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Old 08-12-2019, 10:56 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,135,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
That comment is sexist. Women can be decisive too, it's not an exclusively male trait.
I rarely make an opinion on where to eat. Because the guys tend to be wildly more picky than I and want to feel like they DID something to drive the date seems to me.
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,684 posts, read 41,560,654 times
Reputation: 41302
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I do, if it seems appropriate in context. I just say thank you but I have to decline now due to social anxiety.

The guys I date I usually converse with a long time (text, phone calls etc.) before dating.
I think that is fair. If I seem intense, it is because I’ve seen it suggested here more than enough times that women who have interest in a guy who asks them out should decline the first time for nothing more than the hell of it. I’m sensitive to that particular line since I’ve been jerked around by women before and it is not fun.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:00 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,310,291 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Wanting to be pursued isnt necessarily game playing. She might just want to be sure you are serious about it before accepting a date.

If these women you speak of are highly desirable and attractive women, they probably get asked out all the time. They might initially reject most of those men, but the men who keep pursuing and ask a second or third time are more likely to get a yes.

Its not stalking or harassment to pursue a woman. If she tells you to leave her alone and you continue, that is harassment.

If these are just average women, they might still want some getting to know you time before taking things to a more intimate dating scenario.

I dont know how you know these women or how well you do, but many women have some "stranger danger," being the smaller and weaker ones it can feel very vulnerable to put ourselves into an isolated setting with someone we dont know well. You have said you are very tall, that can add to that.

Ive a feeling they might just need more time to feel safe and comfortable with you before progressing to a date.
See the thing with that is, there is the "no means no" message going around. If a woman wants to go out with me and then says no to me as some form of "test", then she is going to lose me to a woman who is not into that kind of game (that's what that really is, a game).

As to whether or not it is harassment or not to pursue a woman, that depends on the person. But if the woman said no and the person persists, it will be seen as harassment if other parties get involved. One of the common complaints against us men is that we don't take no for an answer. And whenever a woman says no, and eventually reveals that she meant yes, but was just testing...no, I will call it what it is, playing games with the person, some guys may see that, and then they may get ideas and try it on a woman who really means no when she says it.

Now, if a woman says something along the lines of "Not now", or "the time is not right", okay. I'll give the benefit of the doubt...but I'm not going to wait up. There are other women out there that are ready for me, it would do none of us any good for me to wait for the "not right now" to become "now". Like I'm supposed to just wait around while she has her fun. LOL!!! At the same time, I got a lovely Ms. waiting on me to make her my Mrs.

Not to mention, the woman I wait for might take it as a sign of low self esteem/respect.

In my opinion, playing that "she said no, but she probably doesn't mean it" game is actually a dangerous game to play and can bring about some unfortunate circumstances for both sides. And typically, this type of game (I'll say no when I mean yes), just might attract some imbalanced people with boundary issues.

In my mind, there are too many women out there for me to get caught up with someone that says no (and I mean saying the word outright no. Not a somewhat wishy-washy response that kinda favors a no, but even with that, I'm not going to wait up).

As far as stranger danger, this is exactly why I take no for an answer. You say no to me, I'm moving it along as far as romance goes. If you happen to change your mind and you catch me at the right time (in between relationships), then I'll consider it.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:04 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,310,291 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Well, I disagree. I think its ok to ask 2 or 3 times or at least keep talking to get to know each other better.

Im actually being stalked now but that has been years of almost constant pursuing. Id not consider it harassment if a guy respectfully made attempts to get to know me. I very rarely accept the first proposal of a date.
If you feel you are being stalked, then this is a very serious deal. Stalking is actually illegal because of what it can lead to and has often led to. This is nothing to encourage. Get help, get this guy or whatever stalker off your back.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:12 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,310,291 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
What if she says no because she has another social engagement planned, or some other legitimate reason?
"No" doesnt always mean "Never." If she says it means "never," then believe her and back off.

My father asked my mom out 3 times before she said yes. My mom said she was very attracted to hom but she was just actually busy. My father almost gave up but then they got married and had 2 kids.
Then she can make it clear. She can say something other than no. She can explain what is happening if she wants to keep the option open. It's not a good idea to just say "NO!!!!" to something you want.

I don't know the details of your mother and father's relationship or if she actually said "NO!!!". or just "I'm busy with bla bla bla." But times were a lot different then.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:17 AM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,262,934 times
Reputation: 4633
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You would be nearly alone. Most of us don't want to have to beat guys off with a stick.
I dont either. I like to take it slow with one interesting guy. If hes demanding I drop everything to date him immediately, hes not the right guy for me.

It sounds like some of the guys itt want immediate 100% interest from the girl. Some ladies just like to go a bit slower.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:18 AM
 
10,340 posts, read 5,827,600 times
Reputation: 17879
Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
That ^^ IS sexual harrassment. Asking once, no problem... Asking repeatedly is absolutely the wrong thing to do.
This is a measure of sexual harassment in the work place, IMO, employers have to be more black-and-white, the rules stated and posted determine whether or not the attention is wanted or warranted (or not).

IRL, it’s a little different, someone can ask you 2 or 7 times and you can block them, and never see them again— don’t have to deal with them like you do every day in the workplace. Someone can ask you out for the third time and you can tell him to F off. In the workplace, you will be seen as part of the problem if you start acting aggressively with hostility in return, you can only report it. IRL, there’s nowhere to report it, she can’t really go to the police station and say: “this man has asked me out two times in a row, arrest him!” It takes way more evidence prove documentation repetitive action to be warranted as (criminal) harassment in real life

As much as some of the men here like to fantasize that that’s the way it is, it’s not actually illegal in that sense, harassment takes a much smaller measure to be labeled so in the workplace, as it would be to be charged with some sort of crime of harassment in real life. Employment at will, follow the rules inside of this inclusive atmosphere, where you are being paid to be productive by someone profiting off of your cooperative behavior. Do you know what I mean?

I have gone out with somebody that I initially declined, only because I started to see him in a different light and thought I may have made a snap judgement, not because I enjoy harassment or pictured it as such.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:19 AM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,262,934 times
Reputation: 4633
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
If you feel you are being stalked, then this is a very serious deal. Stalking is actually illegal because of what it can lead to and has often led to. This is nothing to encourage. Get help, get this guy or whatever stalker off your back.
I have a restraining order against him and the guy was arrested last month.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:21 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,310,291 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I dont either. I like to take it slow with one interesting guy. If hes demanding I drop everything to date him immediately, hes not the right guy for me

It sounds like some of the guys itt want immediate 100% interest from the girl. Some just like to go a bit slower.
That's actually a good idea. Take things slow.

It's not that we want 100% immediate interest, but dating has become a minefield for some of us guys. I personally don't want to force myself into where I'm not wanted. You say no to me, I will smile and say "Okay, have a great day". Believe me, I love an honest rejection.

If the no becomes a yes and everything is right, we can give it a go.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:22 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,310,291 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I have a restraining order against him and the guy was arrested last month.
Oh...

I remember now.

How are you doing right now since then?
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