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Old Yesterday, 05:26 PM
 
5,375 posts, read 2,856,116 times
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Be humble
Be kind
Be positive
Be present

Do those and you’ll attract a great deal more suitors in life.
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Old Yesterday, 05:29 PM
 
640 posts, read 336,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Body language speak loud and clear...in that case, yes, it did. I could tell that she was not into me.


But, I have had numerous other situations in which I mistakenly thought a woman might be interested in going out with me. That's primarily what I'm talking about, because that's where I've failed so often in the past...in trying to figure out if she's interested in dating or not. So, so often I've mistaken her willingness to talk and be friendly for romantic interest. Smiling, eagerness to chat, asking curiosity-type questions about me, laughing at my jokes and banter, showing commonality with my interests...up to and including her giving me her number without my even asking for it...and all have gotten me shot down when I've thought there may be interest on her part and tried to ask her out.

The things you've listed here...those are the sorts of things I was asking about, the "things I'll know when I see them" that are good indicators of her interest. And...well, I might know them if I see them, but the problem is, those are things I haven't seen in my life in my interactions with women. At all. So...what I have actually been doing all this time is simply seeing the most friendly social indicators I've received from women I've known through the years, and, because they're the best-case social cues I've ever gotten from women, I've assumed that the women giving me those cues might be interested...the classic "Ugh, he thinks I'm into him because I smiled at him and talked to him." I see now that there are social cues beyond those that I have experienced. I have occasionally seen them applied to other guys by women...for instance, I watched a woman walk up to my brother-in-law in a bar and hit on him (my sister wasn't with us) while ignoring me like I wasn't even there...invisible.

So, it's these kinds of cues that I need to be watching for before asking a woman out. That's what I was looking for in examples of what to watch for. (Sort of redundant knowledge, but it never hurts to shake the tree again from time to time to see if I can find any new acorns.)


Edit: I guess in brief, I'm well-attuned to signs of negative romantic interest through lots of experience. Not so experienced with signs of positive romantic interest, because based on what I've read of how women show men that they're interested...women aren't. So as a result I've mistaken polite and friendly interactions with women...which are my best-case scenarios in interacting with women...as signs that they were interested, when the women I've asked out really haven't been interested in anything more than friendliness and talking.
Based on that post it does sound like they are interested. Maybe they just were just unable to take it further for a different reason?
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Old Yesterday, 06:09 PM
 
829 posts, read 208,593 times
Reputation: 1070
Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
Be humble
Be kind
Be positive
Be present

Do those and you’ll be a much better person in life.
Fixed it for you. Nothing else is guaranteed.
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Old Yesterday, 06:14 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,737 posts, read 4,955,755 times
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Yeah...I think one of the biggest things with this is stop telling people if they do "this" they will get "that." There is no guarantee for anything. You can be "perfect" and still not find the right person. That's why inner peace and acceptance is SOOOO important. We need to stop selling people a dream and get real.
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Old Yesterday, 06:20 PM
 
829 posts, read 208,593 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Based on that post it does sound like they are interested. Maybe they just were just unable to take it further for a different reason?
If we were talking a few, maybe that would hold water. But 25 of them, I think is what I've counted for the number of times I've been rejected? 24 if you don't want to count the aloof, dis-interested date?


I mean, some of them I got reasons from: one said I was too old (that one was my mistake, I didn't realize how young she was...she was legal, of course, but much younger than I would have been comfortable enough with to ask her out, had I known), a few said they were "too busy", one told me she'd just tried to ask a guy out and been rejected so she wasn't feeling up to it (though she found her next boyfriend quickly enough after I asked her). Several told me they weren't interested in the sorts of dates I'd proposed. One turned out to be in a relationship (oops, my bad again).



For most there wasn't much in they way of any feedback, and that's fine...I'm sure that women get the "Well, if you can't go out for me for X reason, not to worry, because we can go out for Y reason instead!" A direct "No thanks" is better than something I might misconstrue as a "Maybe". My mentality (now) is that anything other than a "Yeah, sure, I'd love to go out with you!" is a "No." If any of them are interested in the future, they know how to contact me.


But no. Based on copious experience...I don't think they were interested. 24/25 showing behavior that would normally be considered to be solid enough signals to build interest on, but shooting me down? Not statistically likely. The problem is me...either my approach, my perception, my personality, or a combination of any or all of those.
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Old Yesterday, 06:46 PM
 
829 posts, read 208,593 times
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Also, why did you describe those other behaviors that indicate interest, but say the women I’ve asked out sound to you like they were interested even when they weren’t displaying them?

Just curious.
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Old Yesterday, 07:57 PM
 
640 posts, read 336,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Also, why did you describe those other behaviors that indicate interest, but say the women I’ve asked out sound to you like they were interested even when they weren’t displaying them?

Just curious.
Well to me, someone offering you their number is a pretty sure sign of interest.

Maybe some of these women wanted you to pursue a bit more rather than taking the first no. These are just stab in the dark guesses since I dont know you. But I find it hard to believe that no woman has been interested in you.
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Old Yesterday, 08:30 PM
 
829 posts, read 208,593 times
Reputation: 1070
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Well to me, someone offering you their number is a pretty sure sign of interest.

Maybe some of these women wanted you to pursue a bit more rather than taking the first no. These are just stab in the dark guesses since I dont know you. But I find it hard to believe that no woman has been interested in you.
If the phone number thing is the only one that makes you think she was interested...well, join the club. She’s also one who stood me up...she actually said yes, the first time I’d ever gotten a Yes, but then bailed out 30 minutes before the date and was “too busy” to reschedule. She was interested in being friends though, so, maybe that’s why she gave me her number in the first place.

Uh, if they want me to pursue past a “No” then good riddance. I’m not good enough at dating to understand the flow and drift of it under the best, most straightforward circumstances. I DEFINITELY don’t have time for game-playing that could lead to trouble for me if I guess wrong and keep pestering a woman who DEFINITELY wants me to leave her alone.

All I know is that I’ve never experienced anything like what you described in your first post other than an extremely confusing experience in high school. A girl was very physically flirtatious with me one evening at an event, but ended up not being interested in dating when I asked her (she was the first girl I ever asked out, actually).
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Old Yesterday, 11:03 PM
 
8,303 posts, read 6,094,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
If I can ask, what was your Before weight, and what was your After weight? Not now, but at the weight that you want to get back down to?
In my 20s, I was roughly 180 before. After weight loss, I went down to 170.

Right now, I'm over 210 lbs. Mind you, I'm in my thirties and I also have a lot more muscle mass. I think 180 would be good for me as long as I maintain muscle mass. I just need to get my body fat down to roughly 10% at least.
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Old Yesterday, 11:17 PM
 
829 posts, read 208,593 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
In my 20s, I was roughly 180 before. After weight loss, I went down to 170.

Right now, I'm over 210 lbs. Mind you, I'm in my thirties and I also have a lot more muscle mass. I think 180 would be good for me as long as I maintain muscle mass. I just need to get my body fat down to roughly 10% at least.

Yeah, I'm way out of your weight class. I went from 375 to 235. Still pudgy, but I don't look bad. My height helps there.

10% body fat, that's a tall order past age 30. Good luck.
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