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Old 08-06-2019, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,699 posts, read 24,296,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
What is it that society does to make things difficult? I'm asking that without intending any tone of incredulity or sarcasm. What could society do differently, or how could dating look different or feel different so that people struggling to find relationship, or just to get a ****ing date, would have an easier time?
I read an essay by Anjelica Huston, of all people, who talked about how when she was growing up in Ireland, the church or the community center had regular dances. Almost everyone went: old people, young people, married couples, teenagers, etc. That's where people learned to socialize and where many young people met their firsts. Of course this was in the days pre-TV, cell phones, video games, etc., but she wrote about it fondly as something that modern society lacks.
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Old 08-06-2019, 09:37 AM
 
7,520 posts, read 11,643,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
What is it that society does to make things difficult? I'm asking that without intending any tone of incredulity or sarcasm. What could society do differently, or how could dating look different or feel different so that people struggling to find relationship, or just to get a ****ing date, would have an easier time?
Oh god, where to start? Lol.

For starters, socially ingrained things like male height and breast size. And I'm saying this as a guy who LOVES big boobies. Absolutely loves them. Eliminating a woman based on breast size would just be idiotic.

Also, society has traditionally groomed men and women to be 'apart' on interests. I really don't think this benefits anybody. And especially 'geeky guys' are often accused of not having any way to converse with women. Although as we modernize, I do believe male and female interests are converging.

Society pressures women to idealize male interests and pressures men to 'get laid' and other men to ridicule those who haven't been laid. All this, instead of ... oh maybe looking for somebody you might get along with if you were living together in the same room for 10 years...

This is just off the top of my head. There's more.

I actually do believe that subsequent generations (though I'm not sure how many it will take) will modernize their approach to dating and many more people will find someone who is close to being a pretty perfect match.
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:02 AM
 
12,700 posts, read 10,025,929 times
Reputation: 16356
^^ Society is not of one mind... as in there is no way to change it. For my money, parental failure ingrains a LOT of this maladaptive stuff.
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:13 AM
 
7,520 posts, read 11,643,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
^^ Society is not of one mind... as in there is no way to change it. For my money, parental failure ingrains a LOT of this maladaptive stuff.
What are you trying to say here?

That my parents failed me?
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:17 AM
 
12,700 posts, read 10,025,929 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I read an essay by Anjelica Huston, of all people, who talked about how when she was growing up in Ireland, the church or the community center had regular dances. Almost everyone went: old people, young people, married couples, teenagers, etc. That's where people learned to socialize and where many young people met their firsts. Of course this was in the days pre-TV, cell phones, video games, etc., but she wrote about it fondly as something that modern society lacks.
That sounds AWesome.
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:18 AM
 
12,700 posts, read 10,025,929 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
What are you trying to say here?

That my parents failed me?
I don't know you from Adam. But I do think parents have failed a lot of people where socialization is concerned. Striving to be "normal" was too important.
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:31 AM
 
8,261 posts, read 6,081,871 times
Reputation: 5875
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
What is it that society does to make things difficult? I'm asking that without intending any tone of incredulity or sarcasm. What could society do differently, or how could dating look different or feel different so that people struggling to find relationship, or just to get a ****ing date, would have an easier time?
This is my opinion and only my opinion, I'm not stating this as fact. I think "society" pushing contrary messages at the same time can cause us to make things difficult for ourselves (in this age). I think we put a lot more pressure on ourselves to find a date/relationships than we should. While others are pressured to be completely independent. My (admittedly flawed) observations see one group being pushed to be independent and maybe even avoid relationships and another group being pushed to be independent. I think that could be contributing to the issue (It probably would be worse if independence was pushed on both groups).

I don't know what "society" can do to make things easier. But individually, I think we can look at ways to ease the pressure (for those of us that are being pressured). Again, my opinion, I can't call them facts. (Could very likely be wrong)
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Old 08-06-2019, 10:33 AM
 
8,261 posts, read 6,081,871 times
Reputation: 5875
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
Oh god, where to start? Lol.

For starters, socially ingrained things like male height and breast size. And I'm saying this as a guy who LOVES big boobies. Absolutely loves them. Eliminating a woman based on breast size would just be idiotic.

Also, society has traditionally groomed men and women to be 'apart' on interests. I really don't think this benefits anybody. And especially 'geeky guys' are often accused of not having any way to converse with women. Although as we modernize, I do believe male and female interests are converging.

Society pressures women to idealize male interests and pressures men to 'get laid' and other men to ridicule those who haven't been laid. All this, instead of ... oh maybe looking for somebody you might get along with if you were living together in the same room for 10 years...

This is just off the top of my head. There's more.

I actually do believe that subsequent generations (though I'm not sure how many it will take) will modernize their approach to dating and many more people will find someone who is close to being a pretty perfect match.
You said it way way way way way better than I did.
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Old 08-06-2019, 11:07 AM
 
7,520 posts, read 11,643,642 times
Reputation: 8374
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I don't know you from Adam. But I do think parents have failed a lot of people where socialization is concerned. Striving to be "normal" was too important.
You have to consider that some parents come from different cultures and generations. So, you can cut those some slack. But I don't disagree.
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Old 08-06-2019, 11:24 AM
 
12,700 posts, read 10,025,929 times
Reputation: 16356
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
You have to consider that some parents come from different cultures and generations. So, you can cut those some slack. But I don't disagree.
Dude, I will never give parents non-slack. How many negatives is that? May I judge in direct proportion to how I am judged. I don't *think* I messed my kids up in that particular way. But I am damned sure I messed them up in other unique and creative ways. Parenting is hard.
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