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Old 08-04-2019, 05:41 PM
 
21 posts, read 2,495 times
Reputation: 10

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So Iím 25 and never really dated. I was chubby growing up and never asked out like other girls. Iíve lost a lot of weight in the past 2 years and still donít get approached by guys.

When i was asked out later in HS, they were not by guys Iíd want to date and ended up saying no. That is how itís been: almost every guy that has asked me out Iíve rejected. I donít feel the vibe and/or find them attractive.

What upsets me is I donít think Iím ugly and people have told me Iím attractive, so why do I only get asked out by unattractive guys? I think itís unfair to me because I do put in effort into my appearance. Iíve ďdatedĒ here and there for a few months but never by the guy Iíd like to date because the guys I find cute donít approach me. And no , I refuse to approach a guy first. My mother says itís because I havenít found the right guy and thatís true but I dunno...

 
Old 08-04-2019, 05:44 PM
 
840 posts, read 185,472 times
Reputation: 1678
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dsg1194 View Post
Iíve lost a lot of weight in the past 2 years
Are you going to keep it off forever?
 
Old 08-04-2019, 05:46 PM
 
5,338 posts, read 2,840,033 times
Reputation: 9783
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dsg1194 View Post
So Iím 25 and never really dated. I was chubby growing up and never asked out like other girls. Iíve lost a lot of weight in the past 2 years and still donít get approached by guys.

When i was asked out later in HS, they were not by guys Iíd want to date and ended up saying no. That is how itís been: almost every guy that has asked me out Iíve rejected. I donít feel the vibe and/or find them attractive.

What upsets me is I donít think Iím ugly and people have told me Iím attractive, so why do I only get asked out by unattractive guys? I think itís unfair to me because I do put in effort into my appearance. Iíve ďdatedĒ here and there for a few months but never by the guy Iíd like to date because the guys I find cute donít approach me. And no , I refuse to approach a guy first. My mother says itís because I havenít found the right guy and thatís true but I dunno...
My assumption is that you put off a certain vibe based upon the tone in your post.
 
Old 08-05-2019, 04:04 AM
 
12,377 posts, read 13,655,842 times
Reputation: 14425
Personality has a lot to do with it too ya know.

Smile more, be friendly to guys you are attracted to, etc.

Most of the time I keep the ‘leave me alone or I will kill you’ face on. It kills any chance of people talking to me. Don’t be that face.
 
Old 08-05-2019, 06:22 AM
 
1,077 posts, read 675,386 times
Reputation: 3287
Judging by your other posts here, it has less to do with your appearance and everything to do with your bad attitude. People can tell when there's talking to someone with a negative attitude and most people find that type of thing unattractive.
 
Old 08-05-2019, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,118 posts, read 5,445,811 times
Reputation: 12662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dsg1194 View Post
So Iím 25 and never really dated. I was chubby growing up and never asked out like other girls. Iíve lost a lot of weight in the past 2 years and still donít get approached by guys.

When i was asked out later in HS, they were not by guys Iíd want to date and ended up saying no. That is how itís been: almost every guy that has asked me out Iíve rejected. I donít feel the vibe and/or find them attractive.

What upsets me is I donít think Iím ugly and people have told me Iím attractive, so why do I only get asked out by unattractive guys? I think itís unfair to me because I do put in effort into my appearance. Iíve ďdatedĒ here and there for a few months but never by the guy Iíd like to date because the guys I find cute donít approach me. And no , I refuse to approach a guy first. My mother says itís because I havenít found the right guy and thatís true but I dunno...
And so you're choosing to narrow your dating pool.
 
Old 08-05-2019, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,922 posts, read 12,373,135 times
Reputation: 26508
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dsg1194 View Post
So Iím 25 and never really dated. I was chubby growing up and never asked out like other girls. Iíve lost a lot of weight in the past 2 years and still donít get approached by guys.

When i was asked out later in HS, they were not by guys Iíd want to date and ended up saying no. That is how itís been: almost every guy that has asked me out Iíve rejected. I donít feel the vibe and/or find them attractive.

What upsets me is I donít think Iím ugly and people have told me Iím attractive, so why do I only get asked out by unattractive guys? I think itís unfair to me because I do put in effort into my appearance. Iíve ďdatedĒ here and there for a few months but never by the guy Iíd like to date because the guys I find cute donít approach me. And no , I refuse to approach a guy first. My mother says itís because I havenít found the right guy and thatís true but I dunno...
Shallow and entitled but youíre allowed to feel that way. Good luck with dating.
 
Old 08-05-2019, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,046 posts, read 7,413,283 times
Reputation: 21662
You absolutely have a right to be attracted to anyone you are attracted to, or not, to have whatever preferences float your boat. Everyone has that right.

But....

1. The more strict requirements you have in place, the longer it may take to find the "right" partner for you. Only you get to decide where the tipping point is, where staying solo is more undesirable than compromising your criteria.

2. Not being willing to "approach" (such a stupid, silly, loaded word in the context of dating but whatever) is going to be a problem and keep being a problem. Being willing to put on a smile and say the first word doesn't mean that you are easy, desperate, begging, anything negative at all. Here's the thing...you can control what YOU do, but you cannot control what any other human being does. So if you're willing to take the first step, you are using your agency, your control, to make a selection, rather than sitting there with zero power and zero control just complaining that the universe won't drop your dreams in your lap with no effort on your part. You are not a princess in a tower. You're a human being in the real world. If you want a particular outcome, sometimes you have to be willing to help it along. And yes, to experience some rejection, sometimes, as well. That's just...life.
 
Old 08-05-2019, 11:45 AM
 
1,689 posts, read 3,623,466 times
Reputation: 1315
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dsg1194 View Post
So Iím 25 and never really dated. I was chubby growing up and never asked out like other girls. Iíve lost a lot of weight in the past 2 years and still donít get approached by guys.

When i was asked out later in HS, they were not by guys Iíd want to date and ended up saying no. That is how itís been: almost every guy that has asked me out Iíve rejected. I donít feel the vibe and/or find them attractive.

What upsets me is I donít think Iím ugly and people have told me Iím attractive, so why do I only get asked out by unattractive guys? I think itís unfair to me because I do put in effort into my appearance. Iíve ďdatedĒ here and there for a few months but never by the guy Iíd like to date because the guys I find cute donít approach me. And no , I refuse to approach a guy first. My mother says itís because I havenít found the right guy and thatís true but I dunno...
Perhaps by happenstance you'll find the right guy, who'll approach you and date you for a lengthy period of time... or... your views will change... hopefully. Don't be a 5 waiting for 10 your whole life. Don't be inflexible on who approaches whom and your criteria.

At any rate, it's not shallow. You like what you like, there is nothing wrong with that. One should always be discerning with one's partner.
 
Old 08-05-2019, 12:09 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,639 posts, read 40,185,751 times
Reputation: 42065
You have the right to want what you want. I think most people can agree to that. You also have to temper that with some reality in terms of mates and being matched. Most people tend to be fairly matched from what I've seen. Just generally and loosely saying.
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