U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 06:58 AM
 
77 posts, read 36,918 times
Reputation: 70

Advertisements

I decided to try online dating. I was messaging a guy for a short period whilst I was away on business as I could not meet him sooner due to being away. We met up and had a great first date and at the end of the date he said he had a nice time and wanted to see me again which I said the same. He texted me daily for 2 weeks. Sometimes I felt he was needy as he kept messaging me when I was out with friends which he knew I was going out and he would also message me when he was out with his friends, I don't understand why he could not just enjoy the evening without texting.

In the end I was a bit vague in my texts as I was getting fed up that he had not asked me out on a second date and I felt he was just wasting my time. I felt it was clear that there was mutual interest and I was responding to his messages so I don't know why he didn't follow through and he ended up ghosting me which I feel is quite rude. I like to get to know someone in person. I know he has been on the app since as he has updated his profession and we have both left our match open. My friend said to contact him and ask to see him. I personally think that he should have arranged a second date and don't see why I should have ask him.

In future is it best to put on my dating profile or tell the guy on the date that I want to get to know him in person and not through text? I think it is a shame as he was a nice guy, am I best to not contact him and move on? I find men usually come back when you leave them to it without contacting them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,617 posts, read 42,225,424 times
Reputation: 84036
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace84 View Post
I decided to try online dating. I was messaging a guy for a short period whilst I was away on business as I could not meet him sooner due to being away. We met up and had a great first date and at the end of the date he said he had a nice time and wanted to see me again which I said the same. He texted me daily for 2 weeks. Sometimes I felt he was needy as he kept messaging me when I was out with friends which he knew I was going out and he would also message me when he was out with his friends, I don't understand why he could not just enjoy the evening without texting.

In the end I was a bit vague in my texts as I was getting fed up that he had not asked me out on a second date and I felt he was just wasting my time. I felt it was clear that there was mutual interest and I was responding to his messages so I don't know why he didn't follow through and he ended up ghosting me which I feel is quite rude. I like to get to know someone in person. I know he has been on the app since as he has updated his profession and we have both left our match open. My friend said to contact him and ask to see him. I personally think that he should have arranged a second date and don't see why I should have ask him.

In future is it best to put on my dating profile or tell the guy on the date that I want to get to know him in person and not through text? I think it is a shame as he was a nice guy, am I best to not contact him and move on? I find men usually come back when you leave them to it without contacting them.
It sounds like the same kinds of games you've described yourself playing with other guys, expecting them to read your mind and behave the way you want when they don't know you and you don't know them.

Maybe he thinks it was your turn to initiate a second date. Who knows?

You were in that early stage when you don't really know each other so it's better to be patient and give people the benefit of the doubt until you get to know how you both operate rather than get all huffy when he doesn't automatically know your preferences.

Sure, ask him out again if you really thought there was a connection. But in the past when you say a guy has ghosted you, it has been in response to your pulling back.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:11 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,323 posts, read 56,133,168 times
Reputation: 90382
Not into you, obviously. Texting when bored. To pass time.
If you want something to happen, you need to show more initiative.
Your responses were lukewarm, perhaps he could feel that you were annoyed. As a result, he didn't proceed.
I don't think you really know what you want. You come across as manipulative and enjoying mind games.
__________________
.
"No Copyrighted Material"
Moderated forums:
World, Europe, Texas, Corpus Christi, El Paso, Lubbock, Tyler, Houston, San Antonio, Tallahassee, Macon, Duluth, Fish, Home Interior Design and Decorating, Science and Technology Forums
.

Need help? Click on this: >>> ToS, Mod List, Rules & FAQ's, Guide, CD Home page, How to Search
Realtors are welcome here but do see our Realtor Advice to avoid infractions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:21 AM
 
7,638 posts, read 3,002,418 times
Reputation: 12595
Quote:
In the end I was a bit vague in my texts as I was getting fed up that he had not asked me out on a second date and I felt he was just wasting my time. I felt it was clear that there was mutual interest and I was responding to his messages so I don't know why he didn't follow through and he ended up ghosting me which I feel is quite rude.
You did “the slow fade”, you knew why you were acting less interested, and he didn’t. He lost his reason to ask you out again, he was getting the impression you lost interest and may not even agree to go.

