light conversation with women", you mean guys like the OP following women around attempting to pick them up, then yeah your impression is accurate. lol
I have a male friend of mine that pretty much talks to anyone, no matter how they look, gender, etc. But it's usually at a restaurant/bar where people are just hangin' out, drinking, trivia night, live music, etc. Though he becomes a regular, but has no problem talking to the ladies. Thing is, him just talking to ANYONE makes it looks like he has no agenda and makes it look like he's not trying to pick up women , and thus makes him more attractive. He's gregarious in nature.
 
Old Yesterday, 09:22 PM
 
2,105 posts, read 576,856 times
Reputation: 1379
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
If he's doing it far away in other state where nobody knows him and is hard to ever know him, he loses nothing. If
1. he does it near place(s) that he frequents,
2. if he's not living in a large metro area,
3. Both 1. and 2....
He can easily cause so much damage to himself this way that his feeling will be correct when he notices as if almost everyone "knows" and as if situation escalated far worse than what it was. The more awkward he is, the wprse it's going to be. This is especially true if this woman knows who he is or she learns about him "remotely" via some friend of hers.

Needless to say, I know NO couple that met somepne at/in front of a shopping mall as desribed by the OP and I know lots of couples and they would occasionally share their genuine stories in a "couples company". I'm not just talking about my personal experience or how I "hit it off" each time but about any couple I ever met. OP's premise is just wrong and the "success story" is extremely unlikely.




A woman he happens to be "hitting on" must be "open for such scenario" from the get-go, even if just as a possibility. Witty words, swag and physical appearance come in after that, IF she allows such scenario.
He should be quite skilled and smooth to recognize it and have the "disengagement" strategy to back of immediately if things dont go well after a few, well-chosen words to match the given situation. Still, applying this in front of a store or at the parking line out of a sudde reek with "bad situation" and lack of wits. A bar would be much more appropriate, even if this woman doesn't go to a bar.



By "organic" I guess you mean some genuine interaction helped with one's "swag". Swag isn't something people are born with, it's all about practice and a lifestyle. People with a career involving human/social interactions in their daily job (marketing, media, entertainment industry) are far more capable of being smppth talkers than your typical STEM engineer. Same goes for your typical carefree kids who were "popular" in their elementary/high school vs quiet kids whom others would hardly notice if they didn't show up due to illness.
I cringe every time I hear that word, "Swag" or "swagger", I was like "[bleep] is that, a type of pig?" It makes me cringe when I hear it in context in projecting an image. Isn't that word referring to "Stuff We All Get". YOu know, the junk you get for free at conventions, free drink coozie, gift bag, etc?

I had to Google it, and I figured as much, " to strut in a defiant or insolent manner". Yeah, a "bro" reference. I was close to it being a part of the animal kingdom. ALso "strut" or "Strut your stuff". A rooster if you will.

First thing that come to mind is when WWF wrestlers come into an arena when announced.

Oh speaking of which, a very popular gif... here. -- https://tenor.com/ZPsS.gif

Yeah, I bet if a dude walked like that into a room, people would think he crapped his pants and that's he's walking that way. lol

Here's another. LOL https://tenor.com/tOZw.gif

OR this guy... https://tenor.com/0Q32.gif

Last edited by PJSaturn; Yesterday at 11:50 PM..
 
Old Yesterday, 11:57 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,304 posts, read 15,245,399 times
Reputation: 102471
Enough with the personal attacks, people. The thread has been cleaned up and is now closed.
__________________
My posts as a Moderator will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS And check this out: FAQ
Moderator of Canada (and sub-fora), Illinois (and sub-fora), Indiana (and sub-fora), Automotive, Caregiving, Community Chat, Fashion & Beauty, Hair Care, Games/Trivia, History, Nature, Psychology, Travel, Work & Employment, Writing.
___________________________
~ Life's a gift. Don't waste it. ~
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top