U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old Today, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,709 posts, read 33,602,337 times
Reputation: 32523

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I just like to go at my pace. I can have social anxiety at times so I need to psyche myself before lots of social interaction. I think thats a legitimate reason.
Do you explain this facts to dudes when you reject them? If you didnít provide an explanation to why, this could come off as game playing.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 10:50 AM
 
12,772 posts, read 10,050,793 times
Reputation: 16397
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Do you explain this facts to dudes when you reject them? If you didnít provide an explanation to why, this could come off as game playing.
I am here to tell you than ANYTHING can "come off" as pretty much anything in the wild and wooley world of dating. It is not her job to maintain a guy's feelings of whether or not she was playing games. She is only responsible for her.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:50 AM
 
642 posts, read 336,661 times
Reputation: 467
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Do you explain this facts to dudes when you reject them? If you didn’t provide an explanation to why, this could come off as game playing.
I do, if it seems appropriate in context. I just say thank you but I have to decline now due to social anxiety.

The guys I date I usually converse with a long time (text, phone calls etc.) before dating.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:51 AM
 
12,772 posts, read 10,050,793 times
Reputation: 16397
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
They might initially reject most of those men, but the men who keep pursuing and ask a second or third time are more likely to get a yes.
And this how we get to where we are.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:52 AM
 
12,772 posts, read 10,050,793 times
Reputation: 16397
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Well, I disagree. I think its ok to ask 2 or 3 times or at least keep talking to get to know each other better.

Im actually being stalked now but that has been years of almost constant pursuing. Id not consider it harassment if a guy respectfully made attempts to get to know me. I very rarely accept the first proposal of a date.
You would be nearly alone. Most of us don't want to have to beat guys off with a stick.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,709 posts, read 33,602,337 times
Reputation: 32523
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I am here to tell you than ANYTHING can "come off" as pretty much anything in the wild and wooley world of dating. It is not her job to maintain a guy's feelings of whether or not she was playing games. She is only responsible for her.
All Iím saying is it would be a disservice to her if she is legitimately interested but didnít feel ready if she didnít explain that. A lot of well-suited guys would be understanding to the fact if she explained that.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:54 AM
 
12,772 posts, read 10,050,793 times
Reputation: 16397
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
Men are looked at as the leaders\ decision makers so confidence is a must for us. Woman look up to us literally and figuratively in relationships as the authority figures.

A lot of women canít even handle telling us what food they want lol never mind making tough decisions

But itís also a vague term in attraction because nobodies always confident it just basically means social confidence enough to approach her
LOL. This is Just Wacky. For me, confidence is important so I don't wind up with a project guy who wants me to fix his Mommy issues.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:56 AM
 
12,772 posts, read 10,050,793 times
Reputation: 16397
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
That comment is sexist. Women can be decisive too, it's not an exclusively male trait.
I rarely make an opinion on where to eat. Because the guys tend to be wildly more picky than I and want to feel like they DID something to drive the date seems to me.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,709 posts, read 33,602,337 times
Reputation: 32523
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I do, if it seems appropriate in context. I just say thank you but I have to decline now due to social anxiety.

The guys I date I usually converse with a long time (text, phone calls etc.) before dating.
I think that is fair. If I seem intense, it is because Iíve seen it suggested here more than enough times that women who have interest in a guy who asks them out should decline the first time for nothing more than the hell of it. Iím sensitive to that particular line since Iíve been jerked around by women before and it is not fun.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:00 AM
 
8,303 posts, read 6,094,099 times
Reputation: 5893
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Wanting to be pursued isnt necessarily game playing. She might just want to be sure you are serious about it before accepting a date.

If these women you speak of are highly desirable and attractive women, they probably get asked out all the time. They might initially reject most of those men, but the men who keep pursuing and ask a second or third time are more likely to get a yes.

Its not stalking or harassment to pursue a woman. If she tells you to leave her alone and you continue, that is harassment.

If these are just average women, they might still want some getting to know you time before taking things to a more intimate dating scenario.

I dont know how you know these women or how well you do, but many women have some "stranger danger," being the smaller and weaker ones it can feel very vulnerable to put ourselves into an isolated setting with someone we dont know well. You have said you are very tall, that can add to that.

Ive a feeling they might just need more time to feel safe and comfortable with you before progressing to a date.
See the thing with that is, there is the "no means no" message going around. If a woman wants to go out with me and then says no to me as some form of "test", then she is going to lose me to a woman who is not into that kind of game (that's what that really is, a game).

As to whether or not it is harassment or not to pursue a woman, that depends on the person. But if the woman said no and the person persists, it will be seen as harassment if other parties get involved. One of the common complaints against us men is that we don't take no for an answer. And whenever a woman says no, and eventually reveals that she meant yes, but was just testing...no, I will call it what it is, playing games with the person, some guys may see that, and then they may get ideas and try it on a woman who really means no when she says it.

Now, if a woman says something along the lines of "Not now", or "the time is not right", okay. I'll give the benefit of the doubt...but I'm not going to wait up. There are other women out there that are ready for me, it would do none of us any good for me to wait for the "not right now" to become "now". Like I'm supposed to just wait around while she has her fun. LOL!!! At the same time, I got a lovely Ms. waiting on me to make her my Mrs.

Not to mention, the woman I wait for might take it as a sign of low self esteem/respect.

In my opinion, playing that "she said no, but she probably doesn't mean it" game is actually a dangerous game to play and can bring about some unfortunate circumstances for both sides. And typically, this type of game (I'll say no when I mean yes), just might attract some imbalanced people with boundary issues.

In my mind, there are too many women out there for me to get caught up with someone that says no (and I mean saying the word outright no. Not a somewhat wishy-washy response that kinda favors a no, but even with that, I'm not going to wait up).

As far as stranger danger, this is exactly why I take no for an answer. You say no to me, I'm moving it along as far as romance goes. If you happen to change your mind and you catch me at the right time (in between relationships), then I'll consider it.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top