U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old Today, 07:29 AM
 
3 posts
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Iíve been struggling for a couple weeks lately due to the end of a year long relationship which ended because of his mental health. He told me he felt like he couldnít be what I needed at the moment and that he didnít want to rely on someone else, that he needed to be in a better place. In his own words ďThis is why I think we should be apart right now.Ē I understand all of this, it still hurts but what hurts more is that while he was doing this he expressed how much he didnít want to lose me and that his feelings havenít changed towards me. He messaged me a few days after saying how he was sorry and that heís scared, wishes he could hug me, that he misses me and it wonít always be this way. I havenít heard from him in a couple weeks despite reaching out and asking if heís okay. Iíll be seeing him at the end of the month as Iím helping him move. I did give him the choice of me still coming and helping him (itís a long drive to be together after this) or to meet when he is in person so we can talk. (We have been long distance for the summer and this breakup didnít happen in person.) Iím scared to lose him because we have a really great connection and Iím scared of seeing him again in all honesty. I want to keep him in my life and I want to be there for him. It makes me sad that he isnít doing well mentally. Iím just looking for some advice as I feel really lost lately and I donít want to bug my friends about this.

TL;DR: depressed boyfriend broke up with me, seeing him at the end of the month and wanting advice on how to handle seeing him and being there for him during this time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 07:42 AM
 
14,488 posts, read 17,463,326 times
Reputation: 11286
If it's not clear to you by now that you don't want to be caught up in his drama, then by all means, continue to see him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:42 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,905 posts, read 20,225,335 times
Reputation: 12469
Let him go. It’s hard to be depressed. If he says he needs to focus on himself, respect his wishes. Don’t prolong the misery by helping him move. It’s not your place anymore.

Now it’s time for you to focus on yourself. Next time, find a guy who lives nearby who isn’t suffering from this disease.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,609 posts, read 42,225,424 times
Reputation: 84036
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jongsey View Post
I’ve been struggling for a couple weeks lately due to the end of a year long relationship which ended because of his mental health. He told me he felt like he couldn’t be what I needed at the moment and that he didn’t want to rely on someone else, that he needed to be in a better place. In his own words “This is why I think we should be apart right now.” I understand all of this, it still hurts but what hurts more is that while he was doing this he expressed how much he didn’t want to lose me and that his feelings haven’t changed towards me. He messaged me a few days after saying how he was sorry and that he’s scared, wishes he could hug me, that he misses me and it won’t always be this way. I haven’t heard from him in a couple weeks despite reaching out and asking if he’s okay. I’ll be seeing him at the end of the month as I’m helping him move. I did give him the choice of me still coming and helping him (it’s a long drive to be together after this) or to meet when he is in person so we can talk. (We have been long distance for the summer and this breakup didn’t happen in person.) I’m scared to lose him because we have a really great connection and I’m scared of seeing him again in all honesty. I want to keep him in my life and I want to be there for him. It makes me sad that he isn’t doing well mentally. I’m just looking for some advice as I feel really lost lately and I don’t want to bug my friends about this.

TL;DR: depressed boyfriend broke up with me, seeing him at the end of the month and wanting advice on how to handle seeing him and being there for him during this time.
I tend to believe that when people take the initiative to separate, we should not try to force the relationship.

I don't particularly think you should help him move. That will be a very stressful time for the two of you to see each other with so much tension between you.

I would tell him you want to cut all contact for three months and give him space to actually work on his issues. That IS what he said he wanted. Some remorse and missing each other is natural.

Why do you think your connection is so rare?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:30 AM
 
677 posts, read 142,838 times
Reputation: 1347
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jongsey View Post
Iím just looking for some advice as I feel really lost lately and I donít want to bug my friends about this.
Consider yourself lucky. You dodged a bullet. The only things worse than not being in a relationship is being in a bad relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:51 AM
 
3 posts
Reputation: 10
Our relationship wasn’t bad at all, he just felt he couldn’t give me his all which he said hurt him because of his depression.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:54 AM
 
3 posts
Reputation: 10
I don’t really connect with people the way I have with him, the only other person I have is my best friend. I feel very myself around him, even from the start and he has stated the same thing. And to the person saying to find someone with this disease, I think that’s a little rude. As someone who also suffers mental health we are still people who can be in relationships and honestly a lot of people suffer from mental health so ruling out dating people who do is a little strange to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:59 AM
 
7,627 posts, read 3,002,418 times
Reputation: 12595
So cliche, but: If you love someone then set them free.
Meaning, you really care about him, so you canít go wrong in respecting his wishes. Donít fall for getting used when itís convenient though, just quit chasing him altogether and heíll either stay true to his words if wishing to be alone, or change his mind. Let him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top