Next time you get to this point, and there will be a next time, you’re going to have to ask when he would like to meet again. If he’s vague, pick a day, place and time. If he doesn’t agree, THEN you can quit contacting him in confidence that it’s too much work.

You won’t get sympathy and understanding (from most) here when you ask: “Why must I ask him?” and then feel resentful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:38 AM
 
1,222 posts, read 1,362,235 times
Reputation: 1923
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace84 View Post
I decided to try online dating. I was messaging a guy for a short period whilst I was away on business as I could not meet him sooner due to being away. We met up and had a great first date and at the end of the date he said he had a nice time and wanted to see me again which I said the same. He texted me daily for 2 weeks. Sometimes I felt he was needy as he kept messaging me when I was out with friends which he knew I was going out and he would also message me when he was out with his friends, I don't understand why he could not just enjoy the evening without texting.

In the end I was a bit vague in my texts as I was getting fed up that he had not asked me out on a second date and I felt he was just wasting my time. I felt it was clear that there was mutual interest and I was responding to his messages so I don't know why he didn't follow through and he ended up ghosting me which I feel is quite rude. I like to get to know someone in person. I know he has been on the app since as he has updated his profession and we have both left our match open. My friend said to contact him and ask to see him. I personally think that he should have arranged a second date and don't see why I should have ask him.

In future is it best to put on my dating profile or tell the guy on the date that I want to get to know him in person and not through text? I think it is a shame as he was a nice guy, am I best to not contact him and move on? I find men usually come back when you leave them to it without contacting them.
I agree with your thoughts. He would have asked for a second date during the texting if he were truly interested. I don't see a need to address the text issue on your profile. If a man wants to get to know you, he will want to know who you are through dating and text and phone. When a man is interested, he lets you know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:18 AM
 
14,491 posts, read 17,463,326 times
Reputation: 11286
Leave him alone, let him go. He sounds like a typical serial online dater. And they have this unique thing where they are both frustrated with the never-ending texting, yet can't stop texting at the same time, being the cause of it. So they end up just giving up. It's so strange. Online dating has warped people mentally. I call it E-PTSD. You don't want to deal with that anyway.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:27 AM
 
7,638 posts, read 3,002,418 times
Reputation: 12595
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Leave him alone, let him go. He sounds like a typical serial online dater. And they have this unique thing where they are both frustrated with the never-ending texting, yet can't stop texting at the same time, being the cause of it. So they end up just giving up. It's so strange. Online dating has warped people mentally. I call it E-PTSD. You don't want to deal with that anyway.
It sounds like you’re describing the OP as well. They’re both contributing the same amount of energy to going nowhere.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:28 AM
 
694 posts, read 142,838 times
Reputation: 1365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace84 View Post
My friend said to contact him and ask to see him. I personally think that he should have arranged a second date and don't see why I should have ask him.
Your friend is correct. Why should HE arrange the second date? Plan it out, ask him out, pick him up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:38 AM
 
14,491 posts, read 17,463,326 times
Reputation: 11286
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
It sounds like you’re describing the OP as well. They’re both contributing the same amount of energy to going nowhere.

Well that depends on what she wants. If she wants the guy to do the asking out, then it's going to end like this if he doesn't. If she likes doing the asking, then she should have asked him out. I get the feeling she wants the guy to ask her out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,678 posts, read 24,270,514 times
Reputation: 49282
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Well that depends on what she wants. If she wants the guy to do the asking out, then it's going to end like this if he doesn't. If she likes doing the asking, then she should have asked him out. I get the feeling she wants the guy to ask her out.
But when you're doing online dating, you can't just assume that traditional dating norms are in play. If she wants to see him again, and she doesn't want to be texting pen pals, then she needs to use her words and say that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top