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Old Today, 11:12 AM
 
821 posts, read 206,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
For you then, wait until you’re in a relationship to include drinking with sex. You’ll know.
People keep telling me this...that “I’ll know”...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
I would be insulted a little if a guy questioned my ability to give consent or make an advance...
Well, ****.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
...or I would wonder what he’s been accused of to have to turn it into this alcohol level testing...
Well, double ****.

See, contradictions. Kinda damned if I do, damned if I don’t. But between “damned as an offensive, possibly creepy, stand-offish guy afraid of da wimminz” and “damned as a sexual assault perpetrator” I choose the former.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
I’m not making fun of your questions, but the nature of your ruminating here makes it clear you would benefit MOST by getting experience. Work on that part first.
Here’s another rumination...what if my chance at getting experience comes as a result of liquid courage on her part?

Probably a shot in the dark, but this is the kind of stuff that I (over)think about.
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Old Today, 11:14 AM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
Reputation: 5886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
As a general rule. I’m assuming none of these guys with these issues are that attractive physically so you must improve your odds by going after as many woman as possible till one bites. Sitting back waiting for your soulmate to pop upis not gonna work.

It’s also for guys like me in their 40’s the age where your friends are all married with kids so the chances become less that you meet single woman through your social
circle like you do in your 30’s.
As a guy, I agree with putting yourself out there and meeting people, building your social life as best as you can. Also, nothing wrong with talking to a woman (or anyone) you are interested in as long as you know when to back off.
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Old Today, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,693 posts, read 42,330,771 times
Reputation: 84265
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post


Here’s another rumination...what if my chance at getting experience comes as a result of liquid courage on her part?
You really shouldn't need to ruminate to understand the problems with that statement?

If "getting experience" is your goal, then proceed.

Is that the kind of experience you want?

Do I need to experience a car wreck in order to be a good driver?

This is one of those thoughts that could alight on your mind for a moment but shouldn't be invited to roost.
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Old Today, 11:15 AM
 
821 posts, read 206,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
... which is even more reason for you to brush it off, especially given your profession. YOU know the situation better than most anyone here. So don't pay attention to what you know isn't relevant.



I agree with you. I do not think that would be a good situation for you.



People who scorn are EVERYWHERE.

People have to make up their own minds and understand that "internet attention" is not half as relevant to your actual life as the attention and opinions of people who actually know you.

I think you have a pretty good mental hold on your situation, but you DO ruminate and instead of feeling acceptance for it you insist on spending much of your free time thinking "what ifs" that will get you nowhere.
Sounds like we agree then. Good advice on the last part.

Let’s see if I can follow it now...
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Old Today, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
622 posts, read 111,621 times
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At Arms Length, don't apologise for being a respectful person. Not saying that Rbccl dates disrespectful men but I think there's not anything creepy or offensive about your stance.
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Old Today, 11:27 AM
 
821 posts, read 206,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You really shouldn't need to ruminate to understand the problems with that statement?

If "getting experience" is your goal, then proceed.

Is that the kind of experience you want?

Do I need to experience a car wreck in order to be a good driver?

This is one of those thoughts that could alight on your mind for a moment but shouldn't be invited to roost.
No, just an interesting question. I know what my reaction would be in such a situation (or at least, I think I do, I think I’d have enough fortitude to resist that kind of temptation).

And no, it’s not the kind of experience I want. You’re right on that. And lest people think I’m some sort of sad lounge-o-leer hanging around dives in a leisure suit hoping to score with the barflies: I’m a quiet social drinker. I drink exclusively with friends (never alone), usually in a closed setting at one of their houses, and never to binge (anymore). For medical reasons I can’t hold my liquor anymore...makes me a cheap drunk now If we’re at a bar it’s probably a chill place and we’re probably doing something like watching sports or playing board games...not the kinds of scenes lascivious lushes frequent.
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Old Today, 11:27 AM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
"Know it when I see it," that's a bold statement given my lack of natural social intuition. I've worked hard for what social skills I've got, and I acquired them through lots and lots of daily practice. They let me engage in normal every-day social interactions with...decent success. Getting lots and lots of practice at the dating and attraction game, though? That's a tall order. My chances to develop and practice social skills for that sort of situation are few and far in-between. Unless you really mean something that there's really no way I can miss...her coming over, sitting in my lap, and giving me a kiss or something like that...there's a decent chance I actually wouldn't know it when I see it, because my awareness of social cues is largely acquired through experience, observation, and trial-and-error.



So, specific examples would be appreciated. From anyone reading this. The floor is open.







Granted. I've never gotten handsey. If I made anyone uncomfortable ever it was completely unintentional. (I did have a woman tell me my appearance was intimidating once though.)






I did a lot to be more attractive. It wasn't enough to help me in escaping my category. I decided I'd spent enough of my time and energy on trying to force something that can't be forced. No matter how much work I put into it, it will always require the interest of a person whose opinions I cannot control. I decided to spend my time and energy on pursuits that I can force, e.g., career, hobbies, pursuits, goals. Things I can succeed at. Things that don't make me feel like a failure. So I guess it is what it is.
The thing about the dating game is in my opinion, the more bogged down in the details we get, the more confused we get. I think dating doesn't have to be so complicated (I mean, i'm reading a lot of what you're being told and even I'm confused, LOL!!!)

Ideally, you meet someone who is interesting and interested, you guys go out and see if things work out and if so, you move forward, if not, you move on. I started getting confused at all of the different things being told to me, and that's when I realized I need to take a few steps back from the dating game in order to get my mind right about it.

For successful daters, it is really not that complicated.


I believe that we really need good (or at least decent) social skills to have a shot at dating (looks don't hurt either). The only thing is a lot of us (me anyway) stumble when it comes to the asking out part. That's because I am not sure how to go about it. I'm pretty sure context is...

Wait a minute...

CONTEXT!!!

Context is king when it comes to dating (for me).

So that's my game (contextual game). LOL!!!
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Old Today, 11:30 AM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
Reputation: 5886
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
If she allows you to stick your tongue in her mouth without the next morning telling her friends that she was 'too drunk' then that is a sign that she has romantic interest in you.

If she lets you stick your penis her vagina, that is an ever better sign that she has romantic interest in you. That one is pretty gold in my experience.
Yeah... you probably don't want to take that risk...
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Old Today, 11:31 AM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
And a lot do.

What's your point?
And a lot are struggling...

*shrug
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Old Today, 11:33 AM
 
821 posts, read 206,098 times
Reputation: 1065
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
To be honest I'm not sure that women always know who they are looking for until they find that person.
That’s...not helpful to the type of person that not many start out looking for. Might be a factor in my difficulties with trying to date online, where you typically lay out the type of person you are early on. (Though I made rookie mistakes in some early connections I had.)
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