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Old Today, 11:04 AM
 
8,314 posts, read 6,094,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Well, I disagree. I think its ok to ask 2 or 3 times or at least keep talking to get to know each other better.

Im actually being stalked now but that has been years of almost constant pursuing. Id not consider it harassment if a guy respectfully made attempts to get to know me. I very rarely accept the first proposal of a date.
If you feel you are being stalked, then this is a very serious deal. Stalking is actually illegal because of what it can lead to and has often led to. This is nothing to encourage. Get help, get this guy or whatever stalker off your back.
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Old Today, 11:12 AM
 
8,314 posts, read 6,094,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
What if she says no because she has another social engagement planned, or some other legitimate reason?
"No" doesnt always mean "Never." If she says it means "never," then believe her and back off.

My father asked my mom out 3 times before she said yes. My mom said she was very attracted to hom but she was just actually busy. My father almost gave up but then they got married and had 2 kids.
Then she can make it clear. She can say something other than no. She can explain what is happening if she wants to keep the option open. It's not a good idea to just say "NO!!!!" to something you want.

I don't know the details of your mother and father's relationship or if she actually said "NO!!!". or just "I'm busy with bla bla bla." But times were a lot different then.
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Old Today, 11:17 AM
 
646 posts, read 336,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You would be nearly alone. Most of us don't want to have to beat guys off with a stick.
I dont either. I like to take it slow with one interesting guy. If hes demanding I drop everything to date him immediately, hes not the right guy for me.

It sounds like some of the guys itt want immediate 100% interest from the girl. Some ladies just like to go a bit slower.
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Old Today, 11:18 AM
 
7,734 posts, read 3,032,095 times
Reputation: 12720
Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
That ^^ IS sexual harrassment. Asking once, no problem... Asking repeatedly is absolutely the wrong thing to do.
This is a measure of sexual harassment in the work place, IMO, employers have to be more black-and-white, the rules stated and posted determine whether or not the attention is wanted or warranted (or not).

IRL, it’s a little different, someone can ask you 2 or 7 times and you can block them, and never see them again— don’t have to deal with them like you do every day in the workplace. Someone can ask you out for the third time and you can tell him to F off. In the workplace, you will be seen as part of the problem if you start acting aggressively with hostility in return, you can only report it. IRL, there’s nowhere to report it, she can’t really go to the police station and say: “this man has asked me out two times in a row, arrest him!” It takes way more evidence prove documentation repetitive action to be warranted as (criminal) harassment in real life

As much as some of the men here like to fantasize that that’s the way it is, it’s not actually illegal in that sense, harassment takes a much smaller measure to be labeled so in the workplace, as it would be to be charged with some sort of crime of harassment in real life. Employment at will, follow the rules inside of this inclusive atmosphere, where you are being paid to be productive by someone profiting off of your cooperative behavior. Do you know what I mean?

I have gone out with somebody that I initially declined, only because I started to see him in a different light and thought I may have made a snap judgement, not because I enjoy harassment or pictured it as such.
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Old Today, 11:19 AM
 
646 posts, read 336,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
If you feel you are being stalked, then this is a very serious deal. Stalking is actually illegal because of what it can lead to and has often led to. This is nothing to encourage. Get help, get this guy or whatever stalker off your back.
I have a restraining order against him and the guy was arrested last month.
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Old Today, 11:21 AM
 
8,314 posts, read 6,094,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I dont either. I like to take it slow with one interesting guy. If hes demanding I drop everything to date him immediately, hes not the right guy for me

It sounds like some of the guys itt want immediate 100% interest from the girl. Some just like to go a bit slower.
That's actually a good idea. Take things slow.

It's not that we want 100% immediate interest, but dating has become a minefield for some of us guys. I personally don't want to force myself into where I'm not wanted. You say no to me, I will smile and say "Okay, have a great day". Believe me, I love an honest rejection.

If the no becomes a yes and everything is right, we can give it a go.
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Old Today, 11:22 AM
 
8,314 posts, read 6,094,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I have a restraining order against him and the guy was arrested last month.
Oh...

I remember now.

How are you doing right now since then?
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Old Today, 11:26 AM
 
12,789 posts, read 10,050,793 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I dont either. I like to take it slow with one interesting guy.
Do the rest of us a favor. Don't say no when you mean maybe eyes later.
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Old Today, 11:27 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,886 posts, read 1,837,786 times
Reputation: 3913
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I dont either. I like to take it slow with one interesting guy. If hes demanding I drop everything to date him immediately, hes not the right guy for me.

It sounds like some of the guys itt want immediate 100% interest from the girl. Some ladies just like to go a bit slower.
I would never expect anyone to drop everything to date me. However, if I got a no with no other explanation I would just move on. Also, Iíve dated a lot in my almost 53 years and Iíve found if a woman is really interested there is little or no hesitation. I have had one or two say they were busy with something at work and that they would get back to me with an alternate date, which they did.
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Old Today, 11:28 AM
 
646 posts, read 336,661 times
Reputation: 475
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
See the thing with that is, there is the "no means no" message going around. If a woman wants to go out with me and then says no to me as some form of "test", then she is going to lose me to a woman who is not into that kind of game (that's what that really is, a game).

As to whether or not it is harassment or not to pursue a woman, that depends on the person. But if the woman said no and the person persists, it will be seen as harassment if other parties get involved. One of the common complaints against us men is that we don't take no for an answer. And whenever a woman says no, and eventually reveals that she meant yes, but was just testing...no, I will call it what it is, playing games with the person, some guys may see that, and then they may get ideas and try it on a woman who really means no when she says it.

Now, if a woman says something along the lines of "Not now", or "the time is not right", okay. I'll give the benefit of the doubt...but I'm not going to wait up. There are other women out there that are ready for me, it would do none of us any good for me to wait for the "not right now" to become "now". Like I'm supposed to just wait around while she has her fun. LOL!!! At the same time, I got a lovely Ms. waiting on me to make her my Mrs.

Not to mention, the woman I wait for might take it as a sign of low self esteem/respect.

In my opinion, playing that "she said no, but she probably doesn't mean it" game is actually a dangerous game to play and can bring about some unfortunate circumstances for both sides. And typically, this type of game (I'll say no when I mean yes), just might attract some imbalanced people with boundary issues.

In my mind, there are too many women out there for me to get caught up with someone that says no (and I mean saying the word outright no. Not a somewhat wishy-washy response that kinda favors a no, but even with that, I'm not going to wait up).

As far as stranger danger, this is exactly why I take no for an answer. You say no to me, I'm moving it along as far as romance goes. If you happen to change your mind and you catch me at the right time (in between relationships), then I'll consider it.
I think context is important. "Never" means "never" but no can vary, again depends on context.

If this is a friend of a friend for instance you see at parties. You flirt and chat but she declines going out to dinner with you one on one. But she clearly enjoys your company, keep gettng to know her. Thats not stalking or harassment.

If you see a girl at a busstop, whistle at her, she says get lost. You get on the bus and follow her home. That is harassment.
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