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Old 08-11-2019, 07:23 PM
 
26,373 posts, read 28,796,726 times
Reputation: 25257

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Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
Some people are happy being unhappy. Whatever works for you.
That goes back to the familiarity thing. The pull of familiarity is often stronger than the pull of happiness, especially if you had an unstable, unhappy, or chaotic childhood.
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Old 08-12-2019, 02:43 PM
 
8,372 posts, read 6,134,101 times
Reputation: 5984
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
That goes back to the familiarity thing. The pull of familiarity is often stronger than the pull of happiness, especially if you had an unstable, unhappy, or chaotic childhood.
As the saying goes, Better the Devil you know...
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Old 08-12-2019, 02:54 PM
 
1,257 posts, read 1,253,097 times
Reputation: 573
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryant17 View Post
A toxic person will always be such.
I disagree with this.
People can definitely change. It's not likely, but it is very possible.

Sometimes, I feel like I had an unintentional visit in this space before.
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Old 08-14-2019, 08:12 AM
 
9 posts, read 2,296 times
Reputation: 31
Before I ended the relationship we had been talking about moving in together. I've found that by thinking about what my life would have been like if we had done that has really helped me a lot.
It would have been complete and utter misery and unhappiness for me 100%.
Focusing on that has actually helped me stop missing her to a certain degree. Not completely but enough to help me feel a lot better.
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Old 08-15-2019, 12:37 PM
 
8,372 posts, read 6,134,101 times
Reputation: 5984
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattKaymen View Post
Before I ended the relationship we had been talking about moving in together. I've found that by thinking about what my life would have been like if we had done that has really helped me a lot.
It would have been complete and utter misery and unhappiness for me 100%.
Focusing on that has actually helped me stop missing her to a certain degree. Not completely but enough to help me feel a lot better.
That does help.
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Old 08-15-2019, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,172 posts, read 3,897,652 times
Reputation: 20598
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattKaymen View Post
I've been hitting Tinder and Bumble to find someone else. Those apps are hard work though!
it will pay off eventually. It's very easy to forget about someone, once you find interest in someone else.
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Old 08-15-2019, 12:59 PM
Status: "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ..." (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Boulder, CO
550 posts, read 172,333 times
Reputation: 1025
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
it will pay off eventually. It's very easy to forget about someone, once you find interest in someone else.

How does the old expression go, "the easiest way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else" ?


Something like that.
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Old 08-18-2019, 12:04 AM
 
Location: Louisville KY
4,301 posts, read 3,979,776 times
Reputation: 3584
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattKaymen View Post
I broke up with a woman a couple of months ago. I was unhappy in the relationship and when it ended I was relieved and happy. Unfortunately I now feel like I'm missing her and I really want her back.
The thing is I know if we got back together I would be unhappy again.
Why do I feel like I want her back when I know it would end up with me being unhappy again?
Eat a Snickers.
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Old 08-18-2019, 12:13 AM
 
Location: NNJ
9,789 posts, read 5,496,524 times
Reputation: 10719
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattKaymen View Post
I broke up with a woman a couple of months ago. I was unhappy in the relationship and when it ended I was relieved and happy. Unfortunately I now feel like I'm missing her and I really want her back.
The thing is I know if we got back together I would be unhappy again.
Why do I feel like I want her back when I know it would end up with me being unhappy again?
My take:

You don't miss being with her.

You miss having a companion to share your life with.

Easiest way is to find another.. The better way is to give yourself some time to work through your feelings.
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Old 08-20-2019, 08:47 AM
 
344 posts, read 111,259 times
Reputation: 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattKaymen View Post
I broke up with a woman a couple of months ago. I was unhappy in the relationship and when it ended I was relieved and happy. Unfortunately I now feel like I'm missing her and I really want her back.
The thing is I know if we got back together I would be unhappy again.
Why do I feel like I want her back when I know it would end up with me being unhappy again?
That's the addictive quality of relationships. Usually when you're with someone ttoxic, usually they are very good and very bad. There's an abuse cycle. Bad behavior followed by wonderful behavior, they're just so sorry for what they've done. You get hooked on the good. You know they're bad so you leave but then you miss the good.

I guess every relationship has it's good and bad. Do we listen to our head or our heart? When you're young, I think your heart for most. But where has that got most?
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