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Old Yesterday, 06:45 PM
 
843 posts, read 208,593 times
Reputation: 1078

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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
This sounds like self pity. I realize women are more sought out. I consider myself pretty average yet I could be out every night with a different guy if I wanted. As a man you did draw the short stick, just due to being a man.

Dont take to heart all the creep talk itt though. Even though I have a stalker in my experience that is a rare phenomenon. This is genuinely a disturbed guy. It took many months of deranged behavior before I went to authorities.

A few weeks of flirtatious behavior wont get you arrested for stalking.

If a girl inspires you to pursue then pursue her. As I said thats how my parents got together. You and my father might have a lot in common, but she inspired him.

Dont get too hung up on legal stuff. I dont think you are the type to enter stalker territory.
You're right, the last third of that post was all self-pity. With some aggression in it. Incidentally, you did a good job of defusing it rather than engaging with it. Thanks for that.


Coincidentally I've learned something about myself...that I'm triggered by the implication that I haven't tried hard enough or wanted badly enough to date. Good to know. Something to watch for in the future.
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Old Yesterday, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
695 posts, read 116,586 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post

Coincidentally I've learned something about myself...that I'm triggered by the implication that I haven't tried hard enough or wanted badly enough to date. Good to know. Something to watch for in the future.
From reading your posts on here, it sounds to me like you have been as proactive as you could have been so far, on more than one level, to help your chances of meeting the right person.
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Old Yesterday, 06:59 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
Reputation: 5896
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
You're right, the last third of that post was all self-pity. With some aggression in it. Incidentally, you did a good job of defusing it rather than engaging with it. Thanks for that.


Coincidentally I've learned something about myself...that I'm triggered by the implication that I haven't tried hard enough or wanted badly enough to date. Good to know. Something to watch for in the future.
I'd probably disregard that implication. If anything, a lot of guys who are struggling are trying too hard from what I hear. I've heard from quite a few guys that they seem to have a better shot at dating or women seem to warm up to them once they backed off from dating and focused more on themselves.

If running around being desperate is not working, doing more of the same thing and acting more desperate is probably not going to work either.

I think a lot of guys should probably take some of the focus away from dating and relationships and put it more towards building other areas of their lives. Just for their peace of mind. Life is so rich of other things than relationships. Focusing on that one area that is not going so well to the point that it brings distress has a small likelihood of working in the favor of the struggling person from what I've seen.
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Old Yesterday, 07:32 PM
 
843 posts, read 208,593 times
Reputation: 1078
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I'd probably disregard that implication. If anything, a lot of guys who are struggling are trying too hard from what I hear. I've heard from quite a few guys that they seem to have a better shot at dating or women seem to warm up to them once they backed off from dating and focused more on themselves.

If running around being desperate is not working, doing more of the same thing and acting more desperate is probably not going to work either.
Yeah, but I can't use that as a reason to back off from dating. Otherwise...I'm not really backing off from dating, I'm just waiting for the magic bullet to work.
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Old Yesterday, 07:41 PM
 
13 posts, read 570 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
This sounds like self pity. I realize women are more sought out. I consider myself pretty average yet I could be out every night with a different guy if I wanted. As a man you did draw the short stick, just due to being a man.



.
Which is why I tell dudes to be aggressive and hit on as many woman as possible to increase their odds. Woman have a lot more choices then men so sitting back and waiting for lightning to strike and your soulmate to appear in front of you isnít a smart move.

Men must be aggressive and if woman donít like it because it doesnít make them feel special too bad.
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Old Yesterday, 07:44 PM
 
843 posts, read 208,593 times
Reputation: 1078
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
Which is why I tell dudes to be aggressive and hit on as many woman as possible to increase their odds. Woman have a lot more choices then men so sitting back and waiting for lightning to strike and your soulmate to appear in front of you isnít a smart move.

Men must be aggressive and if woman donít like it because it doesnít make them feel special too bad.
What if it makes them feel threatened.
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Old Yesterday, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
695 posts, read 116,586 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
Which is why I tell dudes to be aggressive and hit on as many woman as possible to increase their odds. Woman have a lot more choices than men so sitting back and waiting for lightning to strike and your soulmate to appear in front of you isn’t a smart move.

Men must be aggressive and if woman don’t like it because it doesn’t make them feel special too bad.
I don't think this is good advice. Trust me, a woman knows when you're hitting on everyone. Cheesy chat up lines, copy and paste messages in OLD and just a general desperate demeanour. When women are chatted up, they want it to be because there's something about her that a man likes - a connection, a shared interest, or something in common - and when that's not present it's obvious.
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Old Yesterday, 07:53 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
Reputation: 5896
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Yeah, but I can't use that as a reason to back off from dating. Otherwise...I'm not really backing off from dating, I'm just waiting for the magic bullet to work.
It's definitely not a magic bullet. And it's not about women. When guys have made that observation, it's merely an observation. They didn't back away from dating to get women to notice them. Their reason for backing off from dating was to focus on other things in their lives, pursue other goals. Dating and women have become a non-factor to them.
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Old Yesterday, 07:56 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
Reputation: 5896
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
Which is why I tell dudes to be aggressive and hit on as many woman as possible to increase their odds. Woman have a lot more choices then men so sitting back and waiting for lightning to strike and your soulmate to appear in front of you isnít a smart move.

Men must be aggressive and if woman donít like it because it doesnít make them feel special too bad.
Now, if we can take this aggression to our career and finances...
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Old Yesterday, 07:58 PM
 
652 posts, read 336,661 times
Reputation: 475
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
Which is why I tell dudes to be aggressive and hit on as many woman as possible to increase their odds. Woman have a lot more choices then men so sitting back and waiting for lightning to strike and your soulmate to appear in front of you isnít a smart move.

Men must be aggressive and if woman donít like it because it doesnít make them feel special too bad.
This sounds hostile. You dont have to be aggressive. If she feels uncomfortable thats bad.

Its not about feeling special. You sound like my stalker.

I wont be paranoid and assume youre him though. But these are not realistic ways of seeing things. Im typing on a phone but if I had a computer I could be more algebraic/collegial something.
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