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Old 08-05-2019, 01:43 PM
 
2 posts, read 317 times
Reputation: 10

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Hi everyone, i need advice because its the first time ive ever been in this type of situation.

I have recently started working with a guy over the past 3 months and from day one we have had a massive connection. We have the same sence of humour, same hobbies, same ethics and he is beautiful. Its as if someone has reached into my brain and made my idea of the perfect man! We've been getting closer as friends but im finding myself developing feelings for him. The only catch is he has a girlfriend.

They've been together for 10 years but only see eachother every 2 months because she lives in a different country. Some people have jokingly asked him when hes going to propose and he keeps saying he hasnt thought about it yet, suggesting he mightnt have that intention. Also they started dating when they were both 16, so from my point of view it seems like theyve never had another partner and are more together out of comfort and friendship instead of romantically.

Should i tell him how i feel? I know hes a good guy and would never cheat and i wouldnt want him to cheat either but if their relationship is dead maybe we would have a chance? Help!!
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Old 08-05-2019, 01:45 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,725 posts, read 4,944,555 times
Reputation: 12735
What would be the reason for telling him? To get it off your chest? Nothing to gain and you would just make things awkward for the both of you. It's also not your place to determine he status of their relationship. They're together, that's all you need to know. You're just looking for excuses to convince yourself to weasel your way in. Not cool.

He has someone he's been with for 10 years and is more than likely going to marry her. There's no room for you.

Leave this one alone and focus on SINGLE men.
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Old 08-05-2019, 01:46 PM
 
847 posts, read 185,472 times
Reputation: 1698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused321 View Post
Should i tell him how i feel? I know hes a good guy and would never cheat and i wouldnt want him to cheat either but if their relationship is dead maybe we would have a chance? Help!!
Smarter thing to do would be to casually ask about her or what they do, innocent, common conversation and get a feel for what he thinks. Do this over a couple of weeks. In the mean time, keep your eye open for Plan B with someone else. Does he speak in the future tense like he has plans with her? Or does he have a strained tone to his voice, like he isn't 100% happy? Read his body language and eyes. If you get a 99% chance either way then you can or shouldn't.
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Old 08-05-2019, 01:58 PM
 
2 posts, read 317 times
Reputation: 10
He doesnt actually talk about her at all unless asked about her! When asked about marriage he jokingly said 'we've been together for 10 years, if i was going to propose i would have done it by now!". I could be completely misunderstanding their relationship - you're right. And i wouldnt act on anything unless he was 100% single. I just feel a crazy connection between us and like ive said this has never happened before.
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Old 08-05-2019, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,658 posts, read 42,273,122 times
Reputation: 84146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused321 View Post
Hi everyone, i need advice because its the first time ive ever been in this type of situation.

I have recently started working with a guy over the past 3 months and from day one we have had a massive connection. We have the same sence of humour, same hobbies, same ethics and he is beautiful. Its as if someone has reached into my brain and made my idea of the perfect man! We've been getting closer as friends but im finding myself developing feelings for him. The only catch is he has a girlfriend.

They've been together for 10 years but only see eachother every 2 months because she lives in a different country. Some people have jokingly asked him when hes going to propose and he keeps saying he hasnt thought about it yet, suggesting he mightnt have that intention. Also they started dating when they were both 16, so from my point of view it seems like theyve never had another partner and are more together out of comfort and friendship instead of romantically.

Should i tell him how i feel? I know hes a good guy and would never cheat and i wouldnt want him to cheat either but if their relationship is dead maybe we would have a chance? Help!!
What kind of "beautiful, fun, good guy" would stay in a 10-year relationship where they only see each other every 2 months? That's nuts.

I wouldn't bother. Just enjoy the flirting, get a grip on your feelings, and let him live his weird life. He obviously has some reason for being in this situation, and it doesn't bode well for any kind of potential future interaction I would want to be involved in.

Most likely he's full of it and just told you that to keep you from getting any ideas, or he's in a situation he really can't get out of, like a cultural arrangement.
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Old 08-05-2019, 02:08 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,270 posts, read 296,290 times
Reputation: 1132
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused321 View Post
Hi everyone, i need advice because its the first time ive ever been in this type of situation.

I have recently started working with a guy over the past 3 months and from day one we have had a massive connection. We have the same sence of humour, same hobbies, same ethics and he is beautiful. Its as if someone has reached into my brain and made my idea of the perfect man! We've been getting closer as friends but im finding myself developing feelings for him. The only catch is he has a girlfriend.

They've been together for 10 years but only see eachother every 2 months because she lives in a different country. Some people have jokingly asked him when hes going to propose and he keeps saying he hasnt thought about it yet, suggesting he mightnt have that intention. Also they started dating when they were both 16, so from my point of view it seems like theyve never had another partner and are more together out of comfort and friendship instead of romantically.

Should i tell him how i feel? I know hes a good guy and would never cheat and i wouldnt want him to cheat either but if their relationship is dead maybe we would have a chance? Help!!
Why would he be in a relationship where they only see each other every 2 months......for T E N yrs? He does not sound like a catch to me.......he is not emotionally developed or ready for a serious relationship....he's young....

Leave this alone......& find someone else who is single & ready to date YOU ....
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Old 08-05-2019, 02:19 PM
 
455 posts, read 82,071 times
Reputation: 832
Personally I would not tell someone who is already in a relationship that I like them. I see it as possibly sabotaging what they have and encouraging infidelity (which you cannot judge as being valid or not, you are not the one in the relationship).
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Old 08-05-2019, 02:57 PM
 
6,830 posts, read 2,466,001 times
Reputation: 15672
Personally, I wouldn't want a guy who wasn't available. I deserve better. I think that should be your attitude too.
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Old 08-05-2019, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Florida
19,917 posts, read 20,035,172 times
Reputation: 23409
Let's see...will you be happy with someone that might string you along for 10 years?
If so, go for it!
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Old 08-05-2019, 03:18 PM
 
664 posts, read 504,634 times
Reputation: 742
OP Go for it! Live is too short to overthinking...
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