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Old Yesterday, 08:51 PM
 
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Sounds like some form of an avoidant attachment disorder?

 
Old Yesterday, 08:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Dsg1194, some of the things you've been posting on this forum make me think you need to see a therapist to explore this issue. What has happened to make you think that most people aren't good?
Experiences that Iíve had with betrayal and people that I see being two faced to others. Iíve tried going to therapy and taking medications but it didnít work. Itís just my overactive thinking and paranoia that takes over my life.
 
Old Yesterday, 08:56 PM
 
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I’m experiencing the exact same issue you have. I’m 26, male, and have never dated either because I’m really shy around attractive girls. I don’t care much about ugly women. I feel so alone
 
Old Yesterday, 08:56 PM
 
453 posts, read 82,071 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dsg1194 View Post
Experiences that Iíve had with betrayal and people that I see being two faced to others. Iíve tried going to therapy and taking medications but it didnít work. Itís just my overactive thinking and paranoia that takes over my life.
I've been betrayed, too, multiple times. But I think that most people are good. Did you like your therapist? If not, can you see a different one?
 
Old Yesterday, 08:59 PM
 
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And to answer your question, "is it normal": I've had periods in my life where I did not have close friends. I grew up in a dysfunctional/abusive family and kept attracting untrustworthy people because that was what I was used to; and I didn't see 'red flags' in friendships and other relationships as a result and so I would find myself surrounded by people who were behaving badly and kept having to start afresh each time.

Have you come from a situation like that?

Or maybe you're just a bit shy? (I used to be, too.)

I think sometimes the solution to finding friends is to be a giving person. Volunteer in some capacity, offer your friendship by doing nice things for other people, extend invitations to people you like.

I do also think that this is something that gets easier as you go through life and amass more connections, and experience making connections. You're quite young.
 
Old Yesterday, 09:01 PM
 
579 posts, read 329,512 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dsg1194 View Post
Experiences that I’ve had with betrayal and people that I see being two faced to others. I’ve tried going to therapy and taking medications but it didn’t work. It’s just my overactive thinking and paranoia that takes over my life.
It might call for years of therapy to overcome certain problems. There is also the hurdle of finding a therapist you trust. I understand because people always throw the "Get help!!!!" at me without knowing Ive been to about 15 different therapists in my life. There was only one I felt I could talk to and she did help me.

Therapy is not a magic wand.

It sounds like you have an idea what the problem is though. You have good insight so you really are leaps ahead of most people.
 
Old Yesterday, 09:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I've been betrayed, too, multiple times. But I think that most people are good. Did you like your therapist? If not, can you see a different one?
Iíve tried a few mental health therapists and they were not the right fit. I saw a psychiatrist for a few years and stopped after no change in my behavior. I feel like itís just a bad personality trait or negative thinking but I am so tired of feeling this way and nothing changing.
 
Old Yesterday, 09:04 PM
 
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Have you ever tried cognitive behaviour therapy? (CBT)

https://www.iwanttochangemylife.org/...rapy-guide.htm

I know people who have had success with this for anxiety and negative mindsets.
 
Old Yesterday, 09:09 PM
 
19 posts, read 2,495 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Have you ever tried cognitive behaviour therapy? (CBT)

https://www.iwanttochangemylife.org/...rapy-guide.htm

I know people who have had success with this for anxiety and negative mindsets.
CBT is what I tried with those therapists
 
Old Yesterday, 09:18 PM
 
453 posts, read 82,071 times
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There is also the kind of therapy that I did (psychodynamic therapy) and I was in it for about 5 years, where you focus on building a trusting, supportive relationship with the therapist, for me, when I did it in my 20s, that the first really supportive relationship I'd ever had. It can take time to see results, but it can also be quite life altering. And you need to find the right one for that...a therapist that you warm to. I saw a therapist over Skype.

But generally, if you want different results in your life, you have to do something different to create those results. So it could be trying a different kind of therapy, forcing yourself to put yourself in a new or different social situation every week or month, setting new personal goals that expand your world and working on them, things like that.

I imagine that you're not getting much attention from men because you're putting out a vibe that says "don't talk to me"? That can be the case when you have trouble trusting people. No one wants to be rejected so if you come off as unapproachable you won't be approached.
